Leaving Elk Grove

by Devante’ Crowell

Monday morning. Kinda cold but heating up because that’s just the way that Elk Grove is. I was walking Shannon to AP history. “I love you.” I said kissing her softly on the lips. It’s funny now that I think about saying those three words because of everything that has happened and the way that things ended up, but at that time it was how I felt. It was how we both felt. Sure five months isn’t that long but time doesn’t really matter when it comes to love. At least that was what I used to think.

I walked to class and saw Kelsey and Jake at the door. They didn’t know what happened and I found no reason to worry two more friends about my crappy life. I sat down next to Kelsey and right away she knew that something was wrong.

“You okay?” she asked, and right there I wanted to burst into tears and tell her everything. But I didn’t. I did what I always do. Put on a smile and say,

“Yeah. I’m fine.” And the day went on.

We’re five minutes into English and Mr. Androsky was telling the class about how I’m going to be playing the “Sweaty Stallion” in The Crucible. The class laughed. Since Kelsey and I always talked she ended up being my lover in the story, which made the situation a little bit awkward. But we both laughed knowing that Mr. Androsky was only joking. A T.A. came into the class and gave Mr. Andosky a note. He looked at it and said, “DeVante’. They need you down at the attendance office.”

I looked at Kelsey and then got up and walked to the office.

It was getting hot but there were clouds in the sky. I walked into the office and as soon as I opened the door my heart stopped. My mom was stood at the attendance desk. As I saw her I didn’t breathe for about three minutes. She had brought my sisters and my step dad with her. Anger, pain and hatred started to build up inside of me but I bit my tongue and the rusty metallic taste of blood trickled down my throat. The lady at the front desk called my name. At first I stood there because anger blocked out every sound but my own heartbeat, which was now going so fast that I couldn’t control my breathing.

She called my name again and this time I walked up to the desk. She handed me some paperwork and told me to have all of my teachers sign it. I walked out of the office and as I got outside I look down at the papers. “TRANSFER.” It said in bold black letters and even though there were a million other words there that one was all I saw. My eyes started to water as I got to the door of my class. When I walked in everyone in the room turned around, immediately realizing that something was wrong. I walked to Mr. Androsky.

“I need to use your phone.” I told him. He points toward the phone at the front of the room. I walked to it, sat down and dialed my aunt’s number. The phone rang. No answer. I dialed again. It rang three times before she picked up.

“Hello?”

“Aunty. She’s at the school.”

“I know I just talked to her. There’s nothing I can do. I know she’s trying to pull you out.” and as soon as I heard her say that I broke down.

“What do I do?” I asked.

There was a second of silence that seemed like an hour.

“You’re just going to have to go with her.”

I sat there silently. Kelsey looked in my direction but I refused to look her way knowing that I’d only break down again.

“Hello?” she asked

“Okay.”

I hung up and then walked out of the classroom. There were still clouds in the sky.

I walked back into the attendance office and looked at my mom.

“I’m not doing this.” I told her.

“You don’t have a choice DeVante’.”

“What’s the point of taking me out of Elk Grove Mom? Give me a reason!”

“I don’t have to explain myself to you,” she said.

“There’s no point! I’m doing fine and now you want to take me out! It doesn’t make any sense!”

My step dad walked outside and I heard him tell someone to get campus security.

“I don’t have to explain myself to you DeVante’.”

“Well I’m not doing this.” I said putting the papers on a chair. I started to walk back to my class.

“Hey!” someone yelled. I kept walking.

“Hey DeVante’! Stop!” It was the campus officer. He caught up to me and stepped in front of me.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“I’m going back to class,” I said stepping around him. He walked faster and stepped in front of me again. There were a few campus security guard’s watching. I stopped.

“I can’t let you do that.” He said. “You’re going to have to come with me.”

We walked to his office and he sat me down at his desk.

“Wait here,” he told me, as if I had a choice to do otherwise. I sat there looking at the wall. The clock ticked and the ticking echoed in my head. I heard talking in the office and my name came up a few times. It seemed like an hour had passed before the officer came back in.

“So what happened?” he asked. I told him how my mom had kicked me out of the house and how I had been living with my girl friend for the past week still going to school.

“Well she has you marked down as a run away,” he said, looking at me.

“That’s a lie,” I said. “I didn’t run away. She kicked me out.” He looked at me and then got up again.

“Wait here.” He said and again I sat there listening to the clock for what seemed like an eternity. The officer came back and told me to follow him.

“I need to get my stuff from my class.” I knew there was no way to avoid leaving the school and that passing period would be my only way to see Shannon and tell her what was happening. He looked at me.

“Okay,” He said. We walked out of the office and as soon as we did the bell rang. I walked a little faster than usual, wanting to catch Shannon before the officer could do anything. As soon as I got to the end of the portables where my class was I saw her. I walked up to her and held her. She had a confused look on her face and as soon as she saw the officer next to me that confusion turned into worry.

“What’s wrong?” she asked.

“They’re taking me away. My mom’s here and she’s taking me away,” I said almost crying into her arms. She held me.

“Just go with her. There’s nothing that we can do right now but we will. I love you.” She said not fully realizing that I wouldn’t be coming back. I looked at her and knew I couldn’t say anything else.

“Okay.”

I let her go and watched her walk away.

As I came into the classroom Mr. Androsky called me.

“DeVante’.” He said.

“I don’t know what’s going on but I hope you get through it and let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.”

“Thank you.” I told him and I hugged him.

I picked up my bag and walked out of the class. We walked to the band room so I could turn in my trumpet. Mr. Sebastian looked confused. I gave him my trumpet and he gave me a look that said, “What’s going on?” I shook my head and walked out. The officer took me to the front of the school where my mom’s car was parked. She stood at the door of the car as I got in. As we drove away from the school lyrics from the song “Decode” repeated in my head. “How did we get here? Well I used to know you so well.” Again and again I thought to myself, ‘How the hell did I end up in this situation?’ I looked out the window as we drove past McDonalds, Taco Bell, and all the regular afterschool hangout spots.

The car was slowing down and I realized the door was unlocked. My heart started to pound and I could feel it banging against the walls of my chest. Without thinking I pulled the door open and jumped out. I stumbled out of the moving car, almost breaking my leg in the process. I grabbed my bags as I fell out of the car, scraping my knee, and walked into the street. There were cars going by me but the only thing that was going through my head was to get away from my mom. I crossed the street ignoring the honking cars and confused spectators who watched me. As I walked my step dad pulled the car in front of me, nearly hitting me.

“DeVante’ get in the car!” my mom yelled

I ignored her walking around the car and going into a near by parking lot. My step dad got out and started to follow me.

“Get over it!” he yelled.

He kept yelling it and every time he did the words stabbed at me like millions of tiny needles. He said this again and again and still the words hurt as I think about them.

I started to walk toward where a couple of grocery stores were realizing that my step dad wasn’t going to stop following me.

“Get over it!”

I laughed. How could I get over this? How the hell was I supposed to get over the fact that my whole life was being taken from me? I didn’t even know why my step dad was in this debate between my mom and I. I knew that he was just an annoyance or an inconvenience that just made my whole situation worse. He was the annoying little fly that always stuck around, buzzing in your ear when you didn’t want it to.

“Get over it!”

I tried to get a distance away from him, going behind a building and cutting back as he tried to cut me off on the other side. I walked across the creek that was behind the stores and went into one of the neighborhoods. My mom pulled up alongside of me, telling me to get into the car again. I ignored her and crossed the street. I went through a path behind a few houses that led me to a park. I kept walking and ended up on the field of Kerr Middle School. I remembered the days where I walked to school and looked over at the field seeing the middle school kids playing before the school bell rang. ‘Why couldn’t life be as simple as middle school?’

I went through the parking lot behind the field and looked up at the sky. The clouds were still there, the sun fading behind them making them glow like a lamplight. As I looked ahead of me again I saw a cop car pulling into the parking lot. I walked out of the lot and passed the cop car. The officer got out and called my name.

“DeVante’!”

I kept walking. It was the same officer from school. He got out of his car and called to me again.

“DeVante stop!”

I started to walk a little faster but then another officer pulled up in front of me. The officer from school came up behind me. He grabbed my arm.

“Come on man. Don’t make this harder than it already is.”

I looked at his hand as he held my arm. I wanted to rip away from him but I knew that if I did it wouldn’t end well. All I could think was that he’d shoot me if I tried to run, and death wasn’t really an option for me. I wouldn’t be able to bear it. Kaylei wouldn’t be able to bear it. Shannon wouldn’t be able to bear it. I stood there as the other officer walked over to us.

“You want me to take him?” he asked

“Can you? I need to talk to the mother,” the campus officer answered

“Sure.”

He handed me to the other officer as if I was a prisoner. In this case I was. He put me in the backseat of his car. ‘Great.’ I thought ‘Now I’m in the back of a fucking cop car.’

“Just pull into the parking lot while I talk to his mom.” I heard the campus officer say over the radio.

We pulled into the parking lot and sat there. The car was silent and then the campus officer walked to the driver side window.

“So what’s going on?” he asked the campus officer

“Apparently they’re taking him to Berkeley. We just have to wait a few minutes for them to get everything situated.”

They talked and joked and all I could think was that they really didn’t care. ‘Fuck my life.’ I thought and everything started to build up in my head and I wanted to cry. The fights, the losses, everything just went bad and I didn’t even know why. All I could think was that it was my fault but I couldn’t find a good reason why it would be. Sure I wasn’t doing my best in school but it was way better than before.

The campus officer went back to his car.

“What’s your name?” the officer in the front seat asked

“DeVante’.”

“So I want to hear your side of everything. It says in the report you ran away. What happened?”

“She kicked me out. We got into an argument about school and she wouldn’t listen to me and when I tried to speak up she told me to get out.” I told him “I stayed with my girlfriend for a week and I still went to school and my aunt lives out here so it doesn’t make sense that she’s making me leave.”

“Stuff like this happens all the time.” The officer said as if that was going to make my situation any better.

“Do you play any sports?”

“Yeah. Football,” I said not knowing what this had to do with anything that was happening.

“I figured you did. You look like the linebacker type. What position do you play?” he asked me

“Linebacker.” I said and smiled. It was the first thing that made me smile since everything started happening. The officer laughed.

“Look I don’t know which story is true but you seem like a good kid. The only thing that I can tell you is that there’s no way you can stay out here. Your mom has custody of you and it seems that she has her mind set on where she wants you to be. My advice is to just go. Things have a way of working themselves out. Just stay focused on school and football and you’ll be fine. Who knows? Maybe someday I might see you on the NFL or something.” He smiled at me. We both laughed.

He opened the back door as my mom pulled her car up behind his

“Just keep your head up kid. Nothing ever stays bad,” he said shaking my hand.

I walked to the back door of my mom’s car and before I got in I looked up at the sky. The clouds were still in the sky with the sun shimmering behind them making a silver outline around them reminding me of the talk I had with my uncle a few days before.

“So all this was just because of the argument you guys had?” Uncle Baz asked

“Yeah. It’s stupid. And now she wants me to come to Berkeley to stay with Nick.”

“Damn nephew. What do you think?” my uncle said, looking at my brother

“I don’t have a problem with him living with me. I knew this was gonna happen but it’s his decision what he wants to do.”

“What do you want to do?” Uncle Baz asked me

“I want to stay in Elk Grove. I mean it’s not that I don’t want to be with my brother but I already started a life there after I had to leave another one.” I said

“Yeah I understand that. Let me tell you this neph. Your aunty isn’t gonna let anything happen to you and your mom isn’t just gonna dump you on your brother and leave you two. Leaving Elk Grove might seem like it’s bad now but there are good things that can happen. Remember this: Every dark cloud has a silver lining.” He told me.

“Thanks unc,” I said

I stared at the sky and then looked down at my sisters. I knew that they didn’t know what to think about the situation and felt horrible that they had witnessed it. ‘I’m sorry.’ I thought and got into the car. We drove past taco bell and all the other places again and as soon as we got to the onramp of the freeway I took out my notebook and wrote:

“Leaving with a memory put up to fade,

Only a dollar and a dream left to lead me on my way.

A heart broken, a head cracked open,

And not even a word has been spoken.

Going with a bleeding tongue,

Nothing to help. Nowhere to run.

The closest things have been pulled away,

Only God and my soul are here to stay.

And so I pray.

For the day I will be able to move on.

Because the now is the past and I’m Dead and Gone.”

Feb. 17^th 2009

Tuesday 10:12a.m.

Raining, Car Ride, Leaving EG

“Every dark cloud has a silver lining.” –Uncle Baz