The screen door whacked against the wooden frame as Jimmy left for work. Ella Mae lay on her side in bed, waiting until she could no longer hear the roar of the trucks engine. As soon as the house was silent, she sat up rubbing her hands up her face and through her hair. The wooden floor was cold on her feet as she walked to the bathroom. The faucet made a high-pitched ring as Ella Mae filled her cupped hands with the rapidly warming water. She splashed the water on her face, then cupped another handful into her mouth, gargled and spat it out, watching it swirl down the drain. Ella tilted her head up, her nose just inches away from the mirror and her hot breath fogging the bottom part of the glass. Her whole face was an awful white shade with deep purple red splotches under her eyes and surrounding the sides of her nose, all due to crying and lack of sleep from the night before. There were no more tears left in Ella’s body to match the emotion that she felt as she gently brushed her finger tips over the dark blue lumpy bruise that sat over her right eyebrow. After patting her head dry with a soft towel, Ella did her best to cover the unsightly bruise with a cheap compact, which she had had for over three years. After accomplishing close to nothing with the makeup, Ella Mae walked back to the bedroom.
A faded floral dress was draped over the armchair that sat next to her side of the bed. Ella Mae tugged the dress over her head and slipped her fingers through the armholes. She quickly wrapped her long hair into a bun and glanced down at the clock on her bedside table. Ella Mae closed her eyes, inhaled then exhaled slowly. Very slowly. Once all the nerves melted out of her body, she turned to the closet and grabbed the suitcase that she had hidden behind some old photo albums. She quickly walked through the house to make sure she had everything she needed, because she knew she would never be coming back. Ella threw some extra change that she found on Jimmy’s bedside table into her purse, grabbed her suitcase, and headed toward the front door. As she walked through the living room, she noticed the gin bottled tipped over, alcohol soaking through the carpet. With her heavy clog shoe Ella smashed the bottle into the carpet.
“Good bye Jimmy” she said as she dragged her suitcase out the door.
It was bright when Ella Mae walked outside. Not bright from the sun really, but more from the clouds. She stared up at the sky letting the light glow fill her eyes. A single tear streaked down her face but Ella was quick to wipe it away. She wasn’t going to let herself have second thoughts, not this time. It had never been this bad before. Jimmy had always been aggressive but this was inexcusable, and Ella Mae had a feeling from the way things had been going lately, it was only going to get worse. She knew she already stuck it out longer then she should have. It was time to go. She walked off the porch before any more excuses popped into her head as to why she should stay.
After fifteen minutes Ella Mae had reached the bus stop just outside of
town. She stopped at the end of the block, put on her sunglasses and her felt
hat before she got any closer to the people that were standing around the
station. It only took one familiar face to convince Ella that she was doing the
wrong thing by running away from her husband. She walked forward, at a faster
pace than before, trying to keep her head down and avoid people from seeing her
face. She stepped into the bus stations
“Next in line please.” Ella Mae stepped up to the open teller booth.
“How can I help you Mame?”
“What’s the farthest one of these buses goes?”
“Well, that depends. Which direction you thinkin to head toward?”
Ella Mae had no direction, no one to go to. The last words her father ever said to her rang in her ears. “Damn it Ella Mae, if you marry that Jimmy of yours you can say good bye to this family you hear?” She was young and in love and now it had been three years since she talked to any of them. She regretted nothing more then when she let her family come second to something she thought was a sure thing.
“Uh Mame?”
“Oh sorry. It don’t matter what direction, I just gotta get as far from here as these buses will take me.” The teller looked up at Ella Mae in curiosity, then after a few seconds of tapping at his computer he slid her ticket through the exchange box.
“You’ll be getting on bus 34, parked just outside these double doors. Travel safe now Mame.”
“Yes. Thank you.”
Ella Mae looked through the double doors to see the driver already checking people on to the bus. A slew of emotions ran through Ella’s body as she pushed through the doors. She stood in front of the driver, ticket in hand. This was it. She was about to do something she should have done a long time ago. There was no turning back. The driver slipped the ticket from Ella Mae’s hands, stamped the upper left hand corner and said,
“Can I take that bag for you Miss?”
“Thank you.”
“ Feel free to take any seat you like.”
Ella nodded and climbed up the three steep steps onto the bus. She made her way about three fourths down the isle and took a seat on the left side of the bus. She scooted over to the window seat and placed her purse on the empty seat next to her. Ella Mae pushed up on her armrests and scanned the bus, making sure that no one could see her. Once it was obvious that none of the other passengers where paying attention to her, Ella took off her hat and glasses and reached for the compact from her purse. The bruise just above her right eye was starting to swell and turn a funny shade of yellow in the middle. Ella then slowly lifted her sleeve, twisting her arm to see the finger print shaped bruise that wrapped around her wrist. Ella hoped that Jimmy thought the marks he left were worth it because those were the last times that he would ever touch her again.
Slouched in her seat, Ella wrapped her hands around her belly, holding the firm hump with the palms of her hands. It was this stupid thing that had caused Ella such hardship. She didn’t even want a baby, thought it would be too much of a hassle. It was all Jimmy. He wouldn’t give up on the topic. “It’s the right thing to do,” he would say, “ you’re a women, and we’re married, and god damn it Ella you’re going to give me a baby.” It took her a year to get pregnant and boy was she relieved she did because it was the first time in a year that Jimmy wasn’t on her for it. It had been the most relaxing six months of her married life; at least as relaxing as one could be living with Jimmy. The procedure was fairly painless and quick, but it took a whole week before Ella got the courage to tell Jimmy she had lost the damn thing. She actually didn’t mean to tell him that night. He came home just after suppertime, found her crying in the bathroom. He had had a couple a drinks and was a bit rowdy, so when she wouldn’t let him know why she was crying he whipped her around, shoving her shoulders into the bathroom wall. In the midst of her sobbing, Ella was able to squeeze out the words “I’m sorry” as she dropped her head, looking down at her belly. Jimmy reaction was worse then she’d imagined. Tears and alcohol combined into an awful mess on top of Ella as Jimmy spent the night taking his anger out on her. That night, as she surprisingly made it to bed safely on account of how Jimmy treated her, Ella remembered the suitcase that she had packed for the hospital stay when the baby arrived and knew she would never get another chance like this. It was a step she had to take and the escape she needed.
Now on a bus to god knows where, Ella couldn’t believe how she ended up here and most of it because of this stupid little baby. She was glad that she miscarried because she knew that she could never love something that reminded her of Jimmy. She wouldn’t be able to care for his baby the way a baby should be cared for. It’s better this way. She had to leave Jimmy and all of Jimmy. She was right: a baby would be too much of a hassle.
On the bus Ella was finally alone. Of course there were at least seven other passengers on the charter bus with her, but she was still alone. She liked it being alone. It was nice to not have responsibilities or care for other people. She was so busy trying to please Jimmy the last few years that Ella didn’t really know who she was. All she knew was how to be a slave for Jimmy, not expressing her own opinion or desires. She hated who she had become because of Jimmy; a quiet, shy pushover who most didn’t respect or think much of. She had been pathetic and scared of life for too long. The more she thought about the topic the more furious she got. Slamming her head against the headrest, she released a heavy huff through her nose. Her eyes started to gloss over and it took complete concentration to keep from letting the tears roll down her face.
Ella let her head slide over, pressing the cold window against her warm forehead. She stared out into the flat dry landscape. The brown desert dirt faded into the gray sky at the end of the horizon. The plainness of the land clamed her down, distracting her from what she had been thinking about. Her eyelids started to get heavy, drooping every so slowly. As she drifted in and out of consciousness, so did the personality that Jimmy had instilled in her. With every exhale, a piece of Jimmy’s influence escaped her body and mind. Soon all that was left in her was clean fresh air. She took a deep breath in, the oxygen tingling her nostril hairs as her chest expanded inch by inch. Then Ella released the breath that consumed her body. Once all the air had escaped her lungs, she let her eyelids close. Everything went from light to dark as she fell asleep.