Robert, Not Rob

            by Gabe Wolf

 

“My name is Robert, I’m the branch manager, how may I help you today?” asked Robert.

“Yeah Rob,” the woman across the empty counter said, annoyed. Robert cringed inside as she called him Rob.  He didn’t dislike the name, it just wasn’t his.  “I’ve been here for over an hour. Nobody has helped me yet!”  The woman was visibly angry, her hair unkempt, reflecting her mood, but Robert was not fazed.

“Ma’am, what is your number?” Robert asked calmly, using a steady and slow tone, pronouncing every syllable with the importance of the previous one. The woman held up her number, which read 76.  Robert glanced at the number display which read 81. “Ma’am, you’ve missed your turn by five.”  At the DMV, whenever an agent was ready, the new number was announced over a speaker system as well as put on a monitor.  “What was the reason for your visit to the Department of Motor Vehicles today?”

 “I need to renew my license,” the woman demanded.

“Well, here is the form you need,” Robert said, handing her a pink and white form.  “Mail it in, and you should receive your new license in six to eight weeks.”

Robert Britton was a hard working, normal man who never broke the rules.  He lived in a normal apartment, in a normal metropolitan city and wore normal clothes.  Robert stood just over six feet tall, and had good posture.  He had hair that fell somewhere between dirty blonde and brown, cut short and not memorable.  In fact, nothing about Robert was very memorable, but he was fine with that.  It was almost enjoyable for him. He woke up every morning at precisely 8:00 am and took a shower, brushed his teeth, got dressed, and started reading the paper while he ate breakfast, in that order.  He would walk out his door no later than 8:32 and get into his normal car.  He drove the same route to work every day.

Robert left work with his black briefcase under his right arm no earlier than 5:00 pm every day, Monday through Friday.  Robert got in his car and started driving the normal way home.  But because it was Friday, Robert went to the super market.  He bought exactly one steak and two potatoes.  He went home and fixed himself his favorite dinner, as he did every Friday.  He was in no particular rush, as he had nowhere to be that night, or that weekend in fact.  He ate by himself, watching the local news.  Robert cleaned his dishes, and readied himself for bed.  He set his alarm for 9 am, turned on his night light and read a book his mother had sent him.

 

Θ

As the branch manager of the DMV, Robert was always the first there and this Monday was no different.  The colder months were coming and Robert counted four Christmas displays in shop windows on the way to work. 

He pulled into his reserved spot, and set his briefcase on the roof of his car as he locked it.  He unlocked the front doors of the DMV, and entered his alarm code.  He walked to his office, and sat down behind the desk. The watch on his wrist read 8:54 am.  There was something about the time before everybody else came in that Robert enjoyed.  Although he did not dislike his work, he thoroughly enjoyed sitting with a clear mind.  He didn’t do anything.  No talking, no thinking really, just sitting and staring.  It was Robert’s time.

“Good morning Robert,” John said.  John was the Assistant manager.  Robert looked up and said good morning, glanced at the clock and walked out onto the floor at exactly 9:00 am.  Today Robert had a meeting with a woman who wanted to have her traffic school accredited.  He readied the necessary paper work fifteen minutes before his meeting, and was patiently waiting when Jan arrived four minutes late.

“It is a pleasure to meet you Jan,” Robert said, shaking Jan’s hand, sitting her down in front of his desk.

“Thank you Robert,” Jan replied.  She appeared to be thrown off by his calm.  Jan wasn’t what Robert was expecting.  She was in her late twenties, with dark brown hair.  She spoke quickly and didn’t annunciate clearly.

“Here are the forms you’re going to need,” Robert said, pointing to the multi-colored forms on his otherwise blank desk, save a computer screen.  Jan began to fill the forms out and Robert sat there patiently.  She looked up at him, and he smiled.  She wasn’t sure if he was going to sit there the whole time, or whether he would look away from her.  Jan could only fill in a couple boxes at a time before she had to look up at Robert to check that he was still looking at her.  Robert was not watching her, or looking at her like Jan thought he was.  He was merely giving her his undivided attention.  He had a meeting with her at 9:30 am and he did not have any other responsibilities during the meeting.

“I will look over your paper work today,” Robert said as he straightened all of Jan’s forms on his desk.  “Let me get out my calendar and we can set up an appointment to go over your materials.”  Robert looked down and to the right of his desk for his briefcase. It wasn’t there. “Excuse me one second,” Robert whispered standing up and looking around his office. “I’ll be right back.”

He walked outside of his office and straight over to John who was busily at work at his desk.  “Have you seen my briefcase John?” Robert asked. 

He walked away too quickly to hear John reply without looking up, “No, I haven’t.  Did you misplace it?” 

“I’m going to have to um…umm call you back about an appointment…Jan was it?”

 “That’s…um that’s fine,” Jan said, confused by Robert’s sudden personality swing.  Robert looked throughout his office, although there wasn’t much to look under or behind as his office was always kept extraordinarily neat and tidy.  Pulling the chair firmly out from under his desk, Robert plopped down onto it in deep thought.  He was moving quickly now, and he wasn’t sure of any of his actions.  He stood up and walked briskly outside.  Brushing past the line that was beginning to form in the front of the branch, Robert walked over to his car.  It wasn’t inside.

“There’s a woman on line three for you,” John said as Robert walked through his office door.  “Are you okay?” John asked seeing Robert’s distress.

“Robert speaking,” Robert mumbled into the phone less enthusiastically than a dental patient awaiting a root canal.  “How may I help you?”

“Yeah Rob,” the caller said loud enough that Robert had to hold the phone away from his ear.  “I’ve got something of yours.  I think you know what I’m talking about- Roberto.”

“My name’s Robert.  And how did you get my briefcase?”  Robert wasn’t angry, but quite annoyed.

“You left it on your car Robbie.”
            “My name is Robert, and why did you take it?” Robert was maintaining a calm tone of voice, even as his affliction was growing.

“It was there so I took it. Look, if you want it back I’ll give it to you.  You just have to do something for me. I know you work at the DMV.”

“What’s your name and how did you get my number?”

“How did your meeting with Jan go this morning?” The caller asked, ignoring Robert’s question.

“Why are you going through my belongings?  There are personal items in there that aren’t yours.”

“I told you I would give you your briefcase back, Bobby.  You seem like you’re a nice guy and I wouldn’t want to do anything to hurt you.”

“Well what do you want with my briefcase then?” Robert was speaking in what could have been described as a whimper.  “Why did you take it?”

“We will just meet up today,” the caller demanded.  “It appears you don’t have anything today at three. How does that sound?”

“How does what sound- look, I don’t know what you want from me.  I just want my briefcase back so I can do my job.”

Θ

Robert peered in the window of the coffee house and glanced at his watch which read 2:57 pm.  Timidly he walked through the door and inspected the room for his briefcase.  Conceding he couldn’t find it, he sat down and waited- he was early after all.

Robert wouldn’t have been able to find the woman with his briefcase, but fortunately, she knew what Robert looked like.

“I saw you this morning at the DM-”

“Yes you did Rob,” the woman said cutting him off. “I needed to renew my license.  You gave me a form to fill out.  I don’t think you understand.”

“Understand what? And can I have my briefcase back now?”

“My name is Kimberly by the way.  You can call me Kim.  And I don’t think you understand my situation about my license,” Kimberly said sternly.

“Kimberly, please give me back my briefcase.  And can you please just call me by my name? Robert?”

“Whoa, there’s no need to be all touchy.  Here’s your briefcase,” Kimberly said passing Robert his briefcase over the small marble topped table.  “There’s nothing interesting in it anyways.”

“It belongs to me, and whether or not it is interesting is up to me. It’s mine,” Robert retorted, clutching his briefcase.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Kimberly said as Robert started standing up.

“I am going back to work.  You may discuss your license there with me.  I only have seven more minutes of my lunch break,” Robert said reading his wrist watch.  The look that Kimberly gave Robert made him reconsider leaving and he sat down.  “As long as it’s quick,” he reasoned, setting down his briefcase next to him.

“I’ll just get right to it.  I had my license taken away and I need a new one.”

“I can just-just give you a new one,” Robert was stumbling over his words.  “Why was it taken away?”

“It was uhhh….it was taken away by the police,” Kimberly mumbled, looking everywhere besides at Robert.  “So when can I, get my new one?”

“When the judge gives it back.  I cannot go against the court,” Dismissed Robert.   He had regained his calm and was now ready to leave.

“Look, if you want everything in your briefcase back,” Kimberly threatened. “You better give me a new license.”

Robert opened his briefcase only to find multiple things missing; his calendar and a couple of brochures were left, but nothing else.

“Hey, I thought you were going to give me my briefcase back with everythi-”

“Look, all you’ve got to do Robert, is give me a new license.  I wasn’t even drunk when they pulled me over,” Kimberly said in a tone more matter of fact than a doctor delivering bad news.

Kimberly seemed like a fairly decent woman, and Robert really needed his things for work.  He considered calling the police briefly, but decided against it as he didn’t want to get Kimberly in more trouble.  He was thinking about whether or not he should give Kimberly a new license; nobody would really find out if he broke the rules, he was the branch manager.

“Alright, I’ll meet you in my office in twenty minutes,” Robert said with a new sense of confidence he had lacked before, looking at his watch, “At quarter after three.”   They both proceeded to leave the coffee house and head to the DMV, Robert in his car with his briefcase, and Kimberly on the bus with some of Robert’s belongings.

“Please don’t let any calls through,” Robert said to John as he stepped inside his office and sat down beside his desk; waiting only moments for Kimberly to follow. 

“You know Kimberly, usually I would never do this.  And for the record, stealing is not a good way to get what you want.  But I can bend the rules just this once.  Please fill out this form and then we will take your picture,” Robert said handing the same form to Kimberly he did earlier that morning.

Robert sat behind his desk, arms folded, as Kimberly filled out the form.  He had struggled with whether or not to give Kimberly her license; not only did she have it taken away and he would be going against the court, but she had stolen from him.  Nobody would really find out Robert reasoned, and he really did need his stuff back.  Kimberly finished the form and handed it to Robert who got up and motioned for Kimberly to follow all the way to the camera station.  She took her picture and walked over to Robert.

“Is that it? Do I have my license back?”

“Yes, you do,” Robert replied.  “Now just wait six to eight weeks and you will receive a hard copy in the mail.  In the meantime here’s a temporary one.” He handed her a slip of paper with her picture on it.

“Well here are your things,” Kimberly said taking a plastic shopping bag out of her purse and setting it on the desk.  Robert quickly opened the bag, shuffling through his belongings.  He found his engraved pen, quickly tucked it in his desk and looked up.

“I’m glad you could help me return everything to normal,” remarked Kimberly.