California

            by Ardith Wood

 

            For my dear Goddaughter, on her birthday.

I remember the day you were born, twenty-six short years ago.  Since then I have watched you grow in size and stature.  You are a beautiful young lady, with many gifts.  The world is your oyster.  I give you this journal with great love and hope that your life will be one of joy and fulfillment.  May you use this journal in any way you see fit, whether it is for personal reflection or for documenting world travels.  Start with what you know, and go from there.

Love, Pops

T. Morely Whitaker

22 June 2005

 

June 22, 2005

Pops gave me this journal, so I’m giving it a shot.  Let’s see... what are you supposed to write in these things?  Your crushes on boys?  How much it sucks that you have to clear the table in order to get your allowance?  I don’t think so.  Pops said to start with what I know.   Today’s my birthday.  I was born in 1979. A Gemini born in the year of the Ram.  Yay me.  June 22 is also the summer solstice – the saddest day of the year.  After the twenty-second, the days only get shorter.  It seems like that unlucky date has set the trend for my life.  It’s as though I always miss the good stuff, coming into the conversation of life just after the punchline.  Everybody else is laughing, while I’m asking “what just happened?”

 

June 23, 2005

Today work was awful!  I am so tired of driving the same route each day, giving the same talk about the same glacier to the tourists from the cruise ships.  I have worked at Mendenhall ever since I graduated, four long years ago! The monotony is killing me!

 

June 24, 2005

I was just looking through my books, and found an old one I have about skiing.  I can’t wait ‘till the season starts.  Looking through the book, I saw some new things I’d like to try – different tricks and techniques. 

            I remember when I was on the ski team in high school – junior and senior year.  That was great good fun.  I wonder where all my medals are?  I should ask Mom if they’re in my old room.  I wish I had started freshman year.  If only I had known about the team then – it would’ve been fun to do it for four years.

 

June 25, 2005

I got Pops hooked on the internet.  I didn’t realize he’d like it that much.  Right after I showed him how it worked, he started “surfing the net.”  That’s such a weird saying.  I don’t know why it exists.  I have never heard anyone say it, and hopefully never will.  Anyways, the first thing he googled was some orchid.  Phragmipedium kovachii, or something like that.  Apparently it’s some exotic thing just discovered in Peru.  It gets huge – like almost 10 inches across.  Pops was rather excited.   He also liked the whole email thing.  He was all “Oh!  Imagine the possibilites!  Instant worldwide communication!”  It made me laugh.  He’s started sending me a quote each day, just an interesting one he knows or finds.  He calls it his “Quote-a-Day.”  The first one was “Only the boring are bored.”

 

June 26, 2005

Nothing good to write about.

 

June 27, 2005

 

 

August 13, 2005

Today a band from California was on the tour.  They’re here for the Alaska Bluegrass Festival.  The four of them actually brought their instruments on the bus.  After the tour ended, they set up at the visitor center – mandolin, guitar, banjo, and fiddle – and started playing.  They got quite a bit of money.  Enough for dinner, at least.   Since theirs was the last tour of the day, I stayed and listened.  Talked with the fiddle player after they finished, too.  Elliot.  He was hilarious.  Seemed quite happy.  All of them did, in fact.

 

August 14, 2005

I’ve been thinking about that band, especially Elliot.  He was quite good looking, but that’s not the only reason why I was thinking of him.  It was the happiness.  No, there was something more than just happiness.  All of them had it.  I don’t know what it is, though.

 

August 20, 2005

I’ve decided to move to California.  I am going to find that something else that makes them so happy.  Joel was disappointed to get my two weeks’ notice.  He said a job as a guide would be open for me, should I want to come back.  Fat chance! California, here I come.

 

September 12, 2005

I, Bethany H. Morgan, am now on my way to find myself.  I’m already in the Lower 48, waiting for my flight to Oakland.  I’ve decided that Berkeley is a good place to start. 

It’s pretty hippie, right?

            Today Pops’ Quote of the Day was “Wandering re-establishes the original harmony which once existed between man and the universe.” –Anatole France.   I wonder if he sends personally tailored quotes to everybody, because they always seem to fit.

 

September 14, 2005

I’m all set up, renting a room.  It’s small, but it works.  The whole situation is kind of romantic – living in (almost) a foreign country, making meals in my kitchenette, exploring the city. 

            I’ve signed up for a yoga class – Monday-Friday, 6-7:30.  On this website I found (yogabasics.com) it said that “Yoga is a collection of spiritual techniques and practices, aimed at integrating mind, body, and spirit and achieving a state of enlightenment (oneness with the universe).”  It sounds like exactly what I need!    My first class is on Monday, so I have four days to find a job so I can pay for it.  I shouldn’t worry about earthly matters, though.  I’m on the path towards enlightenment.  

            Speaking of paths, Pops’ quote today was a long one.  “Say not ‘I have found the path of the soul.’  Say rather ‘I have found the soul walking upon my path.’  For the soul walks along all paths.  The soul walks not upon a line, neither does it grow like a reed.  The soul unfolds itself, like a lotus of countless petals.”  – Kahlil Gibran, The Prophet, 1923.  What is that supposed to mean?  Pops finds the most obscure quotes.

 

September 17, 2005

Found a job – at Starbucks.  I would have liked to get a job somewhere less corporate, like a local place.  They have Starbucks in Alaska.  Oh well.  A job’s a job, and I need the money.  Work starts on Monday.  That’s a big day for me – first step towards enlightenment (yoga class) and stability (monetary, that is – with the job).

 

September 19, 2005

Oh man, I’m tired.  Yoga is harder than the brochures make it look.  It isn’t just sitting in weird positions with incense burning and spiritual music playing.  It’s actually a workout, and there wasn’t any music playing.  Or incense burning.  I was sweating.  After the teacher gave her little talk, we started off with this set called “Sun Salutation.”  When Zo announced it, I got all excited.  It sounded like a tribal ritual or something.  But no.  It’s just this set of positions.  We had to hold them for such a long time.  It started hurting and my legs or whatever would start shaking.  You think you’re done, then you’re not.  It just goes on and on and on...  I wonder when the enlightenment will kick in.  I was about to ask Zo when she first felt that her mind, body, and spirit were truly integrated, but then I felt silly and didn’t.  Instead I asked her what her name means.  Which wasn’t much better, in regards to making me look stupid or not.  She wasn’t fazed at all, though.  Or didn’t appear to be.  She said it’s African, meaning “spiritual leader.”  I guess that fits.  I wonder what my name means. 

            Today was only training at Starbucks – how to make the drinks and all.  Bethany the Barista.  That’s me.  Right up there with Erik the Red and Catherine the Great.

 

September 20, 2005

I just looked up my name online.  It means “house of figs” in Hebrew.  Yippee.  I’m a Jewish fig girl. 

            After class, I went out to breakfast with Paige.  I asked her about enlightenment and her spiritual journey.  She actually said “Oh yeah, I’m totally enlightened – I’ve lost eleven pounds.”  She kinda missed the point.  Actually, that’s an understatement.  She really missed the point. 

 

October 1, 2005

I have decided to make a resolution each month, instead of once a year.  October’s resolution is to do something that is mentally stimulating and productive, so I’ve bought a puzzle.  I got it at Games of Berkeley this afternoon.  I ended up getting a 1000-piece one of Abe Lincoln.  The big picture is made up of a bunch of little pictures.  I chose it because it looked neat, and I figured it would take a long time.  This way, I get more bang for my buck.  The longer it takes, the more entertainment and stimulation I get out of it.

 

October 9, 2005

I had lunch with Norman today.  It’s funny how things work out.  We’ve been on the same shift quite a few times, but never really talked.  I kind of assumed he was boring because of his name.  Norman.  It seems like something you’d name your pet snake, or an old man’s name.  Sure, old guys were young at some point, but not ones named Norman.  Today when we ran into each other, though, we hit it off.  He’s actually a great guy.  Lunch ended up lasting a couple hours.  We talked about everything.  Except this whole enlightenment thing, I now realize.  Hmm.  Maybe I’ll ask him at work sometime.

 

October 16, 2005

I just finished the puzzle.  It was surprisingly fun.  Finishing it gave me a great sense of accomplishment.  Looking at it is weird, though – it makes me think.  The small photos all have something to do with Lincoln – they’re from the Civil War era – but none of them have him actually in them.  All together, though, they make an unmistakable image of Lincoln.  It isn’t any one picture that makes it recognizable, but the sum of the parts.  This reminds me of Norman.  He isn’t enlightened per se, nor does he want to be, but he’s happy in everything he does.

 

November 11, 2005

I got a package from Alaska today.  Nina sent me a mix and a shirt.  In her letter, she said she found the shirt in a vintage store.  I like how when you know someone really well, you can hear their voice as you read something they’ve written.  I can imagine her in the store, excited over finding something great.  I like the idea of secondhand stores – the notion of finding some lost treasure.  But Nina likes the hunt; she always has.  It’s comforting, or soothing, or something like that, to know that Nina hasn’t changed.  Like I can always depend on her.

 

November 20, 2005

What is enlightenment?  Have I given up too much in search of it?  This false ideal?  Actually, I take that back.  What I’m looking for it isn’t false, but I don’t think I’ll find it here.  Not that California isn’t a great place.  But it isn’t my place.  It’s not my home – Alaska is.  It is where I was born, where I grew up, where my life is, where my family is.  And not just my immediate family – my friends, my neighbors.  Alaska is beautiful, wild, untamed. 

            Spirituality doesn’t depend on location.  It’s like Pops’ quote – “Wherever you go, there you are.”  Who I am doesn’t change with what I do or where I am.   Happiness isn’t found outside.  Wandering may establish harmony between man and the universe, but I’m not there yet.  I still need to establish harmony between me and myself.  And for doing that, I want to be where I belong – in Alaska.

 

November 21, 2005

I’m going home.