Sharlana Turner

Dating is like Metro PCS, guaranteed not to work after six months. No contract, unlimited time, and bad communication. I remember cup caking (aka flirting) all night long until I fell asleep, or playing on the party line, acting like an eighteen year old. For me, dating is the thrill of having a new guy in my phone contact list. I’ve always enjoyed meeting new people, but over and over again I’ve learned no guy is the same.

My controversy begins during my pre-teen years at Willard Middle School. I was fatally attracted to a guy that looked like a male model, 5’10; medium built, strong, and athletic, dimples, white teeth, marble brown eyes, and milk chocolate skin to die for. He went by the name Jamal Smith. He was too good to be true. I sent anonymous gifts and letters to my secret lover in Mr. Williams’s second period history class. I would watch him watch me as his girlfriend watched us. I was obsessed with Jamal even though he had a girlfriend. One Valentines Day I sent the most beautiful heart shaped box with candy, confetti, and a letter that was typed and spell checked; it asked him to be my valentine, my lover, or my Romeo. Well, you know his little sidekick (some may call a girlfriend) had to butt in. A huge crowd was coming over my way across the schoolyard; everyone was talking about what sound like my business. I stood my ground. “I would like if you won’t communicate with Jamal… at all cause Alex ain’t cool with all that for real.” I stood there to think, bouncing the four square ball, and trying to understand why the hell her stank ass friend was telling me this while Alex stood right beside her. Who knows? All I know, is he knows, that we know we got it going on.

My next dating experience was when I was a freshman at Berkeley High School. I was fresh meat and all the fly guys were on me like white on rice. I met a guy by the name of Stephan. He was a senior with a car and a great smile. Stephan had an amazing singing voice and had amazing looks to go with it, but he was too damn shy, even over the phone. “Hello?’ he would ask me. “Yeah, what’s good?” I replied. Then total silence fell over both ends of the phone line and I’m thinking, “Why am I wasting my metro minutes on this loser”. However, I thought its because he hella fine. “So, you wanna call me back when you got something to talk about?’ I’d ask and he responds a whack answer. “Yeah, I’ma call you back in like a hour. Just answer your phone.” I stopped answering his phone calls after a while. Reason being, I met someone who could keep me interested. Stephan and me were never together or in a relationship but, out of jealously or stupidity he threw a cement block through my window. Thank God no one was hurt but dammit I was cold that night. I never really found out what was the alibi behind the incident but I never spoke to him since. Poor guy just needed some attention, something I wasn’t willing to give him.

I never believed in love, so I always mingled. Love found me one day, or it must have been cupid with his love spells. Astrology says Aquarius and Gemini make the perfect couple. I met a Gemini named Lamar; he was a senior when I was a sophomore. It was February sixth my fifteenth birthday. I was dressed in a black saltshaker skirt, a hot pink shirt, with the hot pink baby doll shoes, and the hot attitude to match. I was wandering the G building hallways at Berkeley High School. “Happy Birthday” said an unfamiliar voice that couldn’t help noticing all the balloons I had. Lamar congratulated me. “Thank you” I replied with a huge ear to ear smile. Lamar stood a slim frame, 6’2, coco brown skin, and hazel eyes. “What cha doing for your birthday” he asked looking me up and down. “Having a party. You wanna come? Its gon be poppin,” I said. We talked a little longer, gazing into each other’s eyes, and eventually I gave him my number, but he didn’t come to my party. I saw him that following weekend at the Berkeley flea market and he gave he gave me his number. That same night we’d made plans to meet up. I was too shy to meet up with him by myself so I brought my sister, cousin, and my friend along. He stayed by San Pablo Park so we made our way down there. He stepped out on the porch with a look of surprise “Damn, you got hella people with you” he said “ Yeah I know…” A loud mouth old lady with crazy hair and thick glasses, who I found out later on was his mom, rudely interrupted me. “Lamar Franklin get yo behind in this house boy!” Ms. Franklin shouted at the top of her lungs “NOW!” “Man, I am but you ain’t.” Lamar starts explain. He stops “Don’t man me Lamar, now get in here… you tryna hang out with those huchies” she tells him. I already started walking down the street while they were arguing. We still met up that night (just me and him) and talked. We started going together for three hard, stressful years. We were homeless together, cried together, ate together, went to school together, and we found a dog in Richmond. Eventually, we lived together (for one year). “Mommy, come on he ain’t got no where to go and I…” I began “Sharlana, he is not my responsibility, you are and I hope you didn’t promise that boy nothing cuz girl you can’t help everybody” my mom preached. I replied “ Well, I’m leaving with him cuz we’re in love and it will take some time for us to get our stuff together but we will… watch” I stepped out on the porch and hugged Lamar. We began to cry and holding each other tighter through the cold midnight breeze. My mom came outside to join us. “You know what… you can spend the night just for tonight but you gotta figure something out in the morning. Cuz Lamar you and Sharlana know the situation. So ya’ll gon have to work your own problems out. Period. Point. Blank.” We agreed but as time went on that one night soon turned into a continuous thing.

We haven’t talked in two months now, but we were recent friends. The funny part about our relationship that’s so different now is he kissin my ass instead of the other way around. He respects me now, calls my cell phone (I’m not even sure how the hell he got that number), and he walks our dog. As I said I haven’t seen or talked to him in two months, but when we were talking (after we broke up) he made me feel like somebody. I never understood why he couldn’t treat me better sooner. I guess I kinda just gave up on him because together we weren’t going anywhere. I think I can do bad on my own. We really had plans to get married, have kids, and live happily ever after but you really get to know a person when you live with them. I can’t believe I stuck around that long, keeping the faith, hating every minute of it, but trying hard to make it work. I bet you’re wondering why am I putting it on this thick. It’s because my reason for leaving him was why I ended up in handcuffs, community service, and one year of probation. I won’t go any deeper than that. I will tell you that I don’t regret anything but going to jail because till this day that has carried a big ass storm cloud over my head. I’ve had to work three times as hard as the next senior. It’s just made me a stronger woman and helped me find what I want and need in my life. I guess I kinda just gave up on him because together we weren’t going anywhere. I think I can do bad on my own. Dating is just a phase in life that will soon blow pass, but you just gotta make the right decisions. You can either make or break a man so choose them wisely. I’ve found out that there are men out there that won’t manipulate, disrespect, or mislead you. I understand that I haven’t had a hole bunch of experience on dating but just enough to show me that ever thing that glitters ain’t gold. I’m just lucky because this life changing experience could’ve been much worse. In the end I believe I made the best decision of my life because no telling where I would be right now if I’d stuck around. Instead of pleasing my man I do for myself, I find myself writing more poetry, songs, and just enjoying life. Its great to feel free to know you can have anybody without worrying bout the next dude jamming you bout it. Ya dig!