Dude, Where’s My Childhood?
By Geoffrey Mahley
“Holy shit dude, it’s your mom!”
“Dude get in, quickly! Upstairs, upstairs.”
“I hope to god she didn’t see us.”
“Don’t worry, just stay quiet.”
Let’s back up a bit. It was a late Thursday spring afternoon. A beautiful day. One that my best friend and I decided would be the first time in our lives we would play hooky.
“Have you ever cut class?” Moses asked.
“Naw, have you?” I replied.
“No.”
“Dude we definitely need to cut one time before the end of middle school.”
“Well, I’m making ice cream in my next class. What are you doing in Ms. Hotter’s class?
“We’re just watching a movie…”
“Are you trying to cut today?”
“YES! We can go to my house and chill.”
“Sweet lets do it.”
So during lunch we went to the south side of King, right by the science building. This would prove the best place depart, as there were not that many kids, no teachers, and my house, and the freedom to do whatever we wanted for one and a half hours, was just a block and a half down the street. We normally didn’t hang out on the south side, evidently, we met a bunch of new people.
“Ay cutie, how old is you?” asked an overweight girl whom I had never seen in my life.
“Uhhhhhhhh, 13. Why?” I responded.
“I dono,” she said as she looked towards the ground, “you lookin’ kinda good.”
“Ummmmmm, thanks?”
After she realized that neither I nor Moses was interested in her, she eventually waddled back to her group of friends.
“Wait dude, doesn’t your mom come home for lunch around this time?” Moses asked.
“Yea but we can see if the van is parked in front, and we’ll know if she already came if my dog is in the backyard. She always puts him out back when she comes home.”
“Fosho dude.”
“See man, I got this all figured out.”
As the end of lunch neared our hearts began to beat faster and faster. The bell rang and all the other students began hoarding back to their classes. Now all that stood between us and victory was the open chain link fence ten feet away from us. We started to walk nervously towards our freedom, eyes peeled for any administrators. Then, as we made it past the point of no return, the plump girl from before shouted at the top of her lungs, “OOOOOOOHHHHH, YAWL CUTTIN!” As soon as those words echoed forth from the beast, we bolted. Adrenaline made it feel as though that was the fastest I had ever run in my life. We had finally done it.
Out of breath and still amped from our escape, we stood at the top of my block and looked down towards my house. We couldn’t see if the van was in the driveway or not so we walked around the block to the other side. Still nothing. We then proceeded to sneak down the other side of the street. We thought of ourselves as stealthy marines, crawling through bushes and hopping over fences, we finally got a clear view of my driveway. There was no van there. Moses glanced at his phone, and then questioned “Do you think she came and left already? It’s pretty late.”
“Probably. Let’s just go.”
We walked up the front stairs briskly and looked back and forth for neighbors. As soon as I reached into my pocket, my keys jumped from inside and fluttered to the ground, making an awkward clank. As I kneeled down to pick them up, Moses’ eyes settled upon a white van turning the corner. “Holy shit dude, it’s your mom!”
“Dude get in, quickly!” I replied. “Upstairs, upstairs.”
Moses and I hurdled over laundry baskets and my dog Bodie before we made our way upstairs and into my sister’s room.
“I hope to god she didn’t see us.” Mosses whispered.
“Don’t worry, just stay quiet.”
So there we stood (I was actually sitting). In my sister’s room listening to the footsteps strutting around downstairs. Thoughts began popping in and out of my mind. Thoughts like “how long does she usually stay during lunch?” and “what would she do if she caught us?” and “what if Bodie leads her upstairs and into this safe haven?” I heard the microwave turn on, then footsteps leading my ears up the stairs. My sister’s room is at the top of the stairs and to the right, and if she were to open the door all she would see is two scared young boys. The footsteps quieted as they reached the top of the stairs and paused for an eternity. Thinking back on it, I am surprised she wasn’t able to hear my heart pounding through the door.
“Just go out and tell your mom that I’m sick and you are just helping me out.” Mosses said in the softest voice possible.
“No, just stay quiet.” I hissed back at him.
I could see the shadows of her feet through the crack at the bottom of the door. It seemed as though she could feel Mosses and I quivering in there. However, instead of opening the door and catching us, calling Mosses’ parents, and ruining the rest of our middle school lives, the footsteps wandered into their room for less than a minute then proceeded back down the stairs.
“See, I told you.” I snapped at Mosses.
“I guess.”
It got pretty boring waiting for my mom to leave. The worst part about it was that we had to maintain silence, or the closest thing to it, for an unknown period of time. Now maybe you have forgotten how your middle school mind worked, but silence for us was one of the greatest challenges we faced throughout this whole ordeal. Thoughts began racing through my mind like before, but before I could formulate any more questions in my head, my attention was given to Mosses who was frantically waving his hands, as though he had discovered a cure for cancer. I gave him a nod in acknowledgment. He then scratched his cheek, smiled, then nodded back. I shot him a puzzled look. He scratched his cheek once more then embellished “isn’t this the loudest sound you’ve ever heard?”
Although it was the stupidest sounding comment I had ever heard, he did have a point. “God damn,” I whispered back “that is hella loud.”
After a few more silent, boring minutes Mosses opened his mouth once again.
“Dude, do you think your mom left yet?”
“I don’t know. But I’m not trying to take any chances.”
“Yeah, I’m down.”
“Can you imagine if I would’ve gone out and explained to my mom that because you were sick, I took you to my house, and we thought the best place for you to heal was in my sister’s room?”
“Yeah. Come to think of it, that was a horrible idea.”
The only way to kill time up there was to stare at the clock. I watched each hand spin for what seemed to be hours.
“It’s been like five minutes, your mom definitely left already.” Moses said.
“Ok, stay here. I’m gona go downstairs and check. Keep your fingers crossed.”
I opened and closed the door without making a sound. I felt like I was in a Scream movie, except instead of trying to avoid a mass murderer, I was trying to avoid my mom. However, the consequences of getting caught were about the same. I crept down the stairs and prayed that none of them would squeak and potentially bring hell down upon me.
As soon as I reached the final step, I let out a sigh. Bodie was in the backyard and my mom was surely back at her work. “MOSSES!” I shouted confidently “It’s all good, you can come down, my mom left.”
“Sweet dude.” Mosses said.
After a few moments spent appreciating this newly acquired freedom through dance, I presented a new problem in our attempt to live up that freedom. “What should we do now?” It seemed as though there were only thirty minutes until school got out now.
“I don’t know. Maybe we could call up Phillip White once school ends.” Mosses answered.
“Okay, but what do we do until then?
“Well, we could watch T.V.”
“Actually I have a little weed. Are you trying to burn and then see what’s up?
Mosses’ eyes widened then responded “We have to after what just happened.”
I ran upstairs and took the small baggie, my little pipe, and my lucky A’s Zippo out of a sock hidden in a shoe placed in a box underneath a towel in the back of my closet. We strutted into my backyard and packed a small amount of the sack into the tinny metal bowl. Puff, puff pass was what we learned. After a little bit, we giggled our way back into my house and in front of the television. Time was moving faster now and before we knew it, school was out and the time had come to call Phillip.
“Yo man, are you trying to go to La’Vals?”
“Yeah but I’m with Ari, is it chill if he comes too?”
“Of course, just come to my house.”
As
Phillip and Ari made their way to my house, Mosses and I began to rock out to
Led Zeppelin and “go dumb” to Mac Dre with the speakers on maximum. This proved to be a very entertaining and fun
way to pass those ten minutes but as soon as Phillip and Ari arrived we put an
end to those activities and regained conscience of our former goal. We saddled up and began our long grueling
journey to the other side of town, on foot.
In addition to the excruciating walk we encountered something we weren’t
supposed to for one more year. “YEA
MOTHA FUCKAS!” was all I heard while we crossed
La’Vals
was our 8th grade hotspot on Friday afternoons and whenever we
wanted to escape the grasp of our parents for an hour or so. Piazza, video games, and television. What else could a kid need? Even though countless Fridays were spent
pigging out and wasting money on Crusin’
*RIP LA’VALS on Channing*