My Lady

            by Jacob Friedman

 

            I don’t know why I have to wear this stupid thing.  It’s not comfortable.  Like those fancy folk who look nice but blister, I don’t really want to be in this.  I can barely move.  I’m glued to myself.  All the better I suppose; it keeps me from hurting anyone.  But I must look like a real moron. 

            At least the ground and the walls are comfortable, although they are very plain.  It used to be quite boring in here, until they let Ol’ Roger in.  He really makes me laugh.  He’s from some big city and he’s got the strangest accent you’ve ever heard.  A real deep voice and he says ‘l’s instead of ‘s’s.  What a character he is.  He’ll never look you in the eye; he just stares between your eyebrows like he’s trying to read your brain.  I wouldn’t be too surprised if he was.  In fact, I’m sure that’s what he’s doing.

            “Loow, tell me lam, what’ll life been like low fah?”  He says, focused on my forehead.  He’s a real nutcase if you ask me.  He should be duct taped, going around talking all that nonsense.  But usually, just when he starts getting on my nerves, he goes away.  Just disappears I swear on my mother’s grave I don’t know how he does it.  I always ask him to take me with him but Ol’ Rodge just gives me that blank stare and vanishes into thin air.  A rat bastard for leaving me in this place alone.  I’ll be happy to go to hell.

            How long have I been here?  At least a few hours.  I was 21 years old when I got here.  Now I’m… now I don’t know.  Can’t remember, since those fuckers threw some pills down my throat.  I told them no, and I put up a good fight.  I got one of their noses to drip blood.  Hit him with my forehead.  Maybe that’s why Ol’ Rodge always stares, he’s watching it, scared that I might attack again.  But I wouldn’t hurt him, he’s my friend.

            Speak of the devil, here he is now.  “Hey there Ol’ Rodge buddy, how the hell are ya?”

            “I been luper duper good lam, how boutcha lelf?”

            “Well I’d like to get the fuck outta here but you won’t take me with you, you ol’ sonuvabitch you.”  The doctor appears in the window, his thin round glasses and shiny bald head are instantly noticeable.  I can feel his beady little eyes probably telling me not to hurt Ol’ Rodge.  I have no intention of doing so.

            But all of a sudden Ol’ Rodge starts shaking, violently, and he falls down to the ground.  Something must be electrocuting him, or else some evil spirit took over his body and soul.  I try to help him, I punch him in the face to make him snap out of it but he won’t stop.  I try my hardest to kick the bad spirit out of his stomach but that doesn’t work either.  He just keeps on shaking.

             I have an idea.  If I pretend myself to be taken over too, I might confuse the spirit and make him stop.  So I drop to the ground and do like he’s doing, and all of a sudden the doctor comes in.

            “Help him!” I say.  But the fool doesn’t understand.  He instead comes to me, as if I’m the one with the problem.  “I’m fine, you fuck! Help Ol’ Rodge or he’s gonna die! 

He’s gonna die and I don’t know what to do, help him!” 

And his response is shocking and absurd, as his remarks often are.  “Sam, there’s nobody here but you and me, okay?”  I look over and Ol’ Rodge is gone.

“Okay, okay.” I have to agree with this guy no matter what.  Clearly Ol’ Rodge was just right beside me on the floor having a seizure, but I don’t want to disagree with this lunatic-made-doctor.  We used to get into long arguments over nothing, but then he said I could have more freedom if I was good.  Like anyone else, his definition of “good” is agreeing with everything he says.

“Now if you want to see your family, you’re going to have to stop that kind of thing.  You should know that you’re the only person staying in this room.  There is nobody named Ol’ Rodge, you just imagine him.”  Ok, guy, whatever you say.  I do want to see my family very badly.  I don’t know exactly who my family is, I don’t think I’ve ever seen them before, but I’m very curious.  I haven’t seen anyone but Baldy and Ol’ Rodge for quite a while.  Boy when people say they feel lonely they don’t know the half of it.

            So I sit in the corner and the doctor leaves.  The nice thing about this place is it’s very quiet.  I can sit alone and there is nothing to distract me.  I try to meditate but I never know if I’m doing it right.  I can’t stop thinking, “Am I doing it yet?”  So I don’t think I’m ever too successful.  Sometimes I think I’m already dead.

            Then Baldy opens the door again, but this time he’s brought a guest.  It’s the lady with long brown hair and the flower dress. She always walks in with a smile.  Oh how wonderful it is to see her face!  “Welcome, welcome, to my humble abode, my lady.  Please come in and feel right at home,” I say.

            “Hi Sammy, how are you doing?” Ah! Pure beauty has made its way from her heart and escaped out her mouth.  I can’t help the overpowering feeling her presence gives me.  I think I may be in love.  I’m wondering if Baldy feels the same way.  I watch his eye movement to see if he’s changed his manner.  My suspicions are correct; his lips now form a slight upward curve, and the way in which he shifts his eyes between me and my lady tell me he is envious. 

            I stare at him, and I know my lady is watching me.  “Excuse me Mr. Doctor sir, would you mind giving me and this beautiful woman some privacy please?”  I look to her for approval, and she sends a smile as usual.

            “Now Sam, if I leave this room blah blah blah blah blah?” Baldy asks looking over his glasses.

            “Yes sir, absolutely, indeed sir, thank you sir,” I reply with a grin.  I find that my responses tend to be equally as meaningful as that to which they are an answer.  So Baldy leaves the room.  “Finally a moment of peace and happiness.  The first for me since you last visited!”

            “Aw, you are sweet Sammy.  I’ve missed you very much, I’m sorry I couldn’t visit sooner.  How have you been?”

            “Oh, I am a bit lonely.  My only visitors are you, Ol’ Rodge and Baldy.  You’re my favorite, to be honest. I really enjoy your visits the most.”  My stomach feels tight.  I really adore her but I don’t know how to tell her.  Looking at her it feels like she is my life, but what am I to her?  Anything at all?  I plan to casually find out.  “What has happened since we last spoke?”

            “Actually I just got a new job at Cassville High School teaching English.”

            “Oh wow, that’s great to hear.  How do you like it so far?”

            “It’s okay.  I mostly enjoy working with the kids, but my co-workers aren’t very nice, and it can be a little bit frustrating.”

            “Who are the kids who you enjoy working with?  I mean who are they?”

            “Well they are all the teenagers who live in Cassville, I suppose.  They’re really great kids, very sweet and smart.”

            There’s something suffocating about the way she talks about these kids.  Who the hell are they anyways?  What makes them so great?  “Why am I not one of them!?” I accidentally yell out loud.

            She glances down at the floor and shamefully looks back up at me.  “Sammy,” she slowly says, “you know why.”  I do?  I don’t know what she’s talking about.  I’m really puzzled.  “But Sammy, you know that I love you very much.  You’ve always been special to me.”  Ah!  She has confessed her love!  There aren’t words to describe what I feel, so I stare into her eyes with a smile, certain she will comprehend my emotion. 

“Well, I do have some bad news.  Do you want me to tell you?”

            What?  I’m shocked and scared.  This better not interfere with our love.  “Oh, I’m so sorry.  Are you alright?  Please do tell me.”

            “Do you remember Alec, your brother?”

            “Alec?…  No, who is that?”  What does this other person have to do with us?

            “He’s your older brother sweetie, you don’t remember him?”

            “No.  Who is he? I mean how do you know him?”

            “Aw honey.  The two of you used to play soccer together, remember that?”   I shake my head no.  Through the window I see the fluorescent light reflect off of jealous Baldy’s head.  He’s watching us intently.  “Well Alec was just in a car crash yesterday, and he had to go to the hospital.  He broke his leg and had to have surgery, but they say he will be fine.”

            Suddenly I feel like I’m sinking.  I no longer feel love for the woman in front of me.  I don’t even know who she is, why would I think I love her?  “Who are you anyways?”

            “I’m your mother, sweetie.”

            I look in between her eyebrows and notice her usual smile.  I get up and head butt her in the face as hard as I can and she falls to the ground.  I put my knee on her chest and smash her face again, and again. I scream, “FUCK YOU!!!! FUCK YOU!!!!”

            Baldy rushes in the door and holds a toy up to me.  I lose control of myself and a shocking voltage makes me shake uncontrollably.  My muscles unusable, I fall to the floor in defeat.  My lady is crying, bleeding, and screaming some nonsense.  The doctor takes her out of the room as I lay on the floor powerless.  He can have her.  I don’t care.  Two men in dark blue open the door.  I don’t recognize them but they lift me up and take me out of the room.  I wonder where I’m going.  Perhaps I finally get to go to hell.