Gadna

            by Ruby Shapiro

 

As my best friends and I walked though the Israeli desert I thought to myself what the hell am I doing here! Why did I make the stupid decision to have a three-day army experience over staying in hotels and playing with Ethiopian children?

 Gadna was the “three day adventure” I chose during my trip to Israel.  It was a small example of what it is really like to be a part of the Israeli defense force, which is what all eighteen-year-old Israelis have to enroll in.  It was advertised as the “Best three days of your life! Something you will never forget!”  So of course, I took this opportunity.  I was nervous, but ready to learn how to shoot an M-16, sleep on cots, and follow directions.  When we drove through the desert, I saw nothing but sand.  We could see for miles.  And when we finally arrived, there was nothing around us but a road and a huge army base.  Gadna, I thought to myself.  Here it is, a fenced in bare piece of land, filled with tents, metal beds, and classrooms.  There were hundreds of men and women walking around in the “sacred” green uniform that I would soon get to wear.  When our bus stopped, we all hesitantly got off to be greeted in a language I did not understand: Hebrew.   

“Ak-Shev-Am-Fa-Kedet, Ak-Shev-Am-Fa-Kedet, Ak-Shev-Am-Fa-Kedet!” a tall man screamed at us.  

One of our fellow trip mates translated for us.  “Guys, now it’s our turn.  If you ever want to speak to these officers, you must say Ak-Shev-Am-Fa-Kedet.  This is our chance to learn it, so we are all going to repeat what the Am-Fa-Kedet’s just said.  Ready?”

I turned to Allie, one of my good friends. “Hey, Allie, do you have any idea what we are supposed to do? What are they saying to us? Who are these people?”

“I have no idea, but we have to be quiet.  So don’t move out of your line because they’ll yell at us again.”

All at once we screamed, “Ak- Ked-Skeded!”

“LO! LO! LO! LO! LO!” which meant no no no no no in Hebrew.  The most demanding and confusing three days of my trip to Israel had begun, and I wasn’t prepared for any of it.

 

Two days into Gadna I was with my Am-Fa-Kedet, the leader of the small troops that we had been split into.  We were cleaning the base because the Semelet, a high-ranking officer, was coming to check up on us the next day.  We stood, one behind the other, picking up trash along the barbed wire rim of the base.  We were climbing in and out of the fence, laying down our whole bodies on the dusty ground.   

“Shav-Ked-Amfdet, I am stuck!” Rachel yelled.  Our Am-Fa-Kedet turned around even though Rachel had said her name wrong.  She stared at Rachel, saw that her pants were caught in the barbed wire, said nothing, and then turned back around.

“Rachel,” I whispered, “let me help you!” As I untangled Rachel’s pants our Am-Fa-Kedet kept walking, so we were behind the group and had a chance to talk.

“Let me go first. Shav-Ked-Amfdet.”

“No, Rach, that’s not it,” I looked at my hand for help where I had written Ak-Shev-Am-Fa-Kedet so I wouldn’t mess up.  I read it slowly to her, “Akk-Shev-Am-FFa-Keedet.”

“Yeah, yeah, that’s totally it Rube, you got it. I just need to start to practice it more.”

“Yeah, good plan.  Do you want me to write it on your hand?”

“Good call, then we’ll go see if we’re right!”  After I wrote Ak-Shev-Am-Fa-Kedet on Rachel’s hand, we ran back into our line, dust flying everywhere.  The feeling of dust in my eyes made me nervous.  Before I arrived at Gadna I had had to decide whether it was a good idea to put myself in an area where I am allergic to everything that surrounds me: dirt and dust.  I stuck my hand into my right pant’s pocket searching for my Sudafed and my inhaler.  They were nowhere to be found.

“Rachel! I need my medicine, and I can’t find it! AK-Sssha-Vett-Akkseh!” Our Am-Fa-Kedet turned around.

“Lo.”

“No, really, I need to go get my Sudafed. You see, I’m allergic to dust and I don’t feel very good, I have to go find my counselor!” For the first time my Am-Fa-Kedet spoke to me in English.  “I don’t know where they are, so you have to wait because you can’t go alone.” I turned to Rachel

“What the fuck is she thinking? She’s hella rude!” 

“I know! Sorry Rube, are you gonna be okay for like an hour?”

“I mean, I have to be!”

            Day became night, and we were still walking around the base, slipping under barbed wire, just to get that one piece of trash so the Semelet would be impressed.   When it finally grew too dark for us to clean anymore, we joined the base in the flag ceremony.  All the groups formed their own lines.  But I could not stand in mine; I needed my medicine and I couldn’t find anyone to help me.  I slowly made my way over to the cafeteria wall and sat down. 

“Are you okay?” some other Am-Fa-Kedet asked me.  I could not respond.  My need for Sudafed now turned into my need for my inhaler.  Breathing became very hard and being surrounded by dirt was not helping.  Deep breaths were not an option at this moment; I had to take small inhales and exhales just to get a little bit of air into my lungs.  It was as if my lungs were filled with all the dirt that surrounded me. I was having an asthma attack, but I had no inhaler and I did not know where mine was.

“What is your name? I need to find your counselor; you need to calm down so you can tell me your name.  Okay, sweetheart, I need you to calm yourself down.”  Tears ran down my face as I tried to calm down.  Nothing was working, I could not speak.  I began wheezing, and every small inhale and exhale came with a squeak.  I could not keep my eyes open.  All of my effort was put towards the inhale I took every three seconds. I could not get air into my body and no one could understand me.  The Am-Fa-Kedet ran away, and quickly came back with my counselor.

“RUBY! What is wrong?  You need your inhaler? Okay, I have to go get it.  I’ll be right back.”  My counselor sprinted away, as I sat gasping for every breath.  Every person who walked by stared at me, or came up to me asking if I was okay.  As more and more people talked to me, my breathing grew faster and faster.  They were all overwhelming me, but I had to try and not let them get to me.  My counselor finally came back with my inhaler; he shook it and passed it to me.  I took in the biggest breath I could and pressed hard on the medicine.  It rushed into my lungs and I tried to breath in again I tried again, and again, and again, but it wasn’t working.  Normally the first puff opens my lungs right away, but this time it wasn’t.  Now all I knew is that I needed to go to the hospital.  I turned to my counselor and he could tell I needed a doctor immediately.  He grabbed my arm trying to pick me up to take me to the infirmary, but I couldn’t hold up my body I slowly fell over, so he carried me all the way to the infirmary.  We walked inside a small dirty room filled with shelves full of bandages, tape, and gauze.  He placed me in a chair, wheezing for every breath of air I was unable to speak. 

“Hello, I am the medic.  How can I help you?”  I was staring at him thinking, haven’t you ever seen someone have an asthma attack? I shoved my inhaler in his face; he took it and began to read the label.  He explained that he had never herd of Albuterol, my asthma medicine and one of the most common asthma medicines in America, he decided to give me some oxygen.

 He told me, “It will probably help.” Then I was carried to another room to lie down as I was inhaling oxygen.  However, after what seemed like an hour, I was not feeling any better.  In fact, I was worse.  I could not exhale, but only inhale small breaths.  Every breath I took used up all the energy I had.  I was drained, but I had to keep pushing myself.  Slowly, I told my counselor that I could not wait any longer. I had to be taken to the hospital. 

“Okay, Ruby, if we go to the hospital I will come with you, but we need to get your clothes if you have to stay the night.  Alright? So who is in your tent?” 

“Kat,” I said as I exhaled and with that he left the room running.  I sat alone in the infirmary trying to calm myself down as much as I could.  I had to make myself stop thinking, and just concentrate on my breathing: in and out, in and out.  But when Kat, one of my best friends walked in the room, she broke down.  She dropped my bag and stared at me, her eyes filled with tears.  She walked towards me, kissed my forehead and left.  Finally it was time to leave; I was put onto a gurney and rolled out of the room.  My counselor Alex was on my right, a translator from the army on my left, and the ambulance driver in front of me.  When they lifted my gurney into the air, I fell off.  I hit the cement and began to cry once again.  The men decided to put the gurney in first and then lift me up.  I crawled as close to the ambulance as I could, and then my counselor picked me up.  I had a forty-five minute drive ahead of me, and was only given oxygen.  We drove out of the base and onto the freeway.

“Ruby, everything is going to be okay! I need you to only concentrate on your breathing,” the translator said to me.  But his advice wasn’t working; I was shaking and I couldn’t stop.  I could only think about my family and what my mom told me right before I left.  Ruby I’m very excited about this trip and you’re going to have the time of your life, but if you have an asthma attack it will ruin everything.  You know that right?  You know it will make this month so much harder for your Dad and I.   

            The ride was long, particularly because I went in and out of being able to breathe.  There was one other problem, I had to pee.  I had no idea what to do, but I couldn’t wait any longer and peeing in my pants was not an option.  I made the ambulance stop on the side of the freeway.  It was pitch black outside while cars flew past me.  But at this point, it didn’t matter, and I went to the bathroom.  My body was weak and I could not stand up straight or even take more than two steps, so I went to the bathroom right next to the ambulance. 

            We finally arrived to the hospital, but the driver couldn’t find the Emergency Room.  I was put in a wheelchair and wheeled around the hospital.  I sat in my chair as I was pushed through the thick humid night air.  I couldn’t see anything around me, my strength was gone, and all I could do was sit.  Finally, we found the correct place.  I was not rushed into the ER though, I had to sit and wait with the rest of the people who had broken arms and cuts.  In America, when you are having a life and death emergency you are seen right away, but this hospital was very casual.  

            “Ruby Shapiro,” the nurse called my name.  Finally I was going to be able to get REAL help!  I was slowly pushed in the direction of a checkup room.  Not the ER.  No I didn’t get rushed through the swinging doors; I was just wheeled into a room.  This was abnormal and I couldn’t take it anymore.  The next thing I heard was the nurse who spoke to me in Hebrew I looked up at her and shook my head.  She gave me no sympathy, but grabbed my arm tightly to check my pulse wrote down the number, and left the room.  My breathing got faster and faster, I felt as though I was breathing through a straw, trying to get in and out as much air as possible through a tiny hole.  No one was helping me anymore.  I was safe in a hospital, but a hospital that doesn’t know how to help people, a hospital that doesn’t understand me and isn’t helping me at all!  Alex, my counselor, could see that I was beginning to flip out again and asked our translator what was going on.  The translator turned to Alex, turned to the doctor, and they quickly spoke back and forth in Hebrew.  They sounded as if they were fighting.  Then the translator turned to me,

            “Okay Ruby, they are going to take you into the next room and give you your medicine.”  My counselor and I followed the doctor.  They hooked me up to more oxygen, and the Israeli version of Albuterol.  They poured the Albuterol into a small cup attached to a long breathing tube.  The liquid medicine came into the tube, as I inhaled.  With each exhale I took, smoke came out of the machine.

            I heard my translator yelling outside the door, and my counselor walked outside to see what was going on.  After a couple of minutes he walked back in and told me they were yelling about my uniform.  I was wearing the Israeli Defense uniform, because that was our dress code in the army.  I could not really understand this fight because I was concerned about my breathing.  I found out later that many people in the hospital came up to my translator and yelled at him because they thought I was a solider.  They were mad that the army could not take care of me.  After about fifteen minutes my first round of medicine ran out, I needed more.  The nurse came in and poured more into my tube, and I began breathing in the smoke once again. 

            After I began to calm down, Alex called Talia.  Talia and Ariel were the organizers of our trip.  They planned every single activity we did in Israel.  They were like my parents, I had grown so close to them on this trip and now I had to explain what had happened.  Alex had called them when we were in the ambulance, and now it was my turn.  Alex passed me his cell phone.

“RUBY! Sweetie, how are you? Are they treating you alright over there?”

“Hi Talia,” I replied slowly, “yeah everything is…” I couldn’t speak anymore, Talia’s voice created tears that I couldn’t handle at that moment.  I passed the phone to Alex and whispered to him, “I can’t right now.”  I sank down into my chair and began to think about my parents.  How could I break it to them? I would have to wake them up. (It was around four in the morning in California) Would they want me to come home?  My mind created every possible bad situation, but then it hit me: I’m getting the help I need.

            Round three of the medicine started and at this point my whole body began shaking and all the color in my face disappeared.  The medicine was getting to me, and so was my exhaustion.  I could hardly keep my eyes open and I was ready to go.  The hospital proved its ability in the end, and I walked out breathing just normal.

            I stepped back into the ambulance and instantly fell asleep.  I was woken up forty-five minutes later.

“Ruby, we’re here, but I can’t allow you to sleep in the tents with all the other kids.  We’re gonna walk over to your tent area and get your mat and sleeping bag.  Then you’re gonna sleep in a classroom.  Alright?  Classrooms have air conditioning, which it the best thing we have on the base for you right now. Alright?”  I looked up at Alex and nodded my head.  We slowly walked to my tent and I silently grabbed my mat and sleeping bag.  Then we arrived at the classroom I was to sleep in.  It was huge and bare.  I laid my stuff down in the middle of the room, turned off the lights and fell asleep, taking each breath in and out.