Picking Up the Pieces

            by Amelia Starr

 

Julia stood at the sink, absentmindedly wiping crumbs off her plate. She began to wash it without looking, making concentric circles with the sponge as if she was trying to scrub a hole through the plate. The air was just beginning to warm; the trees outside her third story window had barely begun to grow leaves. Early spring had always been Simon’s favorite season, Julia thought as she scrubbed.  Gripping the edge of the sink with white knuckled hands, she forced herself to think of other things.

The first potential roommate was due to arrive in fifteen minutes, so Julia rushed to straighten up her living room and get dressed. She pulled on a maroon sweater that she had knitted for Simon’s birthday a year ago. She grabbed a pair of black yoga pants off a chair in the corner and put them on, looking in the mirror. Six months ago, she could have been described as plump, maybe even chubby. Ever since that September morning, however, she had had no appetite and her 5’9” frame looked almost emaciated. Her thick, sable hair hung past her shoulders and was badly in need of a trim. She would have been pretty if it weren’t for the dark circles under her large sapphire eyes and the frown that perpetually hung on her thin, chapped lips.  The doorbell rang, startling Julia. She ran to the door and opened it to reveal a young woman with shocking pink hair.

“Julia Bennett?” the woman asked, snapping her gum.

“Yes, come in,” Julia replied, eyeing the woman suspiciously.

“I’m Silver,” the woman said as she sat down opposite Julia in the living room. “I work part time at the health food store down the street, and I’m in a band,” she said proudly. She pointed to her shirt which had “Atomic Death Kitten” scrawled across the front in green sharpie.

“Ahem,” Julia cleared her throat, eager to start the interview. “Do you have any pets?”

“Oh yeah,” replied Silver. “Monty and Whitney, they’re South African Pythons.”

“Oh,” was all Julia could reply. She looked over at Nelson, her grey and white cat, he eyed her cooly and then turned away. Julia took it as a sign.  “Well, thanks for coming by,” she added hastily as she stood up. Silver looked surprised at the sudden end of the interview, but allowed herself to be steered toward the door. Once Silver had gone, Julia sank down on the hard wood floor and put her head in her hands. This was going to be much harder than she had anticipated.

“Ello, I’m Rodney,” said the next candidate. He had a thick British accent and bad teeth to match. Simon’s teeth had been so straight thought Julia with anguish.

“What do you do?” she asked, fighting back tears.

“I’m in construction,” replied Rodney. “Mostly pouring cement and doing heavy lifting,” he added, giving her long legs, clad in dark grey leggings, an appreciative glance. He winked at her and continued, “Ah came from Bristol last year…” Julia stopped listening as she remembered the trip to Europe she and Simon had been planning to take.

“And then we’ll go to Westminster Abbey and go on a double decker bus and there is this great Indian restaurant you just have to try!” Simon exclaimed joyfully as they sat over the remnants of the soufflé Julia had made for dinner. Standing up, he grabbed Julia’s hand and twirled her around the room, still listing all the things they just had to do while in London.  Laughing, Julia waltzed over to the table and started to clear the dishes.  Simon grabbed her around the waist and said cheerfully, “You cooked, I’ll clean up.”

“…And then me mate said ‘get yer own bloody place’ so ‘ere I am,” Rodney finished loudly, startling Julia out of her reminiscence.  Bringing a thin white hand up to her face, she brushed away the tear that had just started to fall. Julia tried to recall what Rodney had been talking about, but all she could think of was Simon. Fifteen minutes later, having assured Rodney that she would call him within a week, Julia closed the door firmly, fed Nelson and crawled into bed. She dozed in a haze of sorrow for the rest of the afternoon, only waking up when she heard a banging on the door.

“Julia? I know you’re in there!”

Julia groaned and got out of bed. She scraped her hair into a ponytail and stepped into her slippers. “I’m coming,” she called. She opened the door to reveal her landlord, Margot.

“Hi,” said Margot dourly. “I called you twice yesterday.”

“Oh, yeah. Sorry,” mumbled Julia. “Yesterday wasn’t a good day.”

“Julia, look, I understand that you are going through a lot. But you have to pull yourself together,” responded Margot. “I’ve given you four months. I’ve been more than generous to you. But this can’t continue.”

“Margot. Listen, I know. But it’s just that this was his favorite season, he loved the trees and the park. He always went jogging in the park when it was warm.” Julia broke off as a sob caught in her throat.

“You are two weeks late with your rent,” snapped Margot. “I have been lenient thus far, but I am putting my foot down.”

“I am already interviewing people for a new roommate, I understand and appreciate your kindness, but I just need time, Margot, “ Julia begged.

“I’ll give you two more weeks, but that’s it. if you haven’t come up with the rent by then, I want you out,” Margot snapped.

            One morning in late August, Simon woke up later than usual. He was tired, ‘probably just from work’ he told Julia. A few days later they went to the doctor. He sent them to another doctor who sent them to another doctor, who sent them to an oncologist.

“Julia, please come with me,” the oncologist said kindly. Julia scrambled up from her seat in the waiting room and followed him back down the hall and into Simon’s room. She sat on the edge of his bed and looked expectantly up at the doctor. “It’s just a cold, right? Maybe pneumonia?I know you are a cancer doctor, but he doesn’t have cancer. He has a cold. Or the flu. Or something. But he’ll be healthy by Christmas, right? That’s when the wedding is,” she said in a rush.

“Julia, relax,” said Simon softly. “I’ll be fine.”

“I’m afraid I have bad news, ”the oncologist said, pulling up a chair close to the bed. “You have stage four pancreatic cancer, which has also metastasized to your liver and lymph nodes,” he continued. “At this point, surgery is no longer an option, however, with radiation you could live longer.” Looking at the doctor, Julia had to fight the urge to laugh. He was kidding, Simon didn’t have cancer. Simon never gets sick, she thought, he doesn’t smoke; he goes running three times a week; he is only 32.

“How long do I have?” Simon croaked, determinedly not looking at Julia.

“Without radiation, four to six weeks. With radiation, up to three months, but at this point, I wouldn’t recommend it,” the doctor answered slowly, also not looking at Julia.  A buzzing noise filled her ears; she couldn’t hear anything but “four to six weeks.” This wasn’t happening, it couldn’t be happening. They were getting married. She already had a dress.  The doctor was saying something about quality of life and pain medication; Julia forced herself to listen. Looking down at her engagement ring, she was surprised to see that she was gripping Simon’s hand. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Things like this didn’t happen to people like her.

The third potential roommate was late. Twenty minutes after she was supposed to arrive, Julia buzzed her up to her apartment.

“Hi! I’m Bethany!” she said breathlessly. She plopped herself down in a chair and clasped her hands in her lap. She had blonde hair pulled up into a high ponytail and was wearing pink spandex capri pants and a tight white T-shirt that showed off several inches of toned, tanned midriff. “I was so excited to see that you have a room available. I love this neighborhood! Have you been to the donut shop around the corner? My favorite is the chocolate with sprinkles!”

“So, umm, what do you do for a living?” Julia asked, taken aback by Bethany’s enthusiasm.

“I’m a personal trainer! That’s why I can eat donuts, because I work out for a living! You look great by the way. What gym do you go to?”

“Mmmm,” responded Julia, who decided not to mention that she hadn’t set foot in a gym in ten years.

“What’s your sign?” Bethany asked excitedly.

“Uh…Leo.”

“Oh wow! I’m a Scorpio! That’s so cool! My Cosmo bedside astrologer said that I would meet a Leo and make a lifelong friend!”

“Wow,” Julia said, nonplussed.

They all told her how sorry they were, he had been such a wonderful friend, such a good neighbor. They brought food, pies and quiches. None of them understood. They didn’t get it. He couldn’t be summed up in the movie played continuously at the reception. Pictures of them smiling, pictures of him as a child. She was going to be alone again. Her whole life had been spent alone in that big cold house with only her father to keep her company. He was gone too, not that she had really noticed. He had always been more interested in his job than his only child. Then came Simon. He had been doing consulting work for Julia’s company. He had noticed her. No one had ever noticed her before. No one had ever looked at her the way Simon had.

“I’d like to take you out to dinner,” he had said simply. Julia accepted with hesitation. She hadn’t been on a date since college. He took her out for Thai food and they moved in together 6 months later. She thought of her life in three distinct parts: before Simon, with Simon, and after Simon. Those three years had been the best of her life; at times she still couldn’t believe how lucky she had been. Simon was tall, a little on the skinny side, but muscular. His reddish brown curls hung in his green eyes and he smiled all the time. She had never met anyone more well suited to her- they both loved cooking and eating, despised Russel Crowe movies and got sea sick on boats.  They spent months looking for an apartment before they found the right one. It was on a quiet street in Brooklyn Heights. The moment Julia stepped inside she knew it was the right place for them. She could imagine hosting dinner parties in the large dining room, playing with their future children on the patio. The rent was more than they had planned on, but Simon wanted Julia to be happy and Julia wanted to live in the apartment. He had proposed the night they moved in.

Julia was about to call Bethany for a follow up interview, although she was far from what she had had in mind when Julia pictured the ideal roommate, Margot had only given her two weeks. As she was picking up her phone, it rang.

“Hello? Is this Julia Bennett?”  a woman asked softly.

“Yes, this is Julia,” replied Julia.

“My name is Caroline, I saw your ad. I’m sorry, I should have called you sooner, I’m sure your room is rented by now.”

“Wait, no, it’s not,” said Julia in a rush, forgetting all about Bethany. There was something in Caroline’s voice that calmed Julia, she had a good feeling about her. “Can you come by sometime?” Julia asked. “I’m available all day tomorrow.”

“I get off work at 2:30,” Caroline answered. “Would it be all right if I came by around 3:00?”

The next day, Julia got up, made toast and tea, fed Nelson and got back into bed. At noon, she decided to take a walk. Halfway down the stairs, she changed her mind. She went back up to her apartment and rummaged around in the back of her closet until she found running shoes. She changed into shorts and a tank top and headed back outside. There was a park a few blocks away from her apartment. She began jogging heading towards it.

Her lungs were burning, there was a searing pain in her calf and she was sure she looked like hell, Julia was surprised to find that she didn’t care. Running around the lake at the park, she had looked at the happy couples picnicking on the grass, young mothers paying with their children on the play structure. For the first time in four months, Julia felt okay.

 

“Briiiiiiiing,” the doorbell rang.

“Shit,” Julia muttered to herself. She had come back from her run and taken a hot shower. Now, she was running around looking frantically for a shirt that wasn’t dirty, and socks that matched. “Just a second!” she called, buttoning up one of Simon’s dress shirts. She opened the door to reveal Caroline. She had shoulder length blonde hair, big brown eyes and a crescent shaped scar above her right eye.

“Hello,” she said softly, holding out her hand. Julia shook it and invited her in.

“So, what do you do?” asked Julia.

“I was a teacher, but not anymore. I work at a book shop now,” Caroline answered tentatively.

“What happened?” Julia questioned.

“I…I just, it didn’t work out.”

“How long have you lived in New York?”

“I just came out from San Francisco. I had to get away from them.”

“From who?” Julia prompted.

“My parents,” Caroline sighed and continued. “I guess I should just explain. A year and a half ago, my sister Allison and I went down to Santa Barbara for a vacation. There was a lot of traffic and­­…and we got in an accident. It was bad. Allison was thrown from the car, she had a head injury. And I had a broken arm and a cut.” She pointed to her forehead. “When we got to the hospital, they said she was brain dead.  I had a broken arm and my big sister was brain dead.”

“Oh, I am so sorry,” Julia whispered, reaching out to pat Caroline’s hand.

“Thanks,” said Caroline, meeting Julia’s eyes for the first time. “Allison always wanted to live in New York, she wanted to be on Broadway…anyways, I couldn’t stay there anymore. Everything reminded me of her. Some days I couldn’t get out of bed. One morning I woke up and realized that I was going to be miserable everyday for the rest of my life unless I got out. So I came here. I think Allison would have wanted it. Oh, and I’m a non-smoker, I have pet goldfish, and I like to cook,” Caroline finished. Just then the phone rang.

“Hello,” Julia answered. “Oh, Hi Margot, yes, I know I only have a week left. No. No. Its ok. I have a new roommate,” she said, smiling at Caroline.

Julia stood at the sink, absentmindedly wiping crumbs off her plate. She began to wash it, looking out the window. The trees were full of leaves now. The air was balmy. She quickly washed the plate and put in into a box on the floor.

“This is the last one ma’am?” a mover asked.

“Yes.” Julia replied, looking around at her empty apartment. She watched the mover pick up the box and carry it out the door. Caroline was moving in that afternoon. Julia was going to California. Turning back to the window over the sink she watched him come out the front door of the building and load the box into a moving truck. She smiled.