The Vanishing Dreams of Virginia Henderson
               As Told to her Therapist




Tuesday Afternoon Appointment, 2 PM-3:30 PM, February 8th, 1999 -- Excerpt

       “I was in a meeting in this large office building, must’ve been ten times
the size of the one I work in, and my mother was there. I was supposed to
give a presentation, I think, but all I could think about --all I could
focus on --was flossing my teeth. My mother was there, and I knew I had to
floss my teeth satisfactorily for her, and I was just so driven in my
tooth-flossing that, though I had a presentation ready and a strange man in
a business suit kept shouting at me, I couldn’t stop. I had to keep
flossing. It was so Freudian.
       “But then all of a sudden the table started shaking, and I had the distinct
feeling that I’d lost my presentation, and I panicked and stopped flossing
and looked everywhere for it. I looked in some of the most absurd places,
too. I kept running through the building, checking behind elephants and
potted plants. I think at one point I tried to pick up a bathtub, just to
see if somehow my presentation had slipped under it.
       “After a while, I’m not sure how, my quest shifted from searching for a
presentation to looking for a cat. I asked this woman if she had seen where
my cat had gone, but all she did was shake her head and turn into a toad. I
didn’t care for her much. But then my cat popped out of the shadows and ate
her!
       “I was quite surprised by it all, of course. So I gave the cat a talk, and
we both went off hiking. Dream logic, eh?
       “Oh, it all sounds like it should mean something terribly deep. Like I’m
feeling controlled and inadequate about my life or uncomfortable in my new
job. But I really don’t. I can’t say I’ve ever been more satisfied. Jenna,
who I’m working under now --oh, she’s such a nice lady. And she’s been
giving me all the creative control in the world, when it comes to the
projects. Sometimes I wonder if she really should let everyone walk over her
so, but I really can’t complain. I even got to choose my own team, this
time! I’m finally feeling respected.
       “Or maybe the dream did mean something, and I’m just at the end, now --the
part where everything falls into place and I’m in charge of things again.”





Tuesday Afternoon Appointment, 2 PM-3:30 PM, February 22nd, 1999 -- Excerpt

       “Off and on, I’ve been having all these nights where I don’t dream a thing
at all! Such an oddity. I go to bed, and my head hits the pillow, and then,
POOF! I’m awake again. I can’t imagine what the cause might be. Maybe I just
really need the brain-rest.
       “Work is getting to be on the hectic side of things right now. I really
just don’t get how I’m expected to complete both projects by next Friday!
It’s simply not doable. I mean, I’ve got to wait until Fred gets back to me
on the first one before I can even continue working on it, and the second
project is in Julie’s hands right now. I mean, I know I’m coordinating, but
what does she want me to do, shout at them?
       “But you’d think that that’d mean that I’d have even more, even wilder
dreams. Even several per night. That’s what usually happens when I become
stressed. I’ll be having trouble in the waking world, but when I fall asleep
I’m somewhere else and everything’s different. Better. Flying and adventures
and mischievous villains that I always manage to defeat. That’s a world I
could live in. The real world seems pale in comparison.”




Tuesday Afternoon Appointment, 2 PM-3:30 PM, March 1st, 1999 -- Excerpt

       “So you really can see why this would seem weird. I’m just not sure what
could be wrong! Maybe I’m too stressed; maybe I’m not sleeping enough; maybe
I’m not sleeping at the right times; maybe I need a better bed. I don’t
know; I . . . It’s never happened before. I just don’t get it.
       “Like clockwork, they used to come. Every single night, and during naps
besides. Each one different, and exciting, and . . .
       “I could live for those things. I’ve never experienced so much adventure in
waking hours.
       “I don’t suppose you dream often? No? Then you just can’t know --know what
it’s like, having something so amazing come to you every time you close your
eyes. God, it’s unreal. I mean, of course it’s unreal. But, I mean --you
know what I mean.


       “I’ve never had a nightmare. Can you believe it? Never. I’ve had all these
dream experiences that could have been scary, or even should have been
scary. Danger and weirdness and everything. But they weren’t. I’ve never had
that fear that people talk about. Not while asleep.
       “Oh, sleep. I sleep so much. Not as much as when I was at my old job, mind
you, but we all must sacrifice some things for a better life. I still sleep
more than the average person, I think.
       “And yet, they’re dripping away.
       “It started a few weeks ago, you know. I thought it was nothing, it started
as such a small difference. Maybe one night out of seven would be dreamless.
It wasn’t such a big deal. I didn’t think it would affect me so much. But
this week --
       “I’ve gone three consecutive nights without dreaming, and I’m at my wit’s
end. Isn’t that pathetic?”





Tuesday Afternoon Appointment, 2 PM-3:30 PM, March 15th, 1999 -- Excerpt

       “I’ve gone this whole week without dreaming. I really wonder if it is my
fault. Have I done something wrong? Or am I just . . . getting too old for
such fanciful frivolities? Maybe I should move on. Live in the here-now.
Give up on . . . dreams. Perhaps my brain has simply run out of some
chemical. Maybe I’ll never dream again.
       “I don’t know.
       “Oh, this is stressing me out so. Maybe it’s the stress. That would be
ironic. Self-perpetuating dreamlessness. The latest in really stupid
conditions.
       “And speaking of really stupid conditions --oh, don’t look at me like that
--speaking of really stupid conditions, you’ll never believe me, but the
craziest thing happened on Monday. Yesterday. I was at work (and you know I
work on the third floor of my building, right?), and of course I was minding
my own business. Working on the tasks that had been assigned to me, and
having a rather dreadful time. And I looked out my window, and I saw, or I
thought I saw --it could very well have been some trick of the light. Maybe
the hue of some orange blimp, or a billboard, or something, reflecting off
the glass. It could have been that simple. I don’t know. But it looked so
much like a fish.
       “It was only there for a moment.”




Tuesday Afternoon Appointment, 2 PM-3:30 PM, March 22nd, 1999 -- Excerpt

       “And in the midst of it all, I’ve stopped dreaming completely! All this
stuff going on, and I’ve lost completely my one method of release. How on
earth am I going to get through this?
       “I’ve told them it’s a mistake a million times, but they keep saying that
I’ve been chosen to go into space! I haven’t even heard of the darn planet,
and they’ve got it into their heads that they’re going to send me to it.
Why, it’s absurd. What qualifications could I possibly have? It’s
implausible. Impossible. It simply must be a mistake.
       “And the oddest thing about it is, somehow Jenna, my darling boss, is a
part of mission control. How on earth did that happen, I do not know. But
she keeps putting on that headset, and spewing scientific nonsense as if
it’s a part of her ordinary job.”




Emergency Appointment, Thursday Afternoon, 2 PM-3:00 PM, March 24th, 1999 --
Excerpt

       “I’m really not sure what’s going on. I mean -- you saw the evening news
just as well as I. It’s not logical! I really have to wonder if I’m going
crazy. But I can’t be, because if I were, I’d have reliable old you to cart
me off to the funny farm, right? I mean, that is among your job duties. But
here I am, chatting about the craziest things ever, and you’re just sitting
there listening, like I’m the most grounded person to walk in your door.
Because, crazy as the things I’m seeing and hearing about are, everyone else
is seeing them and hearing about them, too.
       “But dinosaurs! Really! Stomping around like it’s the stone age, or
whenever they were, and then disappearing completely? What is going on?
Where could they have come from, or gone, or --it’s so illogical. It’s
unrealistic. I just don’t get it.”




Tuesday Afternoon Appointment, 2 PM-3:30 PM, March 29th, 1999 -- Excerpt

       “I get it, now. It took me a while, I’ll admit, but -- guess how I got
here. Here, to this appointment. Just guess.
       “I’ll tell you.
       “I flew.
       “It’s amazing. I’m not worried anymore. I’m not stressed. I’m not afraid of
my lost dreams. I get it.
       “I don’t need them anymore.
       “Everything I’ve missed, everything I’ve been worrying over, everything
I’ve dreamed about -- it’s here. I don’t know how, but it is. Flying and
adventures, danger and weirdness and the nonsensical notion that is dream
logic. Yesterday, instead of going to work, I walked halfway to the office
and found myself in a maze. And I spent the whole day wandering around,
figuring out puzzles and trying to find the end of the maze. Of course, it
finally turned out that the only way out was the way I had come in (I felt a
little silly for not having realized that), as a nice butler informed me
after a while. Then he took me to the planetarium. I don’t think I
encountered a single thing that was ordinary.
       “Wonderful, isn’t it? My whole world’s been turned upside down, and I
couldn’t be more pleased.
       “And, oh, it must seem so peculiar to the people around me -- the people
who have to deal with the fact that my dreams have leaked into real life.
But everyone seems to have adapted exceptionally well. Why, look at you!
Turning into a penguin as I speak, and you don’t even bat an eyelash. You’d
think it happens to you every day! Though, I suppose, with the way things
are going, it might.
       “Well, goodbye, now. It’s really no use, me talking to a penguin, anyway.
And I do feel quite well, now. Free as a bird (no pun intended). I might
even cancel next week’s appointment, if you don’t mind.
       “But of course you don’t. You’re a penguin.”