In Control                    
   
   
    My daughter Ashley isn't mine and  my wife Mary is and has been having an affair with someone.  From here I have three options: 1. Kill myself 2. Kill the person 3. Run away. 
    Tim takes out three index cards and writes each one down, carefully thinking about each option in his usual systematic procedure by weighing out the pros and cons.  He then crosses number 3 off and writes “Buy gun” in its place.  He looks around his home, the pictures, his daughters toys, the t.v his wife just got, the family plates, his  life as he  once knew it entirely surrounds him. As each second passes, Tim begins to lose control, everything he does no longer feels correct.  His lists and calculations no longer  have meaning, the perfect armani suit Greg gave him for his birthday is too tight and itches like a thrift-town knock off. The adorable picture of his wife and daughter laughing together in their christmas pajamas makes him sick to his stomach. In a fit of rage, Tim rips off the suit, throws the cards in the trash, knocks the picture down the stairs and then walks calmy out of his house with the face of a man who has neither a worry nor care in the world. The sun pours down on his back yet he still shivers. His entire world has been turned upside down and there's nothing to stop him from falling off. 
    Twenty minites later Mary walks into the house hoping that things have returned to normal and to find her husband sitting on the couch drinking a beer only to find the crumpled suit and  the broken photo.  The way Tim sounded on the message scared her, it didnt sound like the calculating and patient man she knows so well.  She walks over to the phone and sees an index card lying on the ground, it reads “1. Kill myself”.  She stares at it for one second then picks of the phone and dials as fast as she can.
    “ Greg, hello? Greg! You've got to find Tim, I just found one of his lists you know, yea the cards,  I think he might try to kill himself, you've got to talk to him, do something! Yes, I think he might kno- I don't know ho he found out but h-, just do something!”  Mary slams down the phone and jumps at the click, she can't believe what's happening, how could she let this happen?  She didn't want to do anything with the Greg situation, it was just a little fun that's all. No, everything will be fine, she'll just carry on with her life and its up to Tim to come back to what he has.  Yea, that sounds right, everything will be fine.
    Tim sits there with a blank stare in his eyes sipping his coffee and eating a madeline on the bench soaked with rain, nothing seems to affect him.  He vows to himself to never follow order ever again, he has spent too much time obeying schedules and waiting.  Gregs' words “ Don't worry about the consquences, just do it”. Tim wished he could be that person, ever since high school Greg had always been the outgoing one, the one who tried new stuff, who didnt think of consquences or risks.  Greg would never plan anything, he lived life as it came to him, always making those gametime descisions.  Tim is exactly the opposite, he was the one who would raise a finger to everything with some flaw he calculated, he never let things just happen and now look what it did to him.  Everything in his life has been planned and carefully analyzed, he's never just done anything for the hell of it, never done anything on impulse, never in his life has he done anything different, he has always been predictable.  He racks his brain, searching for a clue, something that would of told him what was going on.  There was the phone call when she was at the party but he couldn't hear well enough, he talked to Greg about though and he said that...
    Tim stares straight ahead at the wall as he sloshes his tequila around in his glass, thinking. To keep his mind off of the issue , he pulls out his lists and reads them over in preparation for tomorrows meeting.  He looks up to see Greg walking into the bar, Greg sees him and smiles but there is a slight frown in the lips, like he is feeling guilty or might puke.
    “What's up man, you're looking kinda off. How was Kates' party last night?”  asks Tim.
    “Oh, nothing man I just ate some indian food, you know it doesn't settle with my stomach very well.  The party was crackin' man, you should of come, that Mary of yours is a stone cold fox man”  says Greg.
    Tim smiles akwardly and moves on with his questions.  “ Was she with anyone?,When I called her that night there was a man in the background” he says
    “No, not really” Greg says shiftily without looking at him
    “Not really? What does that mean?” Tim asks suspiciously
    “ Tim, not really, Jesus man it was a party of course she was with people, I was with her.  You need to chill out and not think so much, it's not good for you. You dont need to know everything that goes on in her life you know. Take some risks, you want some weed? A drink? ”  Greg exclaims somewhat defensively
    “Nah man, I don't like not being in control, it makes it hard to do follow my lists, I need my order man, it completes me”  says Tim
    “You mean your OCD, ? Here you got-”.
     Will that be all sir?  It all comes crashing back to him as he snaps out of his trance to pay the waiter. It  connects now, there is no sense denying it, he should have been seen it before with all those trips. Greg was always out and about, it wouldn't be hard to keep quiet.    Tim pays the man and walks out looking like something in his head isn't quite right.  His eyes are on fire and his demeanor is completely focused as he pulls out his phone and calls a friend.  After he stops talking he puts down the phone and smiles as he remembers Gregs words “ Take risks, don't be such a pussy, stop caring so much about every little thing”.  Tim no longer would be able to live his past life, the person who he used to be has left him in replace for a man living for one purpose, revenge.

    The beamer pulls up to the cabin slowly trying to avoid the fence hidden by the intense fog.  Greg gets out and slams his door shut, looks up and sees his best friends staring at him from above.
    “Thats amazing, I was just about to call you” shouts Tim from the deck.
    “Yea, Damion told me that you came up .  I thought you could use a friend you know, someone to talk to. You got anything on your mind?” Greg asks casually.
    “Nothing ffn the top of my head.  Lets go for a boat ride” says Tim.
    “Sure, whatever you want to do man, I'm here for you, whatever you want to say I'm listening” responds Greg
    “Good to know Greg” says Tim
Tim gets the boat going with a couple long strokes, keeping is eyes fixed eagerly at Greg, like a tiger eyeing his prey.
    “So uh, you finished with all those index cards?” Greg asks in an attempt to hide his discomfort.
    “Hah, hell no, in fact it was cards to come up here and accomplish something.” replies Tim through gritted teeth.
    “What sort of something?” asks Greg.
    “Something big.” says Tim.
    “How big?” asks Greg in a confused tone.
    “Oh, the biggest thing of my life” says Tim calmly.
    “You dont want to do anything drastic. I mean something you cant take back, something final” hints Greg.
    “Oh you mean something ill regret” says Tim.
    “You have to think of those who love you, think of your friends.” responds Greg.
    “Why my friends?” asks Tim.
    “ Because your actions affect them” answers Greg.
    “Oh ill give you that man, you nailed it” replies Tim in a sarcastic voice.
    “One should always think of ones friends before considering certain things” Greg continues without noticing Tims' change in voice.
    “Thats nice of you Greg, I suppose certain things would test the limits of our friendship, wouldn't  you think?” implies Tim.
    “Exactly, arnt we getting out a little far?” says Greg, now unable to hide is discomfort of the situation.
    “Yeah Greg, just a little” Tim says.
    “What the hell are we doing here tim?” Greg asks angrily.
    “iIthink you know” responds Tim.
    “I wont let you do it” Greg shouts.
    “Really, try and stop me then you little bitch” Tim pulls out a12-gauge shotgun and waves it at Greg.
    “Where the hell did you get that?” exclaims Greg
    “Who cares, it doesnt matter” yells Tim
    “We can talk about this tim, jus-”
    “Cut the shit, we both know the score, quit wimpering” Tim says acidly
    “Wimpering? Its your descision” says Greg
    “Oh real generous of you greg”
    “It doesnt mean i agree with it.”
    “Well i would hope not”
    “Look you cant do this, i wont let you, you're going to have to shoot me first”
    “Hah, well theres an idea”
     “Oh give me tha-.”.  BAKKA.  Tim and Greg both stand there shell-shocked as they stare down at the gaping hole in the wood.  The boat quickly starts to sink down with each second that passes.
    “there, go ahead, kill yourself now, do it” Greg yells in anger
    “kill myself? You think im trying to kill myself? You impossibly stupid man, you philandering dumbas- Murder Im trying to commit murder, you idiot!” Tim screams in anger. He stands there in silence holding Greg at gunpoint.
    “Tim, just chill out, you can't just leave them.” says Greg trying to reason with his friend.
    “ I'm not going back” mumbles Tim
    “Of course your going back, dont be a fool”  says Greg
    “I can't man, I can't even look at her, both of them, everything is wrong.  Everytime I just think of the fakeness, how am i supposed to just swallow that?” asks Tim in a depressed tone.
    “ You moron! I wish Mary had picked me, I wish I could call Ashley my daughter, I wish I had to deal with diapers, a house, a mother-in-law, I want to have it all. I would give up everything for what you have.” Greg stammers in desperation, now realizing the impact on his life this situation has, before this he doubted Tim even with the gun, but as he looks into his eyes it's no longer Tim he is dealing with, it's someone else, someone rash and uncontrollable..
    “It doesnt matter, I've done what I've done and the changes have been made, permanently. I'm sorry.”  Tim says slowly and calmly.  Tim looks into the eyes of this man, the man who is his best friend and the father of his child, the man he has known his whole life.  He cocks the gun back, and pulls it up to his shoulder and puts his finger on the cold steel trigger.