The Life of a Jogger

by Trevor Wolf

Scene: Urban sidewalk with plenty of traffic, cars, pedestrians, etc.

Characters:

JOGGER: Young male, resembles a male model, listening to an ipod, jogging on city sidewalk.

MAN IN WHEEL CHAIR: casual attire, glasses, motorized wheel chair, looks healthy despite being in a wheel chair.

PARAMEDIC: males, standard attire.

JOGGER: (enters from right humming lyrics to song he listening to on his ipod)

MAN IN WHEEL CHAIR: (Enters from left, full throttle on electric wheel chair)

JOGGER: Goddamnit! It’s broken. I know it’s broken. My career is over.

MAN IN WHEEL CHAIR: Career? What career? You’ve only rolled your ankle. How bad could it be?

JOGGER: My Career as a professional jogger is OVER! I can’t believe. It all happened so fast! Oh my God, Look at the swelling! I’m going to sue you! You pushed me!

MAN IN WHEEL CHAIR: Now lets be rational. I didn’t push you. You just tripped and fell. Really, it’s not that bad. I can tell from a glance. It might be a sprained ankle, but I doubt that it’s anything worse.

JOGGER: Look at me! I’m DYING! How dare you try and place blame in my current condition? Do you have no remorse for what you have done? My career is over.

MAN IN WHEEL CHAIR: Remorse? I haven’t done anything! You’ve got to be crazy. Plus, do you actually think that jogging is a career?

JOGGER: There you go again, no regard for the well being of others.

MAN IN WHEEL CHAIR: Really? So, you’re saying that I’m the self centered one?

JOGGER: Well of course. I mean there I was, working hard at what I do best, and you attack me. Absolutely no regard for others, therefore, you’re selfish.

MAN IN WHEEL CHAIR: Whatever. I’m leaving. I’m really jus-

JOGGER: (interrupt) Leaving! You’ll be You assaulted me!

MAN IN WHEEL CHAIR: First of all, I didn’t assault you. Second, I have a REAL job that I need to get to. And Finally, you’re nuts. Out of your freaking mind. Insane. So bye.

JOGGER: WAIT! Fine…I didn’t mean that, you didn’t assault me. It’s just the heat of the day, you know? I need you to call an ambulance.

MAN IN WHEEL CHAIR: What! An ambulance? I already told you, YOU’RE FINE! At worst, you have a sprained ankle.

JOGGER: Well I already told you, the second I get a hold of my attorney I’m suing for everything you own. Call me a goddamn ambulance!

MAN IN WHEEL CHAIR: You know what, fine… Fine, I’ll call an ambulance. Where do you want to go? Morgan Jones Hospital in Downtown?

JOGGER: Sure, fine. Just call them alright.

MAN IN WHEEL CHAIR: (Picks up phone and calls hospital) Yeah hi, this is Dr. Morgan Jones. Yes, just like the hospital, can you put me through to Sally? Thanks.”

JOGGER: What!? You’re a fucking Doctor! FIX ME!

MAN IN WHEEL CHAIR: (Holds cell phone receiver and speaks to jogger) Yeah, I’m a fucking doctor. Now hold on, you said you needed an ambulance. (speaks back into receiver) Hi Sally, yeah I need an ambulance for this man I’m with. We’re on the corner of Madison and Hearst. No, he’s not dying. (Looks at jogger) As a matter of fact, I’m really not sure what his deal is. He’s over reacting quite a bit, but he wants an ambulance. Just to Morgan Jones, shouldn’t take long. Yeah, uh-huh. I know right? Well, okay, that’d be great. Thanks, I’ll talk to you later. Bye. (hangs up phone)

JOGGER: How can you be a doctor? Aren’t you, like, in a wheel chair?

MAN IN WHEEL CHAIR: Yea no shit. I’m in a wheel chair. Just because someone is in a wheel chair, doesn’t they can’t become a doctor.

JOGGER: Well I just haven’t seen one before. And I see a lot of people in my line of work.

MAN IN WHEEL CHAIR: Is that so?

JOGGER: Well, you see, being a jogger is a cross between an athlete and a supermodel. Lots of publicity and skill required. I’m the only the only pro in the entire city. Anyhow, it definitely exposes me to the reality of urban life. And I can tell you, you’re unique. I don’t see a whole lot of firsts anymore, but you are definitely the first doctor in a wheel chair that I’ve seen. You should be honored!

MAN IN WHEEL CHAIR: (Sarcastically) Wow. I totally am...

JOGGER: I know! Right? Almost nobody knows about us serious joggers, we often get mistaken for the leisurely type.

MAN IN WHEEL CHAIR: Well, I’m almost sorry, but I have to ask, how do you make…(pause) money? I mean, who needs joggers?

JOGGER: Please, who doesn’t need a good jogger? As the only pro in this city, pay isn’t too difficult to find. You see, this is quite a busy city. Plenty of hustle and bustle and traffic. Fortunately for me, as a full time pedestrian I have the full right of way! All it takes is for one of those taxis to be a little aggressive on the road, have it’s hood find its way into my pelvis, and bam! There’s 100k.

MAN IN WHEEL CHAIR: Wait, what?! So you run out into the street, purposely get hit by a car, and then sue the poor guy driving just so you can make a buck!

JOGGER: Well, it sounds easy when you put it like that, but yeah. I assure you, it’s much more difficult in reality. It requires quite a bit of skill…

MAN IN WHEEL CHAIR: (Stares in disbelief) Wow, do you know what ethics are?

JOGGER: Isn’t that a shoe company? Ethics... No, I have the Athleta’s, much higher performance if you ask me.

MAN IN WHEEL CHAIR: Wow…You’ve got to be kidding me…

JOGGER: Random much? You’re a funny one. Anyway, I have an attorney, ill probably call him on my way to the hospital. Any preferences on the court time?

MAN IN WHEEL CHAIR: What? Court time?

JOGGER: Yeah, court time. (stands up, brushes self off) Of course they’re always busy, so it won’t be until a couple of months. Usually I’m a real handful about this, but since you’ve taken this pretty well, I’ll help you out, try and work with your schedule.

MAN IN WHEEL CHAIR: Are you joking?

JOGGER: Nope.

MAN IN WHEEL CHAIR: You’re out of your freaking mind! You just told me you’re a scam artist!

JOGGER: Why so harsh now? I already told you, I’m a jogger. Please, scamming is a completely different profession. (Siren sounds in the distance) Anyhow, sounds like that’s my ride. Talk to you soon?

MAN IN WHEEL CHAIR: Yeah, (takes a deep breathe and composes himself) you bet I will.

(Ambulance arrives. Paramedic walk out.)

PARAMEDIC: Hey there Dr. Jones, what’s going on?

MAN IN WHEEL CHAIR: Hey Steve. Just a little trouble with this jogger.

PARAMEDIC: Yeah, what’s up with him? Is he the one you call the ambulance for?

MAN IN WHEEL CHAIR: Yeah, he’s something else. He just finished telling me how he was going to sue me and the hospital?

PARAMEDIC: Whoa! Bold. Well good luck with that. He’ll need it. I guess he didn’t figure out that you are the hospital?

MAN IN WHEEL CHAIR: No, of course not. I mean, I hardly mentioned my name, but you think would he would have picked it up after I mention my name and hospital in the same sentence. Anyhow, it’ll be fun to see who he brings to court.