The Pie Eating Dinosaur

Once upon a time there was a man named Fritz. Fritz lived by himself in the city and often wished that he had a best friend that he could always count on. One day his wish came true when he discovered a magic genie’s lamp under his couch. When Fritz wished for a best friend, he did not get your average best friend -- he got Steve. Steve was a dinosaur. Fritz and Steve did everything together, from buying the groceries to going to movie theaters. They spent all summer living in Fritz’s apartment in the city, but when it became winter they realized that they had to move. A snowy city was no place for a cold-blooded dinosaur!

So they packed their bags and moved to Hawaii, a land of hot sand and palm trees. There they spent everyday lounging by pools and surfing in the ocean. Steve loved Hawaii.

Of course after a few weeks Steve grew tired of drinking tropical smoothies and swimming in the salty ocean. He longed for adventure and excitement, things he didn’t experience lounging by the pool. So he set down his smoothie, deflated his beach ball, and set off on a quest for adventure.  He wandered down the beach and looked for some kicks. There were children racing the waves and making sand castles. Adults lay in the sun dozing and rubbing on sun lotion.

Soon Steve grew tired and sweaty. Walking around in the sun was hard work for a dinosaur. He wandered into the shade of a palm tree and sat down to rest.  The palm tree was next to the patio of a restaurant and Steve noticed that quite a few people were gathered on the patio.

A huge sign hung off the side of the restaurant that read, “4^th Annual Coconut Cream Pie Eating Contest.” Steve walked up to a man at a table that happily signed him up for the contest. There was a long table lined with pies and Steve was pointed to one of the many seats. He was handed a bib and a napkin. A loud voice announced that they would be eating without their hands and to start in five, four, three, two, one…zero seconds! Steve smooshed his face into the pie and began to eat.

Steve finished the pie with two big bites as the crowd of people began to cheer. He had won the contest! A man handed him a trophy shaped like a cream pie and a lei. A few people patted Steve on the back as he smiled. Cameras flashed and reporters leaned in with microphones to get a quote from the champion.

A fat balding man approached Steve and shook his hand.  “Hi Steve, my name is Morty and I work for famous pie eating champions.  I’d like to be your agent.”

Steve stared back, “My agent?”

“Yeah, your agent. I’d call around to find contests for you to compete in and find talk shows for you to go on, all that kind of stuff. Here, I gotta go, but have my card. Call me if you would like me to represent you!” With that, Morty disappeared into the cheering crowd.

After much celebration, the crowd began to go home and Steve headed back to his hotel. He walked along the beach grinning. He had never felt better about his life. For the first time ever he felt like he had a purpose. He had been created, not to be Fritz’s best friend, but a famous pie-eating champion!

When he arrived back at the hotel room, he decided to break the news to Fritz. Steve quickly explained that he had to leave to compete in other contests and that they could no longer be friends. He grabbed his things and left before Fritz had a chance to realize what had happened.

Once he was outside of the hotel, Steve pulled out his cell phone and Morty’s business card. Morty answered after one ring and soon Steve was headed to the airport to catch a plane to New York. There were butterflies in Steve’s stomach as he boarded the plane. Looking out the window at the golden beaches of Hawaii, he wondered if he was making the right decision.

Hours later Steve was in New York at another pie-eating contest. This time it was New York cheesecake pies with strawberry sauce poured over the top. Steve ate forty-nine in five minutes, easily beating the reigning champion, a small asian man that had also dominated the hot dog eating contests.  

Over the next few weeks Steve took the nation by storm. He appeared on talk shows, magazine covers,, and Wheaties boxes. Numerous companies hired him for their commercials, including McDonalds, Applebee’s, Target, and Home Depot. Steve was famous. Everyday people begged for his autograph and he was constantly being followed by the paparazzi.

After a particularly tiring day, Steve went back to his condo to watch a movie. While he put in the movie he realized that he along in his huge home and decided to call someone over to watch the movie with him. He sat down and picked up the phone, then realized he had no one to call. For a moment, he thought about calling Fritz but it had been over a month since Steve had broken off their friendship.

So, he called Morty. “Hey Morty, what are you doing right now?”

“Steve, baby, I’m down at the club with some hot chicks! You should come down here. That Stella gal from Land Before Time and Godzilla is here!”

“I dunno, Morty, I’m pretty tired. I think I might stay in.”

“Psh, whatever, Steve. Talk to you later.” With that Morty hung up.

Steve sat back and sighed unhappily.  He wondered what Fritz was doing in Hawaii. Was he sitting by the beach sipping a smoothie? Or maybe surfing with the genie? The more Steve thought about it, the more he began to miss Fritz.

Finally after hours of thinking, Steve packed his things caught a taxi to the airport. He caught the first plane to Hawaii and thought about his best friend Fritz the whole way there. Once he arrived at the hotel, he took the elevator up to their floor. He walked down the hallway and stopped in front of their door. Two knocks later, Fritz opened the door.

When Steve saw Fritz he threw his arms around him and began to apologize. Of course Fritz forgave him and they went off to the beach to talk about Steve’s month as a pie champion. As they walked down the beach, Steve’s cell phone rang. It was Morty calling demanding to know where he was.

Steve said, “I quit!” Then threw the cell phone into the ocean as Morty cursed on the other end.

“Its good to have you back buddy.” Fritz patted him on the shoulder as they wandered down the beach, planning their next adventure.