Silent Screaming

“Watch out, Andy!” Charles shouted as he pulled his best friend out of the path of the screaming ambulance. Andrew stumbled and doubled over as he tried to catch his breath.

She said nothing. The cop opened his mouth but nothing came out. Andrew took off his backpack and shot towards the door looking for answers. He ran into a cop a couple feet in front it.

“But it’s my house.” The sound of the door opening ended the conversation. His body froze as he watched the black bag on the gurney being carried by. All he could hear was his heartbeat. It was like the world got put on mute. He saw the cop failing to catch him as he fell over, then his vision faded to complete darkness.

“Andrew, It’s been two years. Why don’t you go out and have some fun? Meet some new people or call up that Charles kid. You haven’t spoken to him since it happened,” Mom said in a sweet, yet harsh, voice.

He glanced around his room desperately searching for something to hurl but saw only emptiness. His foot slipped as he was trying to escape through the window. He rolled off the roof but luckily it was only a ten foot drop. If he hadn’t fallen on his back, he probably would have died.

He shivered as he soaked his cold, motionless body in the rain. He couldn’t get up even if he wanted to, which he didn’t. He simply laid there with his arms to his sides and his face completely vacant and expressionless. He didn’t blink as he stared through the rain, and into the pitch-black, starless, sky. His mind then forced him into an unwanted memory.

“Cuz I’m your older brother, doofus, now go long.” Andrew sprinted off to show his brother, John, how fast he was. John paused to show his little bro that he was impressed then threw a perfect pass. It spiraled just high enough to force Andrew to look directly into the sun, blinding him from all of his surroundings. Andrew was determined to catch the ball so he kept on going.

The ball was dropping fast but he wasn’t where he needed to be. He ran even harder then he was before but it still wasn’t enough. The only thing he could do was jump. He didn’t care how much it hurt when he hit the ground as long as his favorite person in the world saw him do it. So he jumped. He jumped as high as he could and grabbed that ball right out the sky. He pulled it to his chest and prepared himself to hit the hard ground but something broke his fall.

“Hey! You leave him alone! He’s only seven!” John yelled furiously as he darted over to his crying brother.

“He shouldn’t have ran into me. Hopefully, he learned his lesson. Damn cry baby.” The bully could barely stand after the punch from John connected to his jaw. He stomped off angry and embarrassed.

Andrew screamed as his tears rolled down his face. He grabbed his hair and shut his eyes tight trying his hardest to forget but there was no use. He let out another scream. He breathed hard as he rocked in a ball. He held his head up by his hair and just stared into his lap, rocking back and forth, back and forth.

The thunder quickly snapped him out of his crazed state. He got up and walked to the front of the house hoping his mother had fallen asleep.

“Where have you been, Andrew? It has been two hours. I was so worried. I’ve already lost John I can’t lose you too,” Mom said frantically

“Why do you always have to bring him up?! Just leave him in the past where he belongs!” Andrew roared with tears in his eyes.

That’s how most of Andrew’s conversations ended. He protected himself from getting close to anyone. He felt like he was locked in a safe blocking everyone out. It felt like no one could possibly know what was going on inside him, not this darkness, this despair. Losing his brother felt like he lost a piece of himself that he would never get back.

The house shook when he slammed the door to his room. It was like walking into a third world country. The holes in the wall were results of his anger. He slept on a mattress on the floor. He had no posters on the walls, no T.V. and no computer. He didn’t even have a light bulb. He lived in candlelight, by choice; there are too many memories in the light. Alone in the dark room was a desk with a rather large knife and his art work scattered all over it.

He drew his depression. “You’re an amazing artist,” John always told him. “Don’t forget about me when you become rich.” When his brother was here with him, he would draw beautiful pictures of them fishing and playing football. John loved the outdoors. He created the most beautiful Works of art back when he wanted to. Now, his drawings were always dark and strange. He drew cruel and terrible things. He drew his depression.

He opened a drawer looking for his pencils and under a pile of old papers he pulled out a photograph of John and him swimming at the lake.

Andy trusted John but was still nervous. He had never been in water deeper than 4 feet and this was at least 6. His legs were shaky as he stood there crouched ready to jump. He hesitated there for a while contemplating whether or not it was safe enough, then as he felt his feet slip he realized he no longer had a choice.

He gasped causing him to inhale water into his lungs. Believing he was going to die, Andrew began to kick and grab at the water as hard as he could, then suddenly he was safe again in his brothers arms.

Andrew, coughing the water out of his system, was shivering so John got out of the lake to rest him on the grass. Mom came over to see if her son was okay.

“Don’t worry about it,” John snapped at Andrew. He stomped off and dove back into the lake. He swam until he was out of Andrew’s sight and tried to calm himself down. Andrew was left to ask his mom about what had just happened.

He put another dent into the wall when he snapped out of his memory. He grabbed his knife and stabbed the picture to the wall. No pain was eased. There was nothing he could do so he turned around to lean on the wall but ended up sliding down it, slowly falling until he hit the cold, hard ground.

Mom was busy in the kitchen making dinner for her and Andy. She never had to worry about not making enough food because Andy was all she had left and he never really ate too much. Dad used to eat a lot. He had two plates before John could finish one. Andrew was never big enough to eat faster than dad but he sure did try every single time. He came pretty close once when Mom made the boys’ favorite.

“Lasagna! Ya better watch out dad. Andy looks hungry,” John said to his father with confidence. “Andy, I’m kinda full but you could beat him this time I know it.” He whispered to his little bro.

Andy watched her as she let go of the napkin. As soon as it hit the table he dug in, scooping forks packed with lasagna, peas, and salad. Dad pretended to eat his fastest but was paying close attention to how quickly Andy was eating and tried to mimic it.

When Andy had a bite to go he looked up to see if he had lost. He was shocked to see that Dad also had one last bite. He quickly scooped it in his mouth as he watched his dad do the same.

“We tied, we tied!” Andrew screamed in excitement. Every one stood up and began to clap. His excitement doubled as he was lifted onto his father’s shoulders. He gave his brother multiple high fives as Dad continued to go in circles for Andy’s victory walk.

Mom never had dinners like that anymore. Dad made it clear that he didn’t want to be there when he walked out on them a long time ago. “Tell the boys I said I’m sorry,” was all that the note said.

“Don’t cry. Gotta stay strong. Strong for Andy,” she said to herself. She took a few deep breathes before going back to her cooking.

“Andrew, dinners almost ready,” she called out but there was no answer. “Andrew, dinner,” she tried again but still nothing.

His door creaked as she gradually opened it. She jumped when she saw him sitting there under the knife stabbed into the wall.

“Didn’t you hear me calling you?” she asked completely confused “and why is this knife in the wall?” She pulled it out causing the picture to glide very gently down to the floor. Andrew sat there staring at it.

“What do you mean sweetie?” Mom said concerned. Andrew stood up and repeated “I can not do this anymore.”

He was getting angry. “Help me!” he screamed as he pushed her against the wall. She was too frightened to speak. Andrew was standing there breathing hard and deep. He stared at her directly in the eyes with his fists balled tight and mouthed the words “Help me”. Mom shook her head very slowly as she began to cry.

He charged her like a bull. She put out her hands to protect herself right before they collided. He grabbed his mother by the arms as his body went limp. The knife she was holding went straight through his chest, directly above his heart. She screamed but he couldn’t hear her. It was like the world got put on mute. He stared into his mother’s eyes as she failed to hold him up until finally, he fell. His vision was blinded by a white light as he hit the ground. He closed his eyes and smiled as he felt his mind slip.