My last performance, in the biggest Mexican city, the most important concert of my life, my last concert in this country before I start my tour around the world. The auditorium was full 200,000 people and not a single space available. I was supposed to be happy, it was suppose to be the happiest day of my life, but I did not feel that way. I had one of the worst pains anyone could experience. I had a broken heart, my first broken heart, the first time I have ever been in love. But let’s start from the beginning.

                                                                 ***

         I was born in a small town in the state of Sinaloa; I was the oldest of two children- me Jose Perez, my brother Alberto and my mom Consuelo. My dad he left my mom and ran off with what he loved the most- his Tequila.

         I was born in a humble house in a small town where there was hardly anything to eat. My mom had to work washing clothes in order to get enough money to feed us; me and my brother would usually help her take care of the animals at the farm we own, it was small but it helped us on our time of need. I remember that on Christmas I would always wake up wishing to see a nice toy under the tree, but the only thing my brother and I got to see, was a bag of candy and the next day a tear in the eye of mom after saying Merry Christmas.

         The next year I worked for a former friend of my dad. His farm was enormous and there was a lot work to be done. At first he had me cleaning the barn, then he told me to feed the animals. I was happy at this job because the pay I would get was enough to help my mom, and after work at night all the workers would get together. They would all gather around a bonfire to warm up, then they would get their musical instruments, a guitar, an accordion, and a violin, then they would start singing, just for fun. Sometimes songs were about women and how they had cheated on them.

         One day after work they again were singing but this time one of the workers asked me to sing along, and to play the guitar.

         "Jose come and join us." He said.

         "But I don’t know how to sing, not even how to play the guitar." I answered.

         "Do you want to learn?" he asked me.

         "Would you teach me?" I answered.

         "What are friends for?" he said.

         That night we all were there but this time no one was singing, they all were teaching me how to play the guitar. At the same time I was learning all this lyrics were running through my head. Lyrics of songs I had never heard before.

         One day after work as usual we all got together and started singing and playing our instruments. I was still learning. Then all of the sudden one of the workers sang about his ex-girlfriend, and starts asking us to sing along and to play. We all did so and he began singing.

         " The day a found you I fell for you,

         you know I have never denied

         you made go mad about you

         and I deluded fell into your trap.

         All of the sudden all of it ended

         you broke your promise of always loving me"

         He went on singing, with every verse he would put his arms on his chest, then extend them towards the sky. Me, I was just listening hoping and wishing for it never happening to me.

         The next day was Sunday so I didn’t have to go to work, and my mom, brother and I went to church. After one Sunday something happened to my brother. He said "mom I think I want to be a priest." My mom and I were surprised because we both knew he wasn’t well behaved; I can even say he was the devil’s son. After that Alberto started going to church more often and I guess he was serious about becoming a priest. From time to time I would go with him, but because of my job it was rare when I could get away. It was fun watching him behave, because he had never been like this, not until after dad left us.

         I remember one day when Alberto ask my mom for my dad.

         "Why did dad leave us mom?" Alberto asked.

         "When is he coming back?" he kept on asking.

         That kind of questioning would always made my mom go to bed crying and me wondering what had become of my father.

         I wanted to go to school but because we were so poor, and I was working all day trying to help my mom, I was only able to learn how to write and read. My brother, he got lucky because at church they taught him all he needed.

         The next five years was mostly work and work and my brother was about to become a priest. After work now there was no reason for the other workers to stop the singing just to show me how to play the guitar. I was now a great guitar player and I was able to write my own songs.

         "Mom, I was thinking, if I stay here I won’t make that much money, and I wont be able to help you." I said.

         "You go and do what you think is best for you. It’s time you make your own life," she answered.

         "But, mom, I want to help you, and I will. You just wait and see." I said.

         A week later I was talking to my brother, and he was now a priest, and I told him that I was planning on going to the city and try get a better job to help my mom.

         "You can’t go, not now, I am going out of the town and we can’t leave mom alone."

Alberto said.

         "But you have to understand that if I stay here I won’t be able to help mom the way we both want. I want to buy her a big house. I don’t want her to work anymore." I said.

         Alberto decided to stay and help mom out with everything he could. I decided to go to the city and start working on reaching my goal of becoming a great star. I headed to the city taking only my guitar, and with one hundred dollars in my wallet.

         I took the train there; it was a big city with lots of people. I did not know anyone; I was on my own. I didn’t know what to do, where to go. At the train station I bumped into an odd guy; we just rub shoulders. So I left the station and wonder out on the streets. Then all of the sudden some man taps my shoulder; I turned around and see that it was this man the one I had just bumped into.

         "Sir, is this your wallet?" he asked me.

         "Well, yes it is, I must have dropped it." I answered.

         "You have to be more careful, there are a lot of thieves in this city." He said.

         "I’m not so worried about losing my wallet; the only thing of value to me in here is my brother’s and mom’s photos." I said.

         "Yeah I bet, you only have a hundred dollars." He said.

         "I never put my money in my wallet. I have five thousand dollars, here in my belt. I keep them hidden just in case." I answered.

         "Do you have a place to stay?" the strange man asked me.

         "No I don’t." I answered.

         "Why don’t you come and stay with me?" he asked me.

         "That would be great, but I don’t even know your name." I said.

         "Where are my manners? my name is Tito."

         "Ok, Tito, I’ll stay at your place, and by the way my name is Jose." I said.

         "Ok let’s go; oh there is our bus- hurry." Tito said.

         We got there. The place were he lived was kind of small, and there were apartments, but it was ok hopefully I would only stay there for only a couple of days. (When we got there a woman approached us and said,)

         "Tito, where do you think you are going, you owe me three months of rent."

         "Oh hi, my lovely lady. I told you that I’m going to pay you." Tito answered.

         "I’m not your lady." The lady said.

         "Yeah, you are not lovely either" Tito said. "Hey, Jose, et me borrow a hundred dollars. I promise I’ll pay you back."

         "Here you go." I said.

         "Thanks. Here is a hundred dollars." Tito told the lady.

         "Did you see that, Jose? That lady is just mean with me, because she likes me but I have never asked out." Tito said joking.

         "Well, here is my apartment." Tito said.

         "Do you live here?" I asked.

         "Yeah. Isn’t great?" Tito said.

         "It seems to be comfortable, but is full of junk." I said.

         "Come on. Do you think this is junk? Just look at this phone." Tito said.

         "Oh wow, you have a phone. Can I use it?" I asked.

         "Oh no can do my friend." Tito answered.

         "But why?" I asked.

         "Because, I found it and it doesn’t work." Tito answered.

         "Ok. Where am I going to sleep?" I asked.

         "You are sleeping here in this couch," Tito said. "Let me just get you some blankets."

         "Thanks, I don’t know how to repay you." I said.

         "Don’t worry." Tito answered.

         "I have my guitar with me, I could sing you something." I said.

         "No. I didn’t think you were vengeful." Tito said. He was a joker.

         Next morning Tito said that he would like to be my manager. He said that he would get me gig, he said that he would get me a multimillionaire contract. Then he asked me for thirty dollars, he said he needed that money for transportation, so I gave him the money.

         That night he took off to a theater and took me with him. He had a conversation with the owner. Meanwhile I was admiring the structure of the building. After admiring the building I went looking for Tito. I saw him talking to the owner and I didn’t want to interrupt him, but something inside of me made me eavesdrop. This is what I heard.

         "I’m telling you Mr. Rosales, this guy is going to be big," Tito said. "Just give him a change, he wont disappoint you, I promise."

         "I’m sorry but is kind of hard to trust," Mr. Rosales said. "After that Chihuahua dog that you said that could sing, you disappointed me there."

         "Wait Mr. Rosales, you misunderstood me. I said I was going to bring you someone from Chihuahua that sings like a dog." Tito said.

         "You seem so sure about this guy. Is he that good of a singer?" Mr. Rosales asked.

         "I don’t know I have never heard him sing, or play the guitar." Tito answered.

         "I don’t know." Mr. Rosales said.

         "Look Mr. Rosales, if you don’t like him I promise you, I will work for you for an entire month for free." Tito said.

         "Ok you have your self a deal, bring him and I’ll let him have an audition." Mr. Rosales said. " You know what, is he here tonight?"

         "Yeah he is why?" Tito asked.

         "I’m going let him have his audition here tonight, and who better judge than the public in this theater." Mr. Rosales said.

         "Are you serious? Let me go look for him." Tito said.

         After hearing that I made as if I was just getting there, Tito gave me the good news, just that there were news anymore. There was my first performance, in front of no more than fifty people.

         When I ended with my song Tito was waiting for me, he seemed really happy, his face was cover by a big smile.

         "Jose, guess what?" Tito asked me. "Starting today you are going be working here, you are going get pay 200 dollars a day. Just remember my 50%."

         "Yeah sure." I answered.

         That day I met a co-worker, she was also a singer, she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen, her name was Susan, I just could not stay there still without getting to meet her. I asked Tito to head off and make reservations on a restaurant. I gave him 100 dollars.

         At the restaurant we started talking and Susan said that she had also came from a small town, and she did it because she wanted to be a star. But that it was harder that she taught, and came to the city looking for a big contract but instead she ended up working at that small theater. We worked there for a couple of years, then Tito came and told Susan that he had gotten her a contract in a bigger theater, and that she will be earning more than what she is earning now there with Mr. Rosales. When they told me I was happy but at the same time sad because I would get to work with here anymore.

         "I’m so happy for you. It’s too bad we wont be able to work together anymore." I said.

         "Don’t get so ahead of your self, the contract is for both of you," Tito said. "The contractors want you to play the guitar and want her to sing. So from now on you are a duo."

         After my last show in the theater of Mr. Rosales we went back home, I was still living with Tito. When we got there I notice Tito a bit worried, and I asked him what was wrong, he decided to open up, and told me that I was earning 400 at Mr. Rosales theater, but he told me that I was earning 200, he apologize, I told him that there was nothing to worry about, but he kept on apologizing, and then said that the only reason he took me into his home was because he wanted to get his hands on my 5 thousands dollars, he promise to pay me every single dollar. I just told him to let it go, and told him that if it weren’t for him I would have never start singing.

                                                        *****

         At the new theater we were the main event, we were big, and my dream was coming trough. She would sing and I would play the guitar, the good thing was that she was singing my songs, but not only her, now even famous people were singing my songs.

With my new job, I was earning more money, and with that money Tito and I were now able to buy our own place and get out of Tito’s apartment. But for some reason Tito wanted to take all of his stuff, but I convinced him not to take it.

         One day on a news papers an article written saying that Susan was nothing with out my songs. This upset Susan, making her that day deciding to go out and performed by her self, singing other songs that were not mine. The public was angry, and did not want more of her singing, they started yelling and whistling, up to a point when Susan could not take it any more and walked of the stage.

         The owner of this big theater was a man named Marcus, he was at the theater when Susan decided to go on to the stage by her self, he was so angry that threaten her to cancel her contract if she ever taught about pulling another stunt like this. He then asked me to get on stage and try to calm the people down, so I did.

         Susan was so upset that she quit the very next day and decided to go solo. Then I didn’t heard much from her than what Tito used to tell every time she wrote. One day I found a letter address to Tito, it was from Susan. The letter said that she wasn’t doing so well, but she didn’t want me to find out. After reading that letter I asked Tito to help Susan without her knowing that it was I the one helping her. He answered me that he had been doing that for the past year.

         One year later I heard that Susan was on tour and she was coming back, just for a couple of days, I went to her show just to find out that she was not going to be o the show because she was sick, and was in the hospital. That same night I decided to go see her, she looked really sick, but it was nothing to worry about, just some fever.

         "Hi Susan. How are you?" I asked her

         "I think I’m ok, I’m not going to die today.” She answered.

         "Why did you leave me? Why would you have to go and break our duo?" I asked her.

         "I didn’t want to leave under your shadow, I wanted to find my self." She said.

         "You would never leave under my shadow, but I want you to leave under my roof, I want you to marry me," I said. "Will you marry me?"

         "Yes Jose I will marry you." She answered.

         All of the sudden Tito came in to the room. He was carrying flowers and a teddy bear.

         "Is that for me?" Susan asked.

         "Yes it is. You should wait and see what is left outside." Tito said.

         "Tito forget about the gifts and congratulate me." I say.

         "Ok congratulations. And may I ask what am I congratulating you for?" Tito asked me.

         "Susan and I are getting marry." I answered.

         "Is that so?" Tito asked. "We should go out and celebrate, sorry Susan you wont be able to come."

         "Is ok." Susan said.

                                                        ******

         Three months after Susan got out of the hospital I decided to go to my home town, and introduce Susan to my mom and Alberto.

         We decided to go there and sped there about one week.  When we got there my mom and Alberto were really happy to see me, Alberto manage to stay in town in become the priest of our town. So mom was never alone. My mom and Alberto were both so happy to see, and were also very happy to meet Susan. They didn’t know here, they only knew what I had told them about her on the letters I wrote.

         "You are so beautiful, just like Jose described you." My mom said, "Come let’s go into the kitchen and make something to eat."

         Susan and my mom went into the kitchen and left Tito, Alberto and I alone in the living room. There we catch up on everything that had happen on the past years. We also talked about life.

         "So Alberto." I said, "What do you think?"

         "What do I think about what." He answered.

         "About Susan." I said.

         "The only thing I can tell you is that she is beautiful." Alberto said, "I bet she will make you happy."

         ‘Jose, Alberto, sorry I’m interrupting your conversation, but Jose you and I have to go back to the city, and see what is up with that new contract I have for you." Tito said.

         "Do you mean? I have a new contract?" I asked.

         "Yes you do, and with a record company." Tito answered, " If you sign you will have your own record and will be even more famous than you are now."

         We went to the city and left Susan there with my mom and Alberto, we were only going to be gone for a couple of days. Tito and I were really exited. This was going to be my very first big contract. When we got there we met with an old guy and we started talking about the contract, Tito and I decided to sign it. I signed it, but Tito just left his thumbprint. When I asked him why wasn’t he signing it he didn’t give an answered.

         “Mr. Tito is it that you don’t know how to write.” That man asked.

         “If I knew how to write I’d be a novelist.” Tito answered.

         After a good laugh we decided to go out for a drink to celebrate, but I couldn’t really celebrate, I could not get Susan out of m head.

         “Mr. Jose, you seem worry. Is something wrong?”  That man asked.

         “He is soon to be wed.” Tito answered, “I think is about to chicken out.”

         “Tito I’m not afraid of marriage.” I answered.

         “You should be. After saying I DO there is no turning back” Tito said.

                   Celebration was over, and I anxious to get back to Susan. I knew she and my mom were getting along. I decided to go back that same night, I just could not stay away from Susan. Tito came along. He said that our new house was way to big for him alone.

         I was so happy I was going back to Susan. The best part was that we were going back a day earlier. When we got there everybody was ready to go to sleep so we didn’t want to just barge in and wake everybody up. We entered the house quietly. I kiss my mom good night and head to my room. There she was. Sleeping. She looked so beautiful.

         In the morning I took Susan for a tour, we started on our farm. The first place I took her was to stables. There we had a beautiful white horse, actually it was Alberto’s horse, he was a great rider besides the fact that he was a priest he always had time to spend some time with his horse. We also had an untamed horse, no one was able to ride it, and whoever tried to the horse will always get him thrown off. That day we were on a tour Alberto was there, he was trying to tame that beast. He got on the horse and began riding the horse, the horse started acting crazy and try to throw my brother.

         “Jose, stop him, he is going to get him self killed.” Susan said.

         “Don’t worry he is the best rider in town.” I answered.

         Alberto in a couple of minutes had that horse tame. Didn’t took him long to do so. He then asked one of the workers to take the horse away and feed him. Susan was relief to see that my brother was ok.

         That night Susan and my mom were together in my mom’s room. My mom was showing Susan her wedding dress, and told her that she could use it.

         “Look Susan, this is my wedding dress, it still is white. You can use it for your wedding.” My mom said, “You are going to be the most beautiful bride this town has ever had.”

         “Thank you Mrs. Perez.” Susan said with a broken voice, “You shouldn’t have”

         “It’s nothing. But why are you crying?” My mom asked

         “These are tears of joy.” Susan answered.

         “Don’t let Jose see you cry.” My mom said, “When a man sees a woman cry they think is because we don’t love them.”

         That night I went outside, just outside my house, where the workers got together to sing, my brother was also there. I began playing my guitar and my brother started singing. We were all having a good time singing. Susan came to the window and watched us sing. It was like a serenade the only problem was that the one singing was my brother.

         The next day I was talking to my brother asking him if we could be the one giving the ceremony the day Susan and I were going to get marry. He said he couldn’t do it, he said he had to go that day out of town, that he needed to go see council, I asked what for, the only thing he said was “ I have sinned my brother.”

         That night I was looking for Tito he had disappear, I couldn’t find him anywhere. Not until I look in the town’s canteen. He was there all drunk, trying to pick a fight with whom ever got in his way.

         “Tito what are you doing here drinking?” I asked, “Come on I’m getting you home.”

         “No leave me here, I can take them all by my self.” Tito said, “ Don’t get involve.”

         I mange to get him out of the canteen and asked the bartender to send me the bill later.

         “What is the matter with you?” I asked, “Do you want to get your self killed.”

         “Yes I do. This world is too cruel. Full of pain and misery.” Tito answered.

         “What are you talking about?” I asked, “If anyone hears talk they would say that you got so drunk because of a woman.”

         “Then I will tell them that they are right.” Tito said.

         “Why didn’t you tell me you were heart broken?” I asked.

         “Because I’m not.” Tito answered.

         “Then. Why are you drinking so much?” I asked.

         “It wasn’t their fault, they love each other.” Tito said.

         “Yeah but who is they?” I asked.

         “I can’t tell you. You are my friend and I don’t want to hurt you.” Tito said.

         “Please Tito what are you saying?” I asked.

          “It wasn’t their fault, they are in love.” Tito said, “Susan she loves him.”

         “What? Why are you mentioning Susan?” I asked.

         “They respect you, and have not done anything to hurt you.” Tito said, “But they, they are in love.”

         “What are you saying? Are you saying that Susan is in love with somebody else?” I asked, “ Is that what you are saying?”

         “Yeas they love each other.” Tito kept saying.

         “Who is that bastard?” I asked with a hard tone, “Tell me his name.’

         “No I can’t. But it wasn’t their fault.” Tito said with his cover in tears and his voice broking down, “They fell in love.”

         “Tell me his name.” I said full of rage grabbing Tito by the neck.

         “ Is Alberto, your brother.” Tito said, “ But they never did anything to disrespect you.”

         I let go of Tito and hurry to my house, my mind was clouded and the only thing I could think of was on killing my own brother, I got a gun and then I head home. Now I understand what his sin had been he had fallen in love with my soon to be wife. He broke the 9^th amendment of the Catholic Church, “You wont desire the woman of someone else.” He went against the law of God.

         When I got to the house he was all ready to go, he was at the stables he was saddling his white horse, he was ready to leave.

         “ALBERTO” I shouted, “Where do you think you are going?”

         “I told you I’m going to meet the council.” Alberto answered.

         “How could you?’ I asked him, “How could you betrayed me like that? Taking the only think I had ever love in this world away from me.”

         “Is not what you tare thinking. We fell in love, but we never did anything to disrespect you.” Alberto said.

         “Get your gun out Alberto I want to duel you.” I said.

         “I don’t have a gun.” Alberto answered, “I’m not going to duel you, you are my older brother and I love you. If you want to kill me go ahead, I’m not going to fight back.”

         “Get your gun I’m telling you.” I said.

         “Don’t worry about. I’m leaving and you would never see me again.” Alberto said.

         I just then put my gun away and let Alberto go. I went inside the house where my mom was sitting by the fire made by stove, waiting for me with a cup of coffee.

         “And Alberto?” My mom asked.

         “He is gone.” I answered.

         “Did you…….?” My mom asked pausing.

         “No I didn’t.” I answered.

         I did not wake Susan up, I just got my clothes and head out of there, I went to get Tito, and we got out of town. Leaving everything that caused me pain behind.

                                                                 ********

         We are now back to we started, with the concert and the full auditorium. And I was singing my last song, song in this country that I love but that also cause me so much pain.

         “Speaking of women and treasons we went on consuming

         the bottles of tequila someone requested me to 

         sing my songs and I sang two against the ladies

          suddenly a horseman approached me

          his hair already painted with some grey

         I beg  you my friend he said to me

         not to speak in my presence of the ladies.

         I said to him that we simply spoke of how badly

         they had paid us that if anyone thought differently it

         would be because they have never been betrayed.

         He said to me. I am one of you that has lived the

         failures of love, women always left me crying and with 

         soul torned to pieces.But I never reproach them my

         wounds one must suffer when he loves.

    and the most beautiful hours  of my life I spend them with a lady”