Karma
by Luke Vavasour
June 16th, 2005.
The fluorescent lights hummed gently in the otherwise silent corridor. TK sat in his room with his hands folded neatly in his lap, back against the wall. His upper lip quivered as an unwelcome thought entered his mind. He was left utterly alone with his demons. He thought about what it would feel like, he wondered if it would be quick. He had heard about these things taking up to 35 minutes to complete. Could you imagine that? 35 minutes. Thoughts raced around his mind bouncing off different surfaces so quickly that no single thought could completely take hold in his mind.
“LIGHTS OUT!” a voice boomed down the corridor. The lights shut off instantly afterward leaving him alone in the dark. TK closed his eyes and pretended he was deep in the caves he had discovered with his brother while camping as a young boy. The thoughts were lost in the dark of this cave, confused and without place to take hold.
“Those are scalagmites. They grow from the ceiling, the cave is alive you know.” His brother’s voice echoed through the cave in his mind. TK grabbed a hold of the stalagmites and felt the cold of them through his body as his fingers wrapped around. The cave vanished as he opened his eyes; revealing cold metal bars where the stalagmites should have been. There was nothing alive about this place. More thoughts bounced around his head. One thought was stronger than the others. It flourished in the back of his mind. As he closed his eyes again he found himself in his old apartment.
~ ~ ~
December 28th, 1989. 4:00 AM.
Again TK sat in the dark; again alone; again with his demons. This time he was sitting on the floor, back against the wall. Click. Click. Click. A spark finally caught the lighter fluid and his lighter burst into flame, briefly illuminating TK’s pained countenance in the dark. His cigarette now lit, the flame disappeared and he was left once again alone in the dark, save the glowing red cherry hovering just outside his mouth. After this cigarette, he thought to himself. I’ll look. I will. I just need to finish this cigarette. He took a deep drag and the paper burned back ever closer to the filter. It’s still not finished. TK lied to himself as he smoked the filter. Your brother never smoked cigarettes. You should have listened to him. He was right about everything. What would Mom and Dad think of me now? TK’s parents had been killed in a car accident on the bay bridge when he was only 13. For years his brother was there for him keeping him out of trouble. When TK was taking punches at school getting jumped into gangs, his brother was giving him punches at home for ditching school. He thought back to one day in particular his brother had caught him skipping school.
“Nothing in this life is free TK. Without Mom and Dad we got nothin’. You think someone’s just gonna hand you a job after high school? You can’t be ditching school TK. I’m gonna beat your ass if I catch you with those kids from the south again. You listenin’ to me?” Of course he was listening. He was pinned to the ground, he had no choice. “What you put out there into that big ol’ world out there is exactly what you gonna get back. It’s called karma.”
“I don’t need a job. I don’t need your karma. I’m making more money now then you will be for years,” he wanted to yell back at him. He knew his brother wouldn’t understand why he made his money the way he did. He stared defiantly back up into his brother’s eyes and said nothing. Two years later he turned 18 and moved out on his own. Without even a high school diploma, TK was working jobs where he could find them and selling drugs on the side. After all, nothing in life is free, he would tell himself. He never listened when his brother told him to stop, and he never thought twice about anybody but himself. TK thought about the man from earlier that night. He wondered if he had an older brother. He wondered if he had living parents who were at home talking to the police right now. After all this time in this life, I’m finally thinking about someone else and I don’t even know his name. All the reminiscing about the past stopped as his head throbbed stronger and stronger and he was reminded of his current situation. Times up. Gotta look.
He was horrified at what he found as he ran his sweaty fingers along his face. His cheek bone was swollen significantly. His head pounded. His fingers were now sticky. It wasn’t sweat. He ran his fingers back to the light-switch, hesitated a moment, and then flipped the switch. The light sputtered twice flashing the room with quick blasts of light. It paused another moment, and then filled the room all at once. His dilated eyes contracted quickly, filling his head with white pain. He closed his eyes. When the pain had diffused a little more, he finally blinked his eyes open. The mirror on his wall had long since broken. He slouched to the floor, back still against the wall and slowly reached for the hand held mirror.
A haggard swollen face looked back at him from the mirror. There was dried blood caked on one side of his face; the other side left unmarked. As he looked down he saw stains on his pants from where he had wiped his hands of blood. Christ… Jesus, I… I hope he’s alive. TK turned off the light and sat once more in the dark.
~ ~ ~
December 27th, 1989. 11:30 PM.
Just hours before he would find himself covered in blood in his apartment, TK sat in a far corner of the smoke filled bar, steadily contributing to the already smothering atmosphere of smoke. He was only on his second beer. The man on the phone had said his name was Nitterz, Lil Raf’s cousin from the mob. TK had never heard of him before but he had been all business on the phone. He decided to meet him in a public place in case anything was to go wrong. Drink number two turned into drink number three, four and five. Where the fuck he at? Wastin’ my goddamn time. He watched as a drop of water condensed along the rim of drink number five. It finally picked up enough mass to break the laws of gravity and it ran down the glass cutting a clear line through the frost. The cup made a hollow thud on the table as he downed the remainder of number five. TK produced a large quantity of small bills clipped securely into an all gold money clip from the depths of his pockets. He threw a few fives on the table, put a fifty dollar bill on the outside of the roll, and then dropped the clip back into his pocket. He turned to leave leaving nothing but the money and a water ring on the table. He was almost glad the man never showed up. As he stumbled out of the bar, he bumped into a man smoking a cigarette outside.
“Oh, what’s up dog? You must be TK. I’m Nitterz mayn. I was just finishin’ this cigarette. Let’s go see what’s good.” The man spoke quickly but clearly. His fingers were trembling.
“Yeah blood, you kept me waitin’ hella long though. It’s in the car.” TK slurred his words. The two men walked in silence around the corner. Nitterz’ hand continued to tremble. This fool is already tweaked out off the coke, TK thought to himself. As Nitterz bent to pick up his cigarette TK could see the bulge of a .38 special in his belt. I guess I’d bring a gun too if I were him; this is a lot of money. TK was not worried about the gun, partly because he too had a gun, and partly because he was drunk. They finally reached the car.
“You know you kinda look like my brother.” TK slurred as Nitterz stepped into the light. A cold chill shot through TK up his spine and he shivered visibly.
“Oh yeah. I look like a lot of people, I get that a lot.” Nitterz’ reply was short but clear. “Les’ see what’s in the trunk mayn.” The lock clicked as the key turned. The trunk popped open and in a small card board box was exactly what Nitterz was looking for. “Oh, yeah. I like what I see. That’s lookin’ real good.” TK tried to get a better look at Nitterz. He looks just like him. Unbelievable. TK could almost hear his brother’s voice echoing through that cave. Thoughts swirled in TK’s mind as Nitterz began to look more and more like his brother. “You all right, dog. You don’t look so hot.” Nitterz inquired. TK noticed Nitterz’ hand jerk behind his back. “Get your hands…” Nitterz started to shout.
Three gunshots tore through the night echoing off the dark lonely alleys. TK turned his head away as he fired. The man fell back into the gutter and rolled over on his back gasping for air. TK slammed the trunk and ran around to the driver’s side of his car. The engine turned over and he sped off leaving an undercover narcotics officer dead in the street.
~ ~ ~
June 16th, 2005.
For years TK had spent his life in a single 15 x 15 cell on death row. There was not a single night that he did not see his brothers face on the policeman’s body, lying there in the street gasping for air in his dreams. However on this night, there would be no dreams. June 17th was the set date for the execution. TK sat gripping the stalagmite metal bars for hours, imagining himself in his cave with his brother. He wanted to tell his brother how sorry he was; he wanted to tell him he was right all along. He wanted to turn back time and live his life like his brother.
When morning finally came, TK was still wide awake. Two guards walked down the corridor. They slowed to a stop outside of TK’s cell.
“It’s time. Let’s go.” The first guard said quietly.
“I’m ready,” came his firm reply. TK walked down the corridor in chains leaving nothing in his cell but the word ‘karma’ carved deeply into the wall.