The Meaning of Life Explained

            by Gang Huang

 

       Although many philosophers have tried to tackle to meaning behind our poor existence, few have actually come up with a satisfactory response. But if we think about it, how could have they? The meaning of life is as hard for us to grasp as for a dog is to discover the meaning of a cabbage. But in order for us to have some understanding of the meaning of life, I am going to present you a couple examples. Hopefully, you can also discover the meaning of life for yourself.

1. Technology

A. Television

As we all might know, television is very convenient. We can watch it from our living room (the usual), our bedroom (except for the unfortunate Asian kids), or even the kitchen (with the small 9 inch screen). Some families even have a TV in the bathroom so that they can watch their favorite show while taking care of their business. We can listen to the current news so that we can talk with our friends in a heated political debate by copying exactly what the media told us. We can watch some music videos on MTV so that we would feel hip. We can also watch Spongebob with our little siblings who seem to forget everything once the yellow squishy substance starts to sing, dance, and making famous Crabby Patties.

What we don’t know is what’s behind all the shows. We don’t see that each time Bush is criticized based on what he said during a presidential speech, there are a significant number of people who are trying to wipe behind him, nor do we see the hard work a producer and his staff do trying to bring a sponge into life. As for the music videos, I think there is only as much as we see on the TV – the pimp and his Hos.

B. The Internets

So some people call this the age of internet. I strongly agree with this statement. I can’t thank the internet enough when I try to finish up a history research paper or to translate my writing into Spanish the day before it is due. The internet even helped me with IES during my freshman year when I had to “come up” with some of the racial issues in this country. (But nobody cares about IES so it doesn’t really count) The internet also helps us with relationships. We can pay a little fee to register in an online dating website which allows us to surf for our future mate. It makes it easy for us to shop for our future husband or wife just like in our local Wal-Mart! Though don’t run onto the internet just yet. You better do a thorough background check for your lover. I’m sure you don’t want to marry a cheater who is really a transvestite from Georgia named Gina! The internet is truly one of the greatest creations that we have ever seen in our time. Although some people argue that our internet is out of control with pornography and should be censored, I think otherwise. After all, pornographic websites are the most visited ones in the web and without them, who would use internet anyways?

C. Biotechnology

One of the most heated debates in biotechnology is whether the use of stem cells in research, to cure various diseases, is killing live beings. This issue makes us wonder how do we define life and when does it begin. To make the matter short, stem cells are cells taken from the semi-mature cells that duplicated themselves over time in order to grow into a living being after our mom and dad had some fun in their bed, whether it’s an accident or on purpose. Well, from what I know, babies are given to us by birds and since stem cells are not from birds, we shouldn’t call it a living baby.

2. Love

       A. Family

       “Gang, would you bring in the laundry please?”

       “Why? I’m doing something. Can I do it later?”

       “Be a nice little boy and help your mother bringing the laundry in. I can’t leave the spot right now. Love you honey.”

       “Love isn’t worth a penny. I might do it if you raise my allowance.”

       B. The Special Someone

       Whether you believe in destiny or self-effort, people eventually find somebody they want to be with. This could happen from when they are only three or in their late sixties. Although we think that old people making out is gross, we have to think that we will be doing the same thing when we reach that age. I think I’m going to shoot myself.

       C. Cabbage

       Cabbage, also know as el col in Spanish, is a green vegetable. Some people prefer lettuce over cabbage but I just adore the aroma that cabbage produces. Sometimes I dream that I was a cabbage and would sit under the sun, waiting for the farmer to pick me up. It also makes my cat horny. I also hate the taste of cabbage.

3. Education

       A. Books

       Reading really expands our knowledge. It gives us many questions and answers. When we have more questions than answers, it makes us ponder. It is perfectly healthy to do because it makes us smart. It also helps the little kids by giving them a whole new way to bug their parents. The problem is when it gives us more answers than questions. It makes us seem abnormal or crazy, except for the answer yes. The answer “yes” can help us resolve a lot of problems.

“Do you think I look nice in this dress?”

“Yes.”

“Would you like to go on a date with me?”

“Yes.”

“Sup bro, I just banged your girlfriend.”

“Yes.”

If you want to read more on this topic, refer to the end of this piece.

       B. School

       School can vary from place to place. However, I will give us some understanding of my school – Berkeley High. Berkeley High School is located in, surprisingly, Berkeley. Our school consists of roughly 4200 students from mainly Berkeley and Oakland but there are, sometimes, students from poorer areas such as Richmond and El Cerrito. Our school is very diverse and contains people of every race. The school does not discriminate against any race except white people who are often described with such words as “bad”, “evil”, and “Caucasian” in our ninth grade IES classes, which are now called Freshman Seminar in order to avoid their former criticism. Our school building consists of A, C, D, E, G, and H with the exception of B which burned down a few years ago and is the main reason the teachers actually take the time to evacuate the building during numerous false fire-alarms every couple of days. About the education, we learn good. That is all I have to say about our school.

       C. Standardized Tests

       Everybody knows the SAT. But nobody knows what SAT stands for. Even the Collegeboard has played around with the acronym and finally decided that SAT does not stand for anything. Standardized tests are most of the time a pain in the behind – literally. We have to sit on our butt for one hour if the test is short and up to four hours, in case of the SAT Reasoning Test, if it’s long. Moreover, most of the people assigned to the test centers do not know what they are doing, they will make you wait an hour outside of the test center and leave about an hour after the test time is over. On top of that, most of these tests cost way too much; an AP test would cost ninety-five dollars if your family doesn’t make less than $50,000 or less as a whole. But after paying all the money to attend test prep classes and getting around 1590 on the old SAT I test, we have good news for you; Cal doesn’t accept the old SAT anymore.

4. The Real Meaning of Life

After reading everything in here, I have a simple and quick summery for you. The true meaning of life and universe is simply 42. No, it’s real. A really smart computer somewhere in the universe calculated it for us.