Finding the Truth

            by Misha Gates

 

            Maya walked lazily to the Hit and Run Bar on 28^th Street, passing by a little knot of homeless people in the alley way.  She had learned not to talk to them from past experience.  Opening the door to the bar, a burst of smoke and stale beer hit her nose.  Shaking her head, she walked to the back of the bar and punched in on the time clock.  As she put on her apron over her black skin tight jeans, she thought, Oh God, eight hours of perverts to deal with.  She sullenly walked to the bar and began to wipe down the marble top. 

            By 6:30 the regulars had filled the bar stools and some of the booths.  Maya was on fire, filling all the drink orders.  She outdid all the other bartenders with her efficiency and speed.  Glancing around the room, she felt centered while everyone else slipped into drunkenness.  Even though this job paid the rent, this was not what she wanted to do with her life.  It was her last year of graduate school before getting her teaching credential.  She had been on her own since she was eighteen and was used to fending for herself.

            By 10:30 the music got to ear splitting level.  Shouting over the din, she told the other bartender that she was taking a break.  Sitting on the leather couch in the employee room, she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror.  Her long brown hair was in a bun for work.  Even though she was tired, her blue- green eyes sparkled in the light.  Her shirt outlined her figure perfectly; she hated it because it looked like  she was on display.  Most people thought that she was a natural beauty.

            When her shift finally ended at two in the morning, Maya dragged her exhausted body home.  Passing Animal Heaven, a pet shop she always looked into, a green piece of paper caught her eye.  Moving in for a closer look, she noticed that it was an ad for a college Chemistry  tutor.  Piece of cake, she thought ripping it from the window and folding it into her pocket.

            The next morning she remembered the ad and called the number.  Hearing a ring in the background, she got the answering machine. “Hi, you have reached James Thorn.  I’m not here right now, so leave your name and number and I’ll get back to you.”

            “Hi, this Maya Ginn.  I saw your ad for a Chemistry tutor. I took this class at the university a couple of years ago and aced it. Call me at 434-5559 if you want to meet me.  Thank you.” 

            Twenty minutes later Maya’s phone rang.  It was James saying that they could meet in the park around 10 a.m. the next morning.  Well, that was easy, she thought. Maya was pleased that she might be getting some actual teaching experience.  Maybe this was the ticket to getting out of her draining job at the bar.  Plus, the electric bill was due, so this was perfect timing.   

            Maya arrived at the park first.  Not knowing exactly who to look for, she observed everybody as he came in.  She smacked herself in the head, thinking, Stupid, he’ll probably be carrying a chemistry book!  Then she saw a tall, medium build, dark haired guy who looked to be about the right age.  He wore baggy jeans and a loose white t-shirt. Her first impression was that he looked lost and confused.  Then he tripped over a crack in the sidewalk and dropped his Chemistry book. She knew she had found her student. 

            She went up to him.  “Hi, I’m Maya Ginn.  You’re James Thorn?” 

            “Yeah, I ‘m James.  This advanced chemistry class is kicking my ass.   If you’ve already taken it, that would be great.  Just show me what to do.  I have a short attention span, but I’ll try to keep up.  I sometimes blank out, so please forgive me.”

            They started their sessions that very day.  Maya was surprised at how much she remembered.  Months went by and they began to open up about their personal lives.  James found out that Maya liked to drink milk from a sippy straw.  Maya found out that James really did have a short attention span.  Snapping fingers in front of his face seemed to work. They both liked the Pirates of the Caribbean soundtrack, although they disagreed on Johnny Depp.

            “I’m telling you James, Johnny Depp is the sexiest man alive.  Take my word for it!”

            “Personally, I like Kiera Knightly.”

            “Well, of course you do, you’re a guy!” she said.

            Gradually they got to know each other and Maya discovered that his mother had recently died.  Afterwards, he moved out because he wasn’t that close to his father.  James revealed some disturbing incidents about his father’s temper.  He rolled up his shirt sleeve to show a small round burn scar that looked like a cigarette burn. 

            “This is what happened when I interrupted my father when he was on the phone,” he said cringing.

            Maya learned that James had put up with all he could take, so he moved out as soon as he graduated high school.  He was living on his own for the first time and not doing really well.  His job didn’t pay the bills and he was exhausted from school.   She noticed that he looked like he was in pain, clutching his ribs when he talked about his family.  What kind of home life did this poor kid have that he looks so wounded? she thought.

            “Hey, James, what’s wrong?” she asked.                                             

            “Nothing, just fell and hurt my side a few days ago.  It’s not that bad.”

            Maya let it go because it looked like he really didn’t want to talk about it.  She knew that he was lying.  Then James steered the conversation to her.  “Anyway, enough about me.  What’s your home life like?”

            “Well, I don’t really get along with my parents.  I was adopted into a weird family.  They just never understood me.  I’ve always kind of been the rebel in my own quiet way.  As soon as I was of age, I split.  And I’ve never looked back,” Maya said with her head down.

            James felt like there was a bond between them.  Not only did Maya help him study, but she also helped him feel not so alone in the world. There was something about Maya that James respected.  She always thought logically before she responded.  She was tough minded about life, but soft hearted.  Maya saw James as someone in need of protection. She noticed that he still liked to watch cartoons like a little kid.  His eyes lit up when he saw the ice cream truck came.   He wanted to go to Marine World on his birthday.  He knew he was acting like a child, but it was okay with Maya.  Together they made a good team.           

            After many trips to Starbucks with Maya, pouring over a Chemistry text, James passed his course with flying colors.  They celebrated his victory by burning his Chemistry notebook.  They realized that they didn’t want their friendship to end with the end of the semester.  So Maya and James still met regularly at the park, or the miniature golf course, or Maya’s apartment.  Sometimes in the morning, James would sneak into her apartment and scream, “Wake up, wake up!”  Maya would throw a pillow at him and they would both fall to the floor laughing. To her, James would always be like her little brother, someone who needed to be looked after.  Maya loved his cheerfulness.  Her life was a lot less lonely with James in it.        

            About a year later, Maya got a letter from an adoption agency that said that her file was open to her.  She could find out who her biological parents were.  At first, she was filled with excitement.  I finally get to meet my real parents and ask them why they deserted me.  Then the excitement she felt became clouded with nervousness.  Her stomach lurched at the thought of meeting her parents.  Will they like me?  How will they react when they see me?  Do I have siblings?  What if I don’t like them?  She had waited for this information for her whole life.  Now that it was here, she didn’t know if she could handle the pressure.  She thought about her adoptive parents.  They had always been kind, but they were so busy with their own lives that Maya was left on her own. Maybe this was her chance to find out what a real family is like.

            She brought the letter to her bedroom and saw the words, Maya Ginn’s Adoption File.  With a shaky hand, she opened the file and saw a name that looked very familiar, Grace Thorn.   Thorn -- sounds familiar.  she thought.  Then she scanned the rest of the papers and saw the words, “sibling: James Thorn.”   She was frozen in her spot, just staring at the file.  Slowly, she staggered to her couch and sat down.  I have a brother, she thought.  I am not alone.

            She started fantasizing about what her mother might look like.  She pictured a kind woman with soft blue eyes.  Her arms would be open as they came together.  Then reality hit her as she remembered that James had said that his mother had died over a year ago.  For the first time, tears started falling down her face. I never got to meet my real Mom.  She never got to see how I grew up, she thought.  Then she saw a handwritten note from her mother in the file. 

            “My dearest Maya, I’m writing this to you because even though we will never meet, you have a place in my heart.  I knew when I was pregnant that you couldn’t be in the Thorn household.  The doctors say I have only a few hours left. Even though I was never a smoker, lung cancer has claimed my life.  So that is why I’m writing this letter.   I’m sorry that we never got to meet and I am sorry that I have abandoned you.  But you will be glad to hear that you have a little brother named James.  I want you to find him and take care of him.  He may not look it, but he is very fragile. I couldn’t send this letter while I was still healthy because of James’ father.  You see, I had an affair when I was a newlywed and you were the outcome.   James is your half-brother.  James’ father would never have tolerated you coming into our household because he knew that you were my baby from a different man.  My husband has a violent temper and James and I have had to suffer through this.  It would be unkind to bring you into this kind of tension. Again, I’m sorry that we could not meet in person, but you’ll know me by knowing James.  Take care, my daughter.  I love you.   Grace Thorn”

            Maya let the papers fall from her hands.  She couldn’t think straight.  Different thoughts rushed through her head.  My mother loves me.  She didn’t forget about me.  She’s dead.  When that sunk in, she thought about James.  Oh my God, he’s my brother!  No wonder we kind of look alike!  Maya knew she had earth shattering news to tell him, but she wanted to hold on to her secret for just a little while.  That night, she read through her whole file.  Her eyes welled up a little bit, but she was still happy. She felt less alone in the world. 

            Early in the morning she called in sick at the bar.  I need a day to adjust myself to this shock.  Maya decided that it was a good day to go shopping.  She was in the mood to splurge her hard earned money.  Her first stop was at Macy’s, where she found a slinky pair of hooker boots that she thought she’d buy just for fun.  Well, that’s something different!   She stopped off at the make-up counter and bought some nice natural eye liner and lip gloss.  I deserve a little attention.  Toward the end of the day, she bought a big fat mystery romance novel that she could lose herself in.  A little escape never hurt anybody.  She was pleased with her purchases and felt like she was bringing out a whole different side of herself; a more playful version.  She felt liberated.  Knowing the truth about her past had a freeing effect on her. 

            Later that evening she dialed James’ number with a shaky hand. 

            “Hello?”

            “Hey James?  It’s Maya.”

            “Oh, hey Maya, what’s up?”

            “Can you meet me in the park?  You know, where we first met?”

            “Yeah sure, see you there.”

            As they hung up, Maya gathered her file from the floor and rushed to meet James.  When she got there she saw him leaning against the big oak tree.  Panting, she smiply handed her file to him saying, “Read.”  He skimmed through it.  Eyes widening, he looked at her, then back at the paper, then back at her.

             “Oh God, this can’t be true!” he said.

            “That’s what I thought at first,” she answered.

            “Why didn’t Mom ever tell me?”

            “She thought that she was protecting you.  She knew your dad would explode.”

            His body slowly slumped against the tree.  He looked like a lost little child.  His face screwed up into a wince.  He was holding back tears.  Finally his face relaxed as tears rolled down his cheeks.  A look of understanding crossed his face. 

            “I’m so sorry you had to be alone through all of this, while I had a family.”

            “I did have a family, it just wasn’t the right family,” said Maya.

            “I know, but you never got to see how wonderful Mom was.  I could tell you about her.”

            So they sat down and talked about Grace Thorn well into the night.  Maya learned that her favorite dish to make was fettuccine alfredo with shrimp.  She loved the color blue.  She was an avid reader.  She even tried to write a novel of her own, but that never did work out.  She once fell off the couch while trying brush the dog.  James thought she was hurt until she started laughing.  When he was little, she’d always make him chocolate chip pancakes on Saturday mornings.  She could be goofy, but had serious side, too.  Then his eyes grew sad as he related how she got sick.  She got weaker every day.  James couldn’t stand to see her suffer.  His mother’s illness seemed to make his father more vicious, not less.  The only way his father could deal with sorrow was to take it out on James.  That was right before he moved out. 

            “Sounds like you did what you had to do to save yourself,” said Maya.

            “Yeah, but I wonder if I should’ve stayed,” he said. 

             Tears began to run down his face.  Circling her arms around him like a mother would to a child, Maya held him tightly.  After a while James calmed down, sniffled and wiped his eyes.  His head fell limply against her shoulder.  Maya forgot about all her troubles and focused her attention on James.

            “Come on James, you can spend the night at my place.”

            “Okay,” he said with a quivering voice.

            That’s how James and Maya started their habit of sleeping over each at other’s places.  James set up his bed on the futon.  Pretty soon, Maya’s hair dryer was on James’ bathroom shelf.  And Maya bought Lucky Charms for James to eat in the mornings.  James brought over his DVD’s so they could have movie night every Friday night.  Eventually, James was spending most of his time at Maya’s.  It felt comforting for Maya to have another person’s presence in the house.  Even James’ clumsy moves in the morning were soothing for Maya.  He knew how to clean up his own mess, so he was a good roommate.  Together they made up a shopping list to go to Trader Joe’s on Saturdays.   James knew Maya’s schedule, so he made an effort to clean up the apartment before she came home.

            Christmas was on the way.  James bought a little fake Christmas tree for the front room.  James got a little teary eyed when he remembered that his mother would always make ginger bread cookies.  He thought about all the good times that his family had.  An image of his father throwing a snowball at him when they went to Tahoe came to his mind.  His father could be a lot of fun when he wasn’t angry.  Then a thought came to him that he had been pushing aside.  He hadn’t talked to his father in a long time.  He felt ready to call him.  James didn’t know if he was ready to forgive, but he knew he had to try.

            He went to the phone and dialed his home number.  Waiting for his dad to pick up, he drummed his fingers against the couch.        

            “Hello?” a gruff voice answered.

            “Hey dad.  I was wondering if I could come home for Christmas?”

            “Sure.  It would be nice to have someone around the house.”

            “I have someone I want you to meet.  Can I bring her?”

            “The more the merrier,” said his father.

            “Okay, see you on Christmas,” James said with relief as he hung up the phone.

            Christmas day came.  He and Maya both dreaded and looked forward to this day.  Maya dressed in her most conservative pant suit and James wore a nice shirt and tie.  When Maya first saw the stately brick house, she imagined what life would have been like in that homey place.  As they walked up the stairs, James took her hand and squeezed it.  She braced herself for the encounter that was about to happen. 

            The door opened and a tall, lanky man looked at them.  His blue-gray eyes pierced through them.  Maya thought he was scary.  He stood aside to let them in.  The first thing James noticed was that all the pictures had been taken off the mantle.  There was no trace of him or his mother ever having lived there.  There were no Christmas decorations anywhere, not even a tree.  The house seemed lonely.

            As they were eating a catered dinner, James decided it was time for the truth. 

            “Dad, as you know this Maya.  But there is something about her that you don’t know.”

            “What about her?”

            “Well, you see, Maya is my half sister.  Maya is the baby mom gave up for adoption.  Now she is part of our family.”

            Mr. Thorn slowly put down his fork.  When he looked up, he had fire in his eyes. 

            “WHAT!  I can’t believe you brought her here.  I never wanted to see her.  To me she is dead.”

            Maya put down her water glass and just looked at him.  “I’m sorry you feel that way.  I was hoping that we could get to know each other.”

            “No, that won’t be possible.  Now remove yourself from my house and never come back.”

            As Maya got up, James did as well.  On shaky legs, Maya walked to the front door.  Glad to, get me out of here, she thought. She took one last look behind her, just as a flying cup whizzed by her head.  This guy’s a lunatic!  Quickly, she scrambled out the door, tugging James with her.  They could still hear the sound of dishes shattering and James’ father roaring with rage.  They made their escape to the silence of the car, where they sat for a long time. Instead of driving home, Maya drove straight to James’ apartment.

            “Pack your stuff.  You’re moving into my place permanently.  I’m your family now.”

            So that awful Christmas day was the day Maya gained a family.  She was both sister and mother to James, all rolled into one.  James learned how to be tough in life when he needed to be.  They weren’t a perfect family, but they were good enough for each other.  And that’s what mattered.  That’s the truth.