Failure’s Not an Option

I walked out of my house, this little shack painted white so long ago that even peeled paint was starting to peel. As I walked down the faded blue stairs, I could hear the screen door of the neighboring house slam like thunder. I didn’t even flinch. It seemed familiar, and for some reason, I knew my cousin would come skipping down. I met him at the base of my staircase. He seemed younger than I remembered. Come to think of it, everything else seemed bigger than I remembered. It was almost as if I shrank but that couldn’t be possible. He wanted to play. We usually kicked around a soccer ball or played hide-and-go-seek but today he wanted to do something different. He grabbed my arm and led me somewhere behind his house. There was an even smaller one-room shed. I took a step in and…

Suddenly, I found myself standing in front of a mirror. I knew now I didn’t shrink (because that’s ridiculous); instead, I got younger. I saw what appeared to be a seven-year-old version of myself looking back at me. He moved in every way I did, but there was something wrong, something I couldn’t quite put my finger on. He was staring at me with red eyes, the one shred of evidence of his rage. But why? What is it that I’ve done? But at that instant the door busted open, and my cousin walked in and grabbed me by the back of my collar and dragged me out. When he stopped, he was pointing at our neighbor’s house across the street. A rickety brown fence stood behind a row of white marble rocks. Dried grass laid everywhere and a withering lemon tree stood off in the corner of the yard. Dead lemons were strewn at the base of the tree, white and brown from mold. The black driveway was cracked as if someone had attacked it with a jackhammer. The house itself was blood red with a black door.

“You need to go there,” said my cousin in an eerie voice. “They await you and only you.”

“Me? What have I done to earn such a punishment? I haven’t done anything against their desires,” I said.

            “They see everything. It does not matter what you think; only what they know.” As my cousin’s voice echoed in my ears I pulled myself up and stared at the house in fear. Everyone knew that entering that house was suicide. Only one kid out of the thousands ever came back. That one kid was Tommy. He never did anything wrong in his entire life and for that he was spared. So what did I do? My mind started racing. I took a step forward into the street, unaware that with each step I took closer the smaller I got. I found myself sinking in the street. I tried swimming with all my strength, but no matter how hard I tried to swim, I just kept spinning around. The ground became a viscous liquid but that didn’t keep me afloat. It was almost as if a giant hand was pushing me down.

I woke up sweating and breathing heavily on a bed as if I had a nightmare. The room looked foreign but also somewhat familiar.  On the desk by the bed there was my laptop and my backpack. My clothes were scattered around the floor. This wasn’t my house but it certainly felt like it. There was a bed on the other side of the room with a stranger sleeping in it. His face was blank. No expression, not because he was sleeping, but because he had no facial features. It dawned on me this was my dorm. But where was I? What school was this? Nowhere could I find the name of my college. It was left as blank as my roommate’s face.

            I opened my laptop and looked at a report of my performance in school. My mouth dropped. I was failing most of my courses and there was nothing I could do about it. My parents stood behind me yelling at me in unison. Both of their faces were lit up with fiery anger.

“How dare you waste such an opportunity? Is this what we’re paying for? We didn’t raise you so you could fail once we let you go. We’re going to rectify this mistake,” they said, as they grew taller and taller until they stood as redwoods. I began to quiver. Never before had I seen them this angry. It was almost unnatural. I feared the punishment they deemed reasonable. My mother grabbed me with twig-like fingers and catapulted me into the sky. I kept rising and rising until I hit a cloud. I went through it and landed on top. I looked down from my cloud and saw my brother. He was walking to high school. I jumped and free-fell. I put out my arms like a little kid pretending to be a plane.  As soon as I did I caught the wind and began controlling my free fall. No longer was I falling, I was flying. I soared down to the earth right above my brother. He looked up at me.

“Would you get down from there? I don’t want somebody to notice you,” he said while waving his arms at me.

“Fine, but you don’t have to get all worked up about it,” I said as I lowered my legs for touchdown. As I stood next to my brother I realized [YM1] we were about the same age. He seemed at most a year older than me. I couldn’t figure out what happened to the other seven years between us. Never had we attended the same school together. My brother walked into a classroom with a sign that read, “You must be at least this smart to enter.”  I entered the classroom and sat behind my brother. The teacher announced that he was passing back tests. He came down the column of seats handing out tests to everyone including me. The test said 95% with my name written in the top right corner. I didn’t recognize the handwriting. All of the writing wasn’t mine but there were some definite areas that were.

My brother turned around and said, “What did you get on your test?”

“Uhh… I missed one question,” I said with a wavering voice.

“Well, I got a perfect score. I can’t believe you did so horribly. I might have to kill you now,” he said with a smirk. I couldn’t tell if he was joking or not. But either way, I was scared out of my mind. I got up from the chair and started sprinting. It didn’t matter where I was going. Anywhere would’ve been better. I saw a giant crack in the ground up ahead. As I ran closer and closer to the crack, it grew at an unfathomable rate. Brownish-red soil covers the ground everywhere. It seemed as if I was at the edge of a canyon surrounded by a desert. The canyon stretched as far left and right as possible. The other edge looked close enough for someone to jump it, but I don’t think anyone short of an Olympic long distance jumper could make it. On the other side I can make out the silhouettes of my mother and father. I walked back about twenty-five feet from the edge and turned towards the chasm. I took off running like a horse egged on by its rider. As soon as I left the edge of the canyon, I knew something was wrong with the way I took off. In my attempt to gain footing I slowed down a little and jumped a bit early. I knew I wouldn’t reach the other side. I watched the other edge rise past my head as I tumbled down to the bottom. I knew I’d fall short but why did I still try? Where was that little guy in the back of my head telling me that this was a bad idea? Everything I’ve tried never succeeds. It’s never good enough. What do I have to do to please them? I felt like the ancient Greeks and Romans who would try everything to please their gods, instead for me nothing worked. My whole world felt as if it came crashing down. It was difficult to digest, but maybe I’m just not worthy. I pondered these thoughts and so many more on the long treacherous path into oblivion.

I opened my eyes only to see a dimly lit room. In front of me stood three massive chairs behind a semicircular table. The table and chairs stood six feet high and the three dark-shaded figures stood much taller. Each took no specific shape but filled the chair with a smoky presence.

“You’ve proven yourself unworthy,” said the figure on the right with a loud thundering voice. “And it is absolutely unacceptable.”

“It does not matter if you do not measure up to the standards of others. Just do what you enjoy,” whispered the figure on the left.
            “It is clear that the path that you take must hold two key things for you. Your path must live up to not only the standards established for you but also your desires. If either of these are sacrificed, then you are doomed to fail,” said the center presence. I stood at the feet of the council with a greater understanding than I could’ve hoped for. Before I could respond the council vanished and I knew what had to be done.