Berkelee Hi Bumble Bee
Teacher's Guide 101
by Sappho Su
This guidebook is written for and by the students of Berkelee Hi Skool. This guide can be utilized in many ways. You may read it to toddlers no younger than the age of five years of age (studies have shown it is an effective reader for kindergarteners learning to read), use it as a teacher’s guidebook for prospective BHS students (especially those who will be attending the main campus in the fall of 2006), or as a reference book. The bumble bee edition of the teacher guidebook is a thorough and detailed insight on a limited selection of teachers at BHS. Students find this guide a perfect way to achieve high scores on the student-teacher relationship scale.
WARNING: All anecdotes of the teachers listed below are compiled from the experiences of students in the class of 2006. The publication date is set for the summer so that freshmen can read it before school begins, and seniors can walk the stage before the publication debut. Do not write letters back to the publisher, stating how inaccurate the collection is because we don’t care. Names have been changed to protect the privacy of innocent teachers. However, for your assistance, clues are scattered throughout the guide so that the reader may decipher the names of teachers.
A-Gayyre: 35/M/CAS Language:
PROS:
Olivero A-Gayyre is an exceptionally compassionate and nice Communication Arts and Science (CAS) language teacher. He teaches a range of classes and as a result he is surrounded by an odd variety of teens. He’s sleep deprived due to the number of hours he spends in the Bumble Bee’s Jacket room before each publication of the Jacket newspaper, which is an explanation for his raccoon eyes. His continual exhaustion has altered his sense of time. He often works so late that he finds himself in the 1930s, and to play it safe, he dresses appropriately for that era everyday with khaki slacks, dark color jackets, and hair combed to one side in the style of these days.
“Mr. A-Gayyre, you need a vacation,” his students often tell him.
In order to score some extra credit in his newspaper or English class, the class of ‘06 recommends that students bring him a cup of Peet’s coffee or a blueberry Noah’s bagel from the College Avenue store. If you come from the north side, stop by Krispy Kreme. Junk food will do the job as well.
CONS:
Due to the amount of stress he has on hand, students find him staring off into space. Sometimes he relieves his stress by screaming at his pupils. To prevent this from happening, exercise the coffee and breakfast method for any time of the day. Mr. A-Gayyre likes to take long promenades along Stinson beach with his special somebody, and can be found surfing with his partner in the summer. He is officially single. Holler.
OVERALL RATING: ☻☻☻☺☺(3 out of 5 )
Winters: 43/F/ Aerobics & Karate Sensei Master:
PROS:
Students are guaranteed to have a wonderful and diverse experience if they take any of her classes. A two-in-one deal. Students will be able to test their agility, as well as learn a third or forth language. There is no need to fear teacher molestation or pedophilia because this teacher is married and has a family of her own. Her daughter will be a freshman at BHS this coming fall. Get yourself ready for some kung-fu.
CONS:
A Bumble Bee alumnae herself, Ms. Winters, Fall, Spring…whatever, screams at her students all day long in exotic languages that she invents which sounds something like, “Ichiiii, Niiii, Saaan, Shiiii, Gooo,” and so on. Many students refuse to take her class, so I personally went down to her classroom to check out the “Drama Queen,” as the students describe her. Before entering the gym, I hear, “BAM…OUCH…AHHH,” the sound of students being kicked and thrown against the walls of the wrestling room. Although it hasn’t been verified if these sounds are part of the curriculum or simply an act of violence, it is recommended that parents buy pads for the children along with the gym shorts.
OVERALL RATING: ☻☻☺☺☺
Da-Bye: 48/M/English:
See for yourself at www.bhsenglish.com
PG&E: 54/M/Economics
PROS:
Mr. PG&E is a very unique man. Part human, part monk. Graduate of the University of Redlands a few decades ago, no words can explain this tree hugger, who is a product of Mother Nature. Observation is key to your decisions made about this man.
“You have two choices in life…you can either go to school and become someone, or become a monk or a nun, and won’t have to worry about the economic impact of the world,” says Mr. PG&E. Common quotes that will make you laugh, or highly offend you:
-“You guys are stupid…you guys aren’t prepared for college…” says Mr. PG&E.
-“What school are you going to next year?” asks Mr. PG&E.
“UCLA,” replies a student.
“What? You got into UCLA?” responds Mr. PG&E.
-“The reason students get A’s at Harvard and Yale is because the professors are too lazy to grade papers…so what was I saying before about economics? Oh yeah the demand curve…” says Mr. PG&E.
There are two ways to succeed in his class. One is to pay attention, and learn all his life-long stories, or you can take the second approach by snoozing through, and reading the Economics book on your own at home.
CONS:
If you feel that it is important to suffer through the useless criticism of this man, then by all means do. However, his class is required for incoming students of Academic Choice because no educational material will be learned throughout the year. Mr. PG&E is hard to keep up with. He’s married, but might as well be single. He shifts between his three homes in Carmel, Berkeley, and Oklahoma City. Although he is not a sedentary human being, you can always catch his attention if you speak of the Buddha.
OVERALL RATING: ☻☻☻☺☺
Coll-I-Eye: 71/M/Government:
PROS:
Adorable little 5’4” senior citizen who wears a golf cap throughout the four seasons, thick glasses, and fancy shirts to class. He tries to befriend his students, and shakes their hands on the way out of the classroom. He establishes this so-called “student-teacher” relationship that most teachers refuse to consider. Mr. Coll-I-Eye helps students of all color succeed, even white, by giving them useful life-long advices, and allowing them to use his microwave or refrigerator. How nice is that?
CONS:
Students take this senile man for granted. They rob him of his goodies, and never listen to his lectures. He is the Yoda of BHS. He has a lazy eye problem, where one eye drifts off when the other one is looking at something else. Although Mr. Coll-e-aye explains it as a medical disability, it enables him to keep at least one eye on the class at all times. Do not try to cheat in his class, because the eye will catch you, and you will be punished. Mr. Coll-e-aye has no dating profile. He has been married for more than half of his life, and has a tree full of descendents.
OVERALL RATING: ☻☻☻☻☻
GimmeScotch: 39/M/Chemistry:
PROS…or shall I say CONS #1:
Mr. GimmeScotch is pink in the face 365 days a year. How does he sustain it? We don’t know. All we know is that GimmeScotch has Scotch-Irish blood running through his veins, which explains his constantly abnormal color orientation, along with the kilt he wears in the winter. Although he is a superb teacher, who offers extra tutorials at La Vals before humongous tests, and passes the majority of the kids who perform better on the unsatisfactory scale, he is still a hard grader, not that he actually grades anything. He pays a grad student named Gordon to do it for him. Take my word, my child prodigies, do not take AP Chemistry, it will destroy your cute sophomoric sophomore lives.
CONS#2…this could be a PRO:
As much as those little girls or even boys want to check out Mr. GimmeScotch in his short mini-kilt, he is taken. He’s married and has two adorable little girls, but he likes students to drop by his house on Hopkins Avenue once in a while, on “homework deliveries.” Great man, bad class.
OVERALL RATING: ☻☻☺☺☺
Krayzey: 46/F/Photography:
PROS:
What can I say? Ms. Krayzey is crazy. She’s “nice,” and keeps spelling what she is… that is, a “witch.” Please continue on to read the CON.
CONS:
Ms. Krayzey has crazy ways of spelling words in the English language. As much as I respect her as a teacher, and love human beings, her actions only make me think that she is abnormal. During the fourth quarter of my junior year, the class learned the sandwich technique where students attach two film negatives together to create a completely new image. While explaining the technique to the class, Ms. Krayzey would not stop spelling the technique as s-a-n-d-W-I-T-C-H, despite many corrections by the class. We figured it was in her blood. After getting back my last assignment of the year, which was to create mirages and dream-like photographs, Ms. Krayzey gave me a daunting D-, with the comment, “You have suffered from senioritis.” After confirming with her that I was in fact a junior, she immediately raised my D- to a B+. How weird is that? Ms. Krayzey has a daughter, and her marital status is unknown, but it is recommended that people should not holler. In fact, keep out of her classes.
OVERALL RATING:☻☺☺☺☺
DEPARTED TEACHERS…..FAREWELL FROM THE HONEYCOMB:
Aloha Wilson a.k.a Ms. Hawai’i: 62/F/Freshman Seminar:
PROS: Ms. Hawai’i was crowned Miss Hawai’i in 1972. Mothers and fathers of current BHS students said she was gorgeous, beautiful, and hot.
CONS: Like everything that is biological, throughout time, Ms. Hawai’i aged, and turned into the Pillsbury dough girl. As much as her appearance has changed, her students still adore her for who she is, and those who dare to mock her appearance are immediately exiled to OCI.
OVERALL RATING: ☻☻☻☺☺
Delpmysta: 33/M/Biology:
PROS: Nice man, who helps students in need with their homework and tests. He is compassionate and has a cute little daughter. Bring him breakfast and coffee because his daughter keeps him awake most of the night, and his wife kicks him if he snores. Poor man.
CONS: Parents, beware of this man. He has gotten the “most likely to date a student award” many times already in the yearbook polls, however he is no longer in the area (he resides in Chicago). Make sure not to let students make eye contact if you see him on the street.
OVERALL RATING:☻☻☻☻☺
HoriKrazee: 74/F/World History:
PROS: Nice and caring, warm hearted old lady, who goes for manicures and to her hairstylist every other day. She likes Asian students of all colors and sizes. You just have to be Asian to do well in her class. She can smell the Asian in a student, even if you are quappa.
CONS: Many times during her rare lectures, she blurts out Japanese phrases. Keep in mind this is an American raised Caucasian woman that has blond hair and green eyes. She repeatedly tells stories of her grandson Max, who is a heavy baby, and the night of open house when a parent asked her if she had seen a short Japanese lady by the name of Ms. HoriKrazee, at about four feet high…Ms. HoriKrazee just told the parent to go the in opposite direction. Never give her your number. Ms. HoriKrazee will call in the middle of the night and wish you good luck on your game or tournament the next day.
OVERALL RATING:☻☻☻☺☺
Thank you for reading the Berkelee Hi Bumble Bee production. We hope that our anecdotes have help influence your teacher and class selections. For those who will be attending the school in the fall, we recommend that you memorize these anecdotes, so that you’ll be able to defend yourself if you were ever to encounter one of these teachers. This guidebook comes in various sizes. I recommend that private schooled children keep a mini-guidebook in their left back pocket for reference. I would like to thank the class of 2006 for all the great ideas. Peace.