My Life Story

            by Misha Gates

 

My life story is my own personal point of view, but it is also very intertwined with my mother who adopted me. The story of my adoption is pretty typical. My mom, Alice, adopted me while I was still in my birth mother’s womb. My mom and I flew from Orange County to our home in Berkeley. We lived on the top story of a house on hill. The house was destroyed in the 1989 earthquake, so we moved to the flat lands. I was a healthy infant who had just come into the world. A drawer was my bed for the first few weeks. I am told that my grandmother cried when she first saw me. At first, she had a little trouble with my name.

“Alice, what did you name her?” my grandmother asked.

“Misha, after Daddy,” my mom said.

“What? That’s a boy’s name. How could you name her that?”

Later on, my grandmother got used to my name and thought it was perfect for me.

From my earliest memory, I have always had the sense that I am different from other people. I don’t look anything like my adoptive mom, except that we both have brown eyes. I knew that I was adopted since I was one year old and it didn’t really affect me that much. My mother and I joined an adoption group so that I could meet other adopted kids. In my world, about half my friends were adopted. It was no big deal. At this age, I began to understand that adoption was a privilege, not a curse. My birth mom gave me a chance to have a better life than what she could have offered. I started to see that she did not abandon me.

I was a very curious child, always noticing things. Watching where people put their things down and forgetting where they put them, I would keep that spot in my mind. I would always go to the spot where they left their belongings and go up to them and hand them their things back with a big smile. I was known as a little detective. I loved my toys, especially the hand made block letters that spelled my name.

I started preschool at Cedar Creek Montessori School. Those were happy years, filled with many friends. My love for animals started with a single rat, the classroom pet. I got to take care of her over Thanksgiving break. She was so cute. I laid her on my stomach and played with her little arms. Around this time, I got my dog, Gracie. She was a well-behaved blue border collie. She was very reserved. She was so obedient that she could go off-leash when we went for walks. Gracie slept in my room on a bed on the floor. She was totally spoiled, but she was a real lady. She had real poise.

Almost every birthday party was a swimming party at the YMCA. Sometimes it was at the play gym. I remember that one of my mom’s friends had a motorcycle that I loved to sit on. I also loved my grandmother’s house in Oakland. She used to have lots of books there for me. She had sweet treats for me, and sour apples. There was a spicy scent in the house; you could always tell that she had been baking. She had lots of old fashioned earrings that dangled. She was sweet up to the day she died, when I was seven.

For kindergarten, I went to Berkwood Hedge. When I think of this school, I shudder. My experience was not very pleasant. I only had one friend. It was here that my learning disability started to surface. I had a hard time reading, and this made me feel stupid. I felt like I was an outcast. One incident that stands out clearly in my mind is when my classmate and I were

playing beauty salon. I had long beautiful hair that fell down past my shoulders. A girl cut my hair up to my ears! When I finally saw what she was doing, I screamed. Then I had to get my hair cut way above my ears. I looked like a boy.

In second grade, I had a better chance of surviving. I had to switch schools because I was so unhappy at my other school. Berkeley Montessori School (B.M.S.) was my new environment fir second grade. They helped me improve my social skills and reading. I started having tutoring that year. I also got tested for my learning disability, which helped me come to terms with my learning challenges. I ended up staying back a year to catch up on my reading.

By the time I reached upper elementary (grades 4-6), I was flying through books. I loved my teachers. They were very flexible with me and they understood what I was going through. We had a golden canary, Goldie. She died when I was in sixth grade, right after she laid her eggs. Then the eggs died, too, because a lack of warmth. We all missed her.

I had friends, I was able to do the school work, but there was still something that needed to be answered. I wanted to know who my birth mom was. I wanted to see what she looked like. When I tried to picture her I drew a blank. All these ideas were swimming in my head. This is when I became focused on going back to my files and actually finding her.

My mother and I hired a detective to try to track down my birth mother, Anitra. We knew enough information to locate her. We finally made contact by phone, and she wanted to come and meet me as much as I wanted to meet her. When I was ten years old, we picked her up at the Oakland Airport, where she arrived with my little sister, Rickie. Tears ofjoy came to my eyes when I saw her. “Wow, this is my mom,” I thought. I was overwhelmed with happiness. My mom, Alice, was very kind to her. As we sat in the living room, we got to know each other.

“Misha, you look so beautiful! I can’t believe my little girl has grown up,” she said.

Being unused to compliments, I just blushed and said, “Thank you.”

‘How’s your brother?” she said, asking about my younger brother, Danny, who was adopted into a different family a year after me. She had never seen him, either.

‘He’s fine. He’s really happy and he has a little sister of his own,” I said.

Anitra was happy that both her children had found such good homes. We took lots of pictures, which I accidentally ruined in the camera. We had a great time. She said that next time she would bring her husband, Chuck. But there was no next time. I am still waiting for the next time. We keep in touch over the phone, and I have promised to come and make her dinner.

When I turned thirteen, I started going through a stage were I couldn’t handle things. I was slipping into depression. I knew my birth mom, but not my dad. Going into middle school with such negativity made school very difficult. In my mind, my school work started to deteriorate. Ijust didn’t want to do it. I felt like life was unfair because a lot of people had dads, while I only had a mom. I had to get help with everything so I went to a therapist and got anti-depressant medication. After that I started to get better and wanted to get everything back on track. Even though some things in the past could not be made up.

Sometimes I imagine what it would have been like if I had never been adopted. I would be with my real mom, sister and a step-father. I would have to share my room with my little sister and move around from house to house a lot. I would not have a tutor or get tested to find out about my learning disability. Although Anitra could afford the basic necessities, I would not have all the luxuries that I have now. I would have gone to public school and not have the support that I have now in school. My birth mom is really strict with my little sister, so she would expect me to well in school without help. On the other hand, I would have tons of

family and learn more about Anitra. I would be able to relate more to Anitra than to Alice because she is younger and would have a fresher memory of when she was a teenager. I could speak more freely about my problems and have a long talk about them.

Talking to my brother, Danny, helps me sort out some of my issues. One time I remember being able to help him work out his issues with our families. My brother was about to cry \vhen he told me about his insecurity about being adopted. I was the only he could really talk to about it.

“Hey, Misha, do you think that Anitra will take us away from our families?” he said.

“No, Danny, she won’t do that. She is just trying to get back in our lives and see what she missed in the past years,” I said.

“But Misha, I’m really scared that she might...,”

“No, Danny, she is not going to take us. She already has Rickie to take care of I don’t think that she needs two more teens in her house.~~

“You’re right Misha. I’m so glad that you are my sister.”

“Well I’m glad to be your sister and will always be there for you.”

All that time he had been scared that someone would take him away. I was glad that I was the person that he wanted to talk to. It was natural that Danny would feel scared of Anitra, whom he hardly knew. Adopted kids need to talk about their insecurities, even if their fears are imaginary.

I have come to realize that being adopted is a big part of my identity. I have two families and I can have traits from both. On Alice’s side, I learned to be political and liberal. Because of her, I care about what happens to our society. Alice is a big book reader, and so I love to read books and other possible things to read. On Anitra’s side, I got her toughness in playing sports

and being a tomboy. I also have my own traits. I love to sing, act, dance and write different stories. Anitra says I got that all on my own.

While I was in middle school, we went to England. It was the first time out of the United States. It was a really long flight. I was surprised to see all the Burger Kings in London. We went to Salem, England which had witch burnings. We heard stories about how they would torture the witch’s family to force her to confess to being a witch. I could see the ghosts around the little courtyard, floating around. They sure seemed real to me. We went to museums and churches in Bath. I saw Edenborough, the “sexiest castle in the world,” according to our tour guide. This castle was the only castle that survived the war in Europe. We picked a beautiful sunny day to go to Stonehenge. I was in awe. How could they move these massive stones? The grass was totally green. The scene was picture perfect. All in all, it was a great trip. We got to know our tour guide pretty well. Our teachers loosened up a bit there, too.

After the trip to England, a devastating thing happened. My dog, Gracie, died. We were all in my mom’s room watching a movie. We heard a howling noise, like air out of a balloon. I ran to Gracie and listened to her heart. Her heart beat was gone. I shook her, “Gracie, wake up!” She didn’t respond. I looked up at my mom with tears in my eyes. “She died,” I told my mom. Then I ran out of the house to my neighbor’s because she worked at the vet. She came back with me and my mom put Gracie in a plastic bag in the garage until we could cremate her. I felt like I had failed her because I didn’t save her. I slept all the next day, right through my friends’ eighth grade graduation.

In eighth grade, our class went to Mexico. I remember it being very hot there. The Mexican people couldn’t understand us and we couldn’t understand them. We learned sewing from them. We went to farms and helped them with the animals. Of course, I was drawn to the

animals. I learned that there are many Aztec and Mayan landmarks there. I also brought back a ceramic cup and plate for Mother’s Day. It was a good way to end my years at B.M.S.

High school can be very scary for a ninth grader, especially if one is overwhelmed by school work. Soon I found out that the work load was not that bad. I had very nice teachers, such as my World Civilization teacher Mr Brody. He had a slight stutter when he talked. The great thing about him was that he made history fun and taught us with projects, not just lectures. My worries about fitting in soon evaporated. I knew some of the students there before I even went to the school. I also met friends of friends, most of them were guys. I found out that I have an easier time talking to guys than girls. The friends I made at Arrowsmith are still my friends today.

Summer vacations are usually meant for hanging out on the beach or chilling with friends. For me, I had to work. 1 got ajob in San Francisco on Pier 39, the busiest tourist attraction ever. I worked at Magnetron selling magnets and trinkets. It was a busy place, but I enjoyed it. I made friends quickly, which made it fun. I got used to riding to and from work on BART and MUNI. Public transportation can be a real drag.

In the fall I had to go back to school. Arrowsmith was going down hill for my next two years there. Favorite teachers were being fired or they left because of the strain. I started to care less about my new teachers. It was hard to get close to teachers who might leave, too. Drama and singing stand out as high points of those years. We had plays that were written and performed by students. I could feel the rush of excitement when I was on the stage. My friends turned out to be very good play writers. The chorus group I was in had the usual series of teachers. Each of them taught us different ways of improving our voices. I learned how to control my voice without straining it on the high notes. I found out that I could expand my

singing range. Singing is something I will always do.

I worked very hard in my junior year. I had ajob at an anime store, plus I had classes for the SAT’s. Everyday after school I had to go to work until 6:00pm. On the weekends I only had time for my homework and my SAT classes. I had no social life that year. It was very strenuous for me Getting sick most of the time put me back a little from my classmates. It was a relief when I took the SAT’s because I had less stress. The year culminated in a dramalsinging performance. I was very relieved when it was over.

I have always been interested in cooking. I made lots of cookies for birthdays and fund raisers. For “culture day”, I made latkes for the ‘jew room.” My mon and 1 are famous for our Hanukkah parties that we give every year. Sometimes, I plan and prepare special dinners for friends and family. Lasagne is one of my signature dishes. Pecan pie I another. Thanksgiving wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without it.

Babysitting for my neighbors is always a pleasure. The kids always ask for me when it comes to their parents’ night out. It’s fun to play with them.

“Misha, you’re our favorite babysitter. We don’t have as much fun when you’re not here,” said a ten year old boy.

~I’m honored that you think of me as fun,” I said.

Besides being a source of income, they are so much fun. I feel like I will be a good mother.

One thing that still troubles me from the past is my knee injuries. The injuries started in sixth grade and have been ongoing ever since. The bones in my legs are not properly aligned, so my knees go out when I do a sport. It’s hard to miss out on life when I have to take care of my

knees. I have learned to be very cautious about how I move my body. Physical therapy has helped immensely. I will probably need physical therapy on and off for the rest of my life. Being immobile is awful. I would love to do all the sports I missed out on, like hockey and soccer.

In my eighteen years of life I have learned that I have gifts and challenges. My challenges are my learning disability and my weak knees. I know that I will never get over them, hut I know how to deal with them. My gifts are that I am a hard worker and care about people. I have shown that I am responsible at school and at work. I am me, and only me, and no one can change that.