You Gotta Fight For

Your Right To Party

            by Greg Specht

 

“So the other night I was writing in my diary,” said Matt as he sipped his pink frappuccino.         I started coughing

“Wait, you have a diary?”

“Well, it’s more of a online blog thing that I write my deepest and darkest emotions in,” he said though a month full of pink drink.

“Why would you do that? I mean, really, do you want people to read what you think about everyone?” I said in reply

“… Uh, I have no idea.”

“Dude a Diary is the most unmasculine object a guy could have, side from tampons and that pink Frappuccino drink from Starbucks. Looks like you have two out of three.” 

            “You know what, you are such a shit sometimes.” Matt scowled “So any ways, I was writing in my diary and this chick commented on one of my entries. She was like ‘Oh you are so sensitive, we should meet up.’ So like I was like forsure and so we are meeting up later.”

“That sounds cool, did you get a picture of her before you said that you’re going to meet up with her.”

“Of course you think I’m some kinda idiot?” He holds up a picture. “Dude she is hot.” I took the picture from his hand and looked at the person. She was really hot. But she was defiantly like twenty-something.

“Dude she is kinda really old. I mean you are like sixteen and she has to be almost thirty.” I said.

“Dude, you are just jealous.”

            It was about twelve that night when I got a phone call. “Dude, she is about to take me on a flight to Boston… ha ha get it? Anyways, there is a killer party that we are at. You should come.”

“I donno. I was really tantalized by the whole boxer of briefs debate on cSPAN.”

“ DUDE, if you come its like guaranteed bossing up.”

“But I don’t know whether or not to wear boxers or briefs.”

“You should come its guaranteed…”

“Fine, let me get dressed… should I go with boxers or briefs?”

“DUDE, I just got a great idea how about neither, then its like a express flight to boss-town.” He hangs up. I was really interested in finding out what women preferred and why. I got dressed; I wore briefs and walked out to my car. It was a nineteen-eighty-three ford Escolond. This was such a crappy car that when the car hit the lots only four were sold worldwide. I open the rusted door. The car won’t start again. I open the hood and take out the only tool that a real man needs to fix a car: a hammer. I raise it up to give the car a little whats whats. Right as the hammer gets over my head the car starts up and starts purring like the day it came off the assembly line. It backfired

“Yeah that’s right you mark ass trick.” I said towards my coward of a vehicle.

 “THERE YOU ARE, HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU?” Matt called from the crowd.

“I’m chill I guess…” I said,  “I think I need a drink.” I walked around the drunken people making out and grinding on the couch and pushed open the door to the kitchen. A thick cloud of smoke wafted by us in thick slow moving curls.

 “Dude, want to hit up this fat session before we get some drinks?” Matt asked. I could already see that he craved some weed. I nodded and we walked in. There were people sitting on the marble counters and some people on the floor. A couple of people were kneeling at the foot of the counters and licking the marble.

“I can taste the earth in this thing.” One of the lickers said, I walked past them and in to the think fog that filled the room. Out of the smoke arose what I could only guess is the dinning room table, but someone had decided to place a huge leather couch on it. The table itself was set for dinner as though the partygoers had busted in on the family dinner. Seated on the couch sat a tall lanky guy. He was about six foot four and he had long dreads that reached down to his chin. All around him were monstrous bags of pot and other illegal substances.

“A bla you want some thizz?” he asked as he slowly rubbed his chest.

“I think we just want some pot.” Matt said in a quivering voice. Like all normal kids Matt and I fear buying drugs in the open or basically anywhere. That and the large amount of smoke that we had inhaled in the time we had been in the room was starting to take its effect.

“K, dis shit is a dime fo twenty.” He said smiling “Dis shit is hella chronic.” Matt quickly paid and he rushed out of the room. The laughter of the dealer and his friends followed us out. We walked over to the keg. A table had been set up in front of it a sign was posted out front saying “five for cups.” The guy I presume was the cashier was lying on the ground. We stepped over him grabbed a couple of cups and started filling them up.

“That’s going ta be… threve dollars guys, anddontmakemekickyourass.” The cashier called up from the ground. We both laughed at him and walked away. A group of guys came rushing past us holding over their head a very sacred and very drunk girl. They ran over to the basketball court and proceeded to attempt to make a “J” throwing the drunken girl at the basketball hoop. She flew though the air in laughing fits. She realized that she was going to fall short and grabbed on to the rim. The hoop began to lean forward and then came crashing down on the group of people around the hoop. Matt and I walked back into the house.

Matt’s phone rang, he answered, it was the girl. He hung up and turned to me “DUDE she is here she just pulled up.” He and I walk to the door and open it. A huge woman (I think) stands before us. She was seven feet tall, two hundred plus pounds and had the face of a certain clown that was on my reading and writing the short story packet. I shook with fear as she pushed past me towards Matt, who had pissed in his pants.

“I like them young and scared.” She cooed in a low gravely bass voice. Matt turned to run. One of her muscle bound arms latched on to Matt’s shoulder. He tried to slip her iron grip but her grip tightened, the veins on her arm began to bulge. I then realized she seemed to be the kind of woman who wouldn’t be satisfied with one man. I turned to run when I felt an iron grip on my shoulder. “Where do you think you're going skinny?” I tried to slip out of her vise like grip but she only tightened her grip. “Did I ever tell you that I know the Vulcan neck pinch?” She squeezed down on my shoulder and I fell straight to the floor and sank into a deep sleep. I woke up a little later then Matt fortunately. She had moved us up in to one of the house's bedrooms and had put us up against a wall. Matt was trying to fight her off him but she was slowly over powering him. He was on his back His favorite shirt was ripped in half and the woman was driving his hands into the mattress of the bed they were lying on. “I always liked to work with my mouth any ways.” She smiled. Matt squealed like a four-year-old girl as she began to lick his chest. I got to my feet without her noticing. I needed to figure out some way to get her off Matt. I looked around the room; there was a chair, a mirror, a blow dryer, and a decorative sword. I first went for the chair. It was a folding chair like one those really uncomfortable ones that you have to sit in for hours while the chairs hard unforgiving wood surface numbs your butt into submission. I grabbed the chair and turned to see her leaping towards me I thought quickly and jumped to the side. She flew past me and crashed though the wall and into the next room. I turned to Matt who was curled up in a fetal position and was sobbing.

“COME ON DUDE THIS IS OUR CHANCE!” I through the chair though the whale sized hole in the wall and Matt and I ran out the door. We sprinted down the old unpainted stairs. When we reached the bottom of the stairs. I looked over my shoulder she was running down the stairs after us. She tripped and started tumbling down the stairs. Her tumbling body started to gain on us as we ran out the door. I slammed the door. A loud slapping thud came from the other side of the door, as the door cracked but held.

“Woah dude, looks like you guys had one hell of a night.” Said a blood shot, dead locked, pancho wearing kid. We stumbled away from the party out towards my car.

“Um did you like really think that you were going to get away that easily?” We both slowly turned around to see Emma and Victoria. Both were reasonably attractive and seeing as the resent company that we had been entertaining they looked like playboy bunnies. To push the issue they both were holding a sixer of Caronia and a lime apiece. “I think we like both need a ride home.” I turned to Matt who just smiled to me.

“Something could be arranged ladies.” I replied. We turned and walked to my car, which barley started. We sat in my car enjoying the last bit of the night, when a folding chair came crashing down on my side view mirror.

“You didn’t think a little door would stop Bertha did you?” I hit the gas and peeled out as she jumped on the back of the car. She started climbing up the back towards the cab. I drifted though a counter to try and though her off but she was still on the trunk. It was then that I realized what I had to do. I reached down and popped the trunk, it shoots her flipping straight up into the air. She crashed down on the pavement behind us as we sped away.

            “What was her deal?” Emma asked

            “I have no idea.” I responded. “It’s a longs story.”

            “Whatever lets just got to my house, my folks are away for the weekend,” Said Emma. “and I don’t like to drink with just Victoria here.”

            “Sounds like a party.” I said.