Faded

       "I'll be home soon, ok Marie?" My mom picked up her purse and left
the house, slamming the door behind her. I had grown accustomed to her
leaving without saying goodbye. It had been like that for a long time,
ever since my older sister, Laura, had ran away when she was just a
teenager. That changed my family forever. My parents had become
distant, both with each other and with me. I also had to start looking
out for my little sister, Emma, even more as a result. My parents
needed as much help as they could get.
       I stood in the kitchen, and listened to my mom's car drive away. I
was alone in the house, and it was another chance for me to go
upstairs to the attic, without my parents having any idea. All the
pictures of Laura had been taken down soon after her departure, as if
my parents wanted to erase her from their memory. They changed her
bedroom into an office, they boxed up everything that belonged to her,
but instead of throwing it away, they kept it upstairs, keeping it
close, but hidden. I had taken a few things that belonged to her and
kept them in my room. Most of it I left where my parents wanted it. I
walked upstairs, past the second floor, and before I knew it I was in
front of the attic door. I looked behind me before continuing, as if
someone would catch me going inside. I pushed the door open with my
foot, and took small steps as it creaked open. Boxes upon boxes filled
the dusty room. I walked to the back, and picked up the first box I
saw. I placed it in front me, sat down and took the items out one by
one. At first all I could find were old assignments of hers, just a
bunch of loose papers, things like that. However, two pictures were
placed at the very bottom. They were sitting, and had probably been
untouched for years. There were two pictures, one taken of people I
hardly recognized anymore. After Laura ran away, her friends weren't
around as much, and after a while it seemed as if they had left as
well, although I always knew they were still close by. One picture at
the bottom of the box struck me. It was of the two of us, with our
arms around each other, smiling. I knew I couldn't go on like this
anymore; I knew I had to find her. It had been six years. She was
sixteen when she left, and I was only twelve. I had missed six years
without an older sister, and I couldn't sit back and do nothing
anymore. Suddenly I heard the front door close downstairs.
       "Marie?" My mom had come back sooner than I had anticipated. I put
everything back the way I had found it, except for the last picture I
had come across. I tiptoed out of the attic, and crept downstairs,
trying to be as quiet as possible.
       "I'm here mom, I was just listening to music. Sorry I couldn't hear you."
       "Whatever, just don't stay up there all evening. Emma will need to
eat sometime, I have too much work to do right now; I can't take care
of her at the moment," my mom replied with a hint of annoyance. I went
inside my room, and put the picture in my closet. I suddenly realized
what I could do to find my sister. The next day I would begin my
search to find her, and I wouldn't stop until I did.

       I woke up earlier than usual and walked over to my friend Audrey's
house. She used to be a good friend of mine, and she was a neighbor
with Laura's best friend, Liz. I wanted to get Audrey's opinion of my
plan to talk to talk to her. I walked up the stairs, and knocked on
Audrey's door. Seconds passed, and no one answered. I turned around
and walked away from the house, reaching only the first step of the
long staircase before I heard the door open
       "Hello?" A familiar voice spoke; I could tell right away that it was
Audrey. I turned back around. At first Audrey seemed not to recognize
me, but soon I could tell she was confused. A moment passed, and then
she spoke.
       "Marie?" We were both silent for a few seconds; I didn't know how to
respond. But she continued. "Oh my god…this is…how long has it been?"
       "Too long. How are you?" Audrey still seemed surprised. I couldn't
get the courage to look her in the eye. I distracted myself with the
awkward silence by looking at the ground. She surprised me by
welcoming me into her house. I followed her inside, and sat down on
the couch. I suddenly had visions of when I was a kid, when Laura
would drop me off and pick me here while she went to see Liz.
       "I'm ok, I'm still getting used to the idea that we're done with high
school, but other than that, things are good." I was still surprised
she was being this friendly. She was acting like it hadn't been years
since we had last seen each other. I responded quickly, feeling
guilty, like I should just cut to the chase.
       "Yeah, me too. It is going to be a pretty big transition." I paused
for a second, and then continued. "Listen, I need a favor."
       "A favor? So you didn't just want to see me?" Guilt overwhelmed me,
until Audrey spoke again. "That was rude. I'm sorry; I'm just
surprised to see you. I never thought it would happen. What do you
need?" I looked away for a moment, wondering whether this was the
right idea. But I knew this had to be done.
       "Does Liz still live around here? I know she's already out of college
now, but is she at home for the summer?" Audrey was lost in thought
for a moment.
       "Yeah, I think I saw her the other day. But why do you need to see
her?" I knew it would be awkward to say Laura's name again. I hadn't
spoken her name for a long time.
       "It's about…my sister." I couldn't get myself to say her name out
loud, much less to Audrey.
       "What? Is Emma ok?" I thought Audrey would understand that I wasn't
talking about Emma.
       "Audrey…it's about Laura." Audrey looked surprised.
       "Laura?" Audrey seemed to be in shock, and I was too, a bit.
Everything about this situation felt ridiculous. Having this idea to
find her, seeing Audrey again, trying to act casual about something
that was a big deal, and would have an affect on everyone in my life.
       "It's hard but I need your help. It has been a long time. I know
that. And I know it might even be impossible. But Audrey, I've lived
too long without her. And I want Emma to know about her other big
sister. I need to know for myself. I need to at least get some
closure. I just, I can't keep this to myself for the rest of my live.
This has to be done, or at least attempted. Could you call Liz? Or
give me her number?" I took a deep breath, hoping Audrey could help
me.
       "Of course I'll help. You were really young when she left, so I know
you couldn't have done much then. But I'm glad you are trying now. I
know it must be really hard. How about I walk over to Liz's house with
you? I don't know for sure, but I assume that they kept in touch. I
know it won't be easy to talk to her, to ask her if she knows where
your sister is. That's why I want to come with you. And if she does
know, I'll help you to make this happen."
       I smiled at Audrey, and stood up to hug her. "Thank you," I
whispered, as a tear rolled down my cheek.
       "What are friends for?"

       Audrey and I spent a little more time at her house, reminiscing about
the past, while also trying to get caught up with how much we had
missed of each other's lives. Fortunately for me, not much was
different. Part of the reason we hadn't kept in touch was because we
went to separate high schools and my experience was a fairly simple
one to explain
       "I'm not sure I'm comfortable with this."
       Audrey and I were in front of Liz's house, and I suddenly had
butterflies in my stomach.
       "Marie, you told me yourself that this has to be done. And it does
have to. I'll knock for you. I'll even help explain if you're having
trouble with that. Just walk towards the door."
       I looked towards Audrey, and toward the door one last time. I gained
enough confidence to manage making it to the door. Audrey knocked. She
looked at me, and I began to pace back and forth on the porch.
       "It'll be ok," Audrey said whilethe door opened.
       Liz was standing before us. She looked the same as I remembered her.
Tall, dark skinned, fashionable Liz. "Do I know you?" She didn't
recognize me.
       "It's me, Marie."
       She squinted her eyes a bit, as if she was trying to remember something.
       "Look, I need to find Laura." I had said that a little sooner than I
wanted to, which obviously was a mistake.
       "Laura? You want to find Laura? Good god, Marie." She obviously
remembered something.
       "Liz, don't get angry. This is really important, you have to tell us
where she's staying, or something that could help us. Just tell us
anything you know," Audrey said with more confidence than I could
muster up.
       "You realize how screwed up this is? Do you know how many days I
spent wondering why your parents showed no desperation? The way your
parents acted Marie, was unfathomable. They asked me once where she
was. I tried to be her trustworthy best friend, and I kept her secret.
But if your mom or dad had come to me again, and shown a little
desperation or sadness, I would have told them Laura's secret. Now,
six years later, you want to know?"
       I felt overwhelmed with guilt, anger, sadness, and disbelief…so many
emotions I couldn't balance together. I couldn't help the tears from
falling. I managed to get a few more words out.
       "Her address, Liz. Please."
       Liz was standing in the doorway, and didn't move an inch. Tears were
streaming down my face, and I couldn't bear to look at her stand
still, realizing she wouldn't help me. I walked away from her house,
in disbelief that I was back to square one. I walked a few block
towards my house, knowing I had to clean my face up before I went
inside. But Audrey caught up with, and handed me a piece of paper with
an unknown address written on it. I was shocked. I looked back up at
Audrey.
       "You walked away a little too soon. She went up to her room
immediately after you left, came back down, and handed me this. This
is it, Marie. Liz said she's been living in France."
       I wiped my tear-wet cheek with my sleeve, and sat down on the curb. I
took a deep breath, and stared at this piece of paper before me.
       "France? Seriously? How is this possible, how am I supposed to go to
France?"        Audrey tilted her head to the side, as if she had an idea.
"It's summer, Marie, so you are right about the money, especially
since it is a last minute ticket. If you need help with money, I can
loan you a little, but I would just need you to promise to pay me
back."  My eyes were wide. To know that Liz knew where my sister was
all along, that my parents didn't persuade her to tell them, made me
sick to my stomach. But the fact that I had a chance to find her gave
me hope.
       "My parents won't be a problem. I'll ask them tonight."
       "You can do this, Marie. I'll help you find her. And if you don't
convince your parents, it doesn't matter. You're 18, so you don't need
their permission. Although, it might scare them into thinking that you
are doing the same thing as your sister."
       "I'll ask."
       We both looked towards the empty street and remained silent. When I
saw the fist car pass by, I decided it was time to go inside and face
what I had been putting off for too long.
       "I have to get home. I'm really glad you came to me for help." I
hugged Audrey, now knowing there was still something between us, even
with all of the lost time. It gave me hope for a reunion with my
sister.
       "You have no idea how much your help has meant to me."
       She smiled, and walked towards her house. I waited a bit longer, and
then walked into my own, where Emma was waiting to play with me.
       "Marie!" Emma ran and squeezed my legs.
       "Hey Emma! I missed you today."
       She pulled my hand and dragged me into the living room. I decided to
spend some time playing with her before I asked my parents about
France. I would though, later that evening.
       Maybe it was fear that overcame me, but I couldn't make myself ask
for my parents' permission. It seemed ridiculous to bring up Laura
after all that time of never mentioning her. I called Audrey back,
telling her instead of traveling with her, which would be too
difficult for me to arrange, I would go by myself.
       "Audrey, I am sincerely grateful to you for offering to do this; you
have no idea. But it's just not rational for me to bring up Laura as a
dinner topic. I can't ask my parents, I just can't. It's insane." I
was sitting in my room whispering to Audrey on the phone. She took a
deep breath, probably thinking I was as crazy as I thought myself to
be.
       "I guess it might be a little overwhelming to bring it up like that,
especially with Emma being able to overhear. I can help pay for the
ticket though, especially because it's a last minute thing."
       "Thanks, Audrey. Really, this is amazing."
       "It's necessary is what it is."
**************************************
       "Do you need help miss?" A man passed by me on the train, offering to
help me with my bags, assuming I was a foreigner. I shook my head and
smiled, then sat down. I had left my house a day earlier, in the early
hours of the morning, leaving my parents a note explaining what I was
doing. I made it clear that I had enough money, and that I was fine on
transportation and getting around the city since I had been taking
French all through high school. I told them it was something I had to
do, that I didn't want to cause them pain, but it hurt me to not try.
After finishing the note, I looked in on Emma, wanting to watch her
one last time, and hoping she wouldn't be too scared when she realized
I would be gone for a few days. I got my bags, took the metro to the
airport, and a day later here I was, on the train to the other side of
Paris. I closed my eyes, feeling exhausted.
       "What do you mean she isn't home?" My mom had just arrived home from
work, only to find that Laura hadn't come home for the second night in
a row. My dad got up from the couch, looking fierce with anger.
       "What do you expect Anne? Have you taken any notice in her behavior
for the past few years? She doesn't listen to anything we say. She
doesn't have any respect for us." I stood at the top of the stairs,
looking down and listening to their conversation. I was afraid for
Laura, who had been making my parents stressed.
       "Dan, she is our daughter. We have to talk some sense into her, we
can't just give up." My mom dropped her purse on the floor. It seemed
she couldn't muster up the energy to even walk upstairs.
       "Anne, I have given up. This behavior of her is…. childish. She's
immature; she can't take responsibility. You can stay up waiting for
her to come home, which would be a waste of your time. I'm going to
bed." My dad turned away from my mom and walked upstairs. I quickly
went into my room and closed the door, hearing my father slam his
bedroom door. My mom didn't come upstairs, so I walked out of my room
to see where she was. I saw her crying on the couch, her face in her
hands.
       The train came to a halt, and I was suddenly woken from my sleep. I
thought about the dream I had just had, remembering that it wasn't a
dream at all, it was a memory, one that I hadn't recalled for a long
time, at least not in that much detail. I realized this was my stop,
took my bags and got off. I exited the station, and looked at a map
posted on the side of the building. I took the address out of my bag,
and spent a couple minutes figuring out which direction I should go. I
realized I was very close to where Laura's apartment would be. I
started walking, realizing I was taking insanely small steps. Then I
came to her building. I stood in front for a minute, and then someone
came out. She held the door, probably assuming I lived there. I smiled
slightly, and walked inside. I looked at the room number closest to
me, and the one on the piece of paper. I took the elevator up two
floors, and before I knew it I was standing in front of the apartment
whose address was on the paper in my hand. I put down my bags, feeling
like I was shaking all over. I made a fist, trying to bring myself to
knock on the door. I finally managed to knock, but only once. I heard
footsteps in the apartment, and looked down at the grey floor below
me, trying to think of something to say if in fact it was Laura who
answered the door. A second later, the door opened, and it took me
only an instant to know that my older sister was standing in front of
me. We were both speechless, but then she spoke.
       "Marie? " Tears were streaming down her face, and mine as well. "Oh
my god," she said as she hugged me. Years of missing her seemed to
come crashing down on me, and I felt overwhelmed. We managed to pull
away from each other. She helped me take my bags into her apartment.
We walked inside and she closed the door, while something seemed to
open inside of me.