THE
A place
I have come back to the place of love where anything can happen. Dreams can come true. Twice the consumption of material, but all of that is in the background. The school I have grown up in is the same as I left it all to a better things. Where I thrived and thrived. On the courtyard, couples kiss reminding me of my lover, my soul mate. You can say this place is trash, but it’s where there’s never too much in because everything is around and beautiful. In the summer, the sky is clear and people walk around and there’s life to be thought about and then if you look and realize people are so in love you make babies. God I just want to get married and dance. Down the street is the café I’ve gone to where the steel seats contract around the tables. There’s Madam Clyde’s with her daffodils and flowers and grass and nature. The doorbell rings. Ringing bells in my heart for someone for HIM to answer for HIM. And I am in love.
Weather
In Los Angeles the weather is
plastic. Oh so perfect I want to cry because it doesn’t fit who I am. I want to
hide. Hide from all this. Just get away, and the sky is blue. God, I SHOULDN’T
HAVE GO
My House
I see my dad. The one who will walk me down the aisle with my one true love? With Jonnie. There’s a welcome mat I made when I was five, in bright colors and colors, like I’m gay, but happy, and the world is just amazing. I love my dad, and I don’t care he left me and that my mom left and he doesn’t care cause I care and he does care because I care. They walk among me looking at me in my eye with his own eye and my father’s eyes and I have my father’s eyes. The top of the house has a chimney like for Christmas, when Daddy just sent me a check, but he wanted Mom to be happy. Corn on the cob was my favorite meal before all I ate was takeout and Raman, and I can smell the sweet smell of life and love. At night I would stare and wonder and run around the sprinklers, happy sooo happy. With all my clothes and my nose would fall off. It lasted all night. All night. When it was over, she was mad but it feels so good and I’m on top of the world. It was as though everything was in color and nothing mattered. Nothing matters. Everything matters. I feel alive, and I fell in love. I can do anything. Lets do everything. I want to feel everything. It’s the best day of my life-these moments-amazing nothing can break me.
A person
There’s a trailer park of the bitch. Dumb fucking bitch. I hate her, so much and I wish I never never. She ruined it. Me. Eva, the slut. Druggie. She told my mom. I don’t want to be sent away. You made me like this. I can’t stop…It’s gone. She ruined it…you bitch. It’s all here. The tongue ring. The bellybutton ring. The scars. God, you ruined it. I know you took him. The best thing that ever happened to me. I used to play with Barbies before I met you and you set me up. No! You shouldn’t get away with it!
Rain
Flying high above the clouds, watching the black specks. Smiling with joy, I’m on top of the world. I see a darkness form around me. Crashing down onto the street, I smack into the sidewalk. Dark clouds sweep over the sky; I’m sitting on the sidewalk. People pass by swiftly, umbrellas over their heads. Quick flash of lightning, the sun peeks through. Here I go to fly. My fun has just begun.
Hypomania
Wasted Energy. Flying off the walls. Feeling like I can’t do anything. Body Shaking, Heart Racing the voices start to tremble. Head pulsing, Eyes closing of nothing I am able. My body aches of mania. Trapped inside myself playing on the edge. A spectator watching my own life on the stage. My eyes close, my heart stops for once all is still.
Sleep
Sleep is a cruel mistress. She comes for others, but not for me. I lay awake, waiting, thinking, and waiting nothing.
Tiff
Hold your hands up in the air. Clench your hands tight with nails to show blood. Work out the logic has a new idea tell everyone. Happening now, just then before the past. Crying into the river while swimming in gold. Shaking money, trembling thought. Aggressive mood to remain with the love. Above around down n and out…. sweet. The love of your life you only just met.
Key
I’m stuck in the prison of my mind, mixed up and locked away from the outside. Does anyone out there have the key?
Love
Pestering thoughts. Words paralyzed. Inarticulate brain. Lightning flashes. What will I say when it comes back? I’ll be crushed.
In the corner
In the corner here I sit. Screams of silence fill the air.
Substance
Walking with pounding feet no one knows my name. Nervously walking between the line of evil and good. Lies struck by me wandering from precious sanity. Drinking from the cup of unholy disgrace. Walking streets in a trance, seeing evil in the good. Turpentine, love potion number 9. A bullet to my brain walking the streets where no one knows the name of my pain. The streets home of the insane, talking city walls speaking in code to me. Smoking pack number 3. They’re wired to see inside of me. The wireless operators inside my head.
Time bomb.
Ticking in my living hell, mixed up thoughts a violent mind, is hidden behind my smile. A constant implosion of desperate thought is bursting inside my head.
Pie Eye
On a giant whirling ball, I spin through empty passageways as silent storms reel by. And all I feel, and all I see are swirling skies and laughter.
Talk about it?
Depleted uranium piercing the armor of my being. WOE, WOE emotions serenade the
restless sleep. OK, OK, OK no way to say anything with meaning. Tell you the
truth but they’d be yesterday’s lies through an alcoholic haze the illusion of
pressure released where freedom rings in unsympathetic deaf ears. Blinded
through twisted years of barbed-wire fears. Haunting the few dreams breaking.
Breaking through the drug-induced sleep. Remembering the back streets of
propane. The endless smoke of the joker’s deception. Cruising the streets
walking, make my night a fake delight. Walk Walk; you know it’s raining. Just
another new Times Square century. The CIA’s out to get me; you want to