A Pleasant Evening

by Tai Vogel

Characters

Veronica: A young waitress. She talks very fast, except for when reciting the few lines she is given by the restaurant owner, her father.

Bill: A man in his fifties. Upper class, but not in a mean way. He’s only a little snooty.

Sarah: Bill’s wife. She’s basically the same as Bill, but more patient.

Scene

A fancy restaurant. There are tables of two and four set with red tablecloths and candles. The lighting is on the darker side.

~

Veronica, a young waitress, approaches a table with a couple. She smiles as she takes her notepad out of her apron pocket.

VERONICA: Hi there my name is Veronica, welcome to La Pointe. Are you ready to order?

BILL: Not quite, we just got here.

VERONICA: Oh sorry! I’m supposed to ask you if you’d like anything to drink first. Oopsies! Would you like anything to drink?

BILL: That’s alright. I’ll just have a glass of Pellegrino. (He turns to his wife) And you Sarah, dear?

SARAH: I’ll have a glass of your best wine.

VERONICA: ‘Kay then. A glass of Pellegrino and a glass of wine coming right up.

Veronica writes slowly on her notepad. We see a projection of the notepad in the background. The “i”s are dotted carefully with hearts. She walks away and the couple chat about nothing in particular.

Veronica comes back a few seconds later with the drinks in hand.

VERONICA: Here you two are. One Pellegrino and one wine. (Veronica spots the necklace on Sarah’s neck.) Oh my god. I love your necklace! It’s way too cute! Can I touch it?

SARAH: Sure sweetheart.

Veronica touches and admires the necklace.

VERONICA: I’ve always wanted a necklace like this. It’s way adorby.

SARAH: Adorby?

VERONICA: Adorable, duh. Oh my god, I totes forgot. May I take your order?

BILL: Yes, I’ll have the steak frites, and she’ll have the house salad.

VERONICA: Oh, ordering for your wife huh? That’s iffy. (Turns to Sarah) Are you sure that’s what you really want?

SARAH: Yes, I’m quite sure.

VERONICA: ‘Kay then, just checking. You never know what’s actually going on when a husband orders for his wife, you know? I mean he could totes just be a really bad person or something, not that you are sir, but ya know what I mean?

SARAH: Um, sure.

VERONICA: Thank you. Your order will be up shortly.

Veronica walks away through the kitchen doors.

SARAH: She’s sweet.

BILL: Mhm, right. I hope our food comes soon.

Veronica walks back in slowly while precariously balancing a tray on her palm. Bill and Sarah watch her very slow progress.

VERONICA: (Finally arriving at the table) OMJ! That was a long walk. I was super scared I was gonna drop your food. That would not have been good, right?

SARAH: (As Veronica sets down the plates) I’m sorry, but did you say “OMJ”?

VERONICA: Uh, duh. What, you don’t know what OMJ means?

SARAH: No. I’m afraid I don’t.

VERONICA: Oh my Jonas. Duh! Where have you been? Do you like live in a hole?

SARAH: But what does Jonas mean?

Veronica stands there in absolute shock for a few seconds.

VERONICA: You did not just ask me that. Jonas is God. Obviously. The Jonas Brothers is only like the best band ever! I’m like totes in love with them, but Joe is defs my fav. My bestie likes Kevin, but I’m pretty sure he’s gay, even though he’s getting married or whatever. I mean, have you seen those Louis he carries?

Bill: I’m afraid we have no idea what in the world you’re jabbering on about. Will you please let us have our dinner?

VERONICA: Oh my god, I’m so so sorry. My daddy always yells at me for doing this. I just can’t stop talking sometimes, you know. It’s just that there’s so much I want to tell people and I try to stop, but I can’t.

SARAH: That’s okay dearie.

VERONICA: You are just too sweet. Please enjoy your dinner.

Veronica walks away and the couple chat while they eat.

2 seconds later

VERONICA: How’s everything going so far?

BILL: We just started eating.

SARAH: Bill! Everything’s fine dear. Thank you.

VERONICA: Oh of course. Just wanted to check in. You know, sometimes when you don’t check in customers get mad. And then Daddy gets mad. It’s not very fun.

SARAH: I can imagine that it wouldn’t be fun.

VERONICA: Mhm. Sir, you’re awful quiet. Is everything okay with your meal?

BILL: Everything’s fine. I’m just trying to have a nice evening.

VERONICA: I totes get that. Sometimes I’m just kinda quiet too. Not very often though, I like talking. Like the other day I was just feeling kinda yucky. You know, just not all peppy, and my friends were like OMG what’s wrong. And I was like, nothing, I’m fine. But they were like, OMG what happened? They thought that Jake had like broken up with me or something. It was like ridiculous.

BILL: Okay. Goodbye.

VERONICA: Let me know if you need anything!

Veronica walks away.

BILL: Well she just won’t shut up will she?

SARAH: Bill, she’s just a young girl. There’s no need to be so negative.

BILL: As long as she doesn’t “check in” with us again. Let’s just get back to our nice evening.

SARAH: Yes, let’s.

They go back to talking.

Veronica doesn’t come to “check in” again. However, she looks over several times. Bill and Sarah acknowledge her to let her know that everything is okay.

BILL: Well that was delicious, wasn’t it darling?

SARAH: It was very pleasant.

BILL: Thank god that annoying waitress didn’t come back.

SARAH: Now Bill, I thought you were over that.

BILL: Sorry. (He waves his hand to Veronica) Oh, check please.

Veronica runs off stage and comes back on with a check.

VERONICA: Here’s your check! Is there anything else I can help you with tonight? Are you sure you don’t want dessert. The chocolate mousse is like to die for.

BILL: It’s fine.

VERONICA: Are you sure? It’s like really really good. I like the lemon sorbet too. I’ve only had it a couple times, but my bestie really likes it. She gets it everytime she comes here. She doesn’t come very often though because of her cheese diet. She only eats cubes of cheese. Like in “Devil Wears Prada”. That’s where she got the idea. But she doesn’t only eat when she feels like she’s gonna faint like the girl in the movie. Just a few every couple hours. But once in a while she let’s herself have a full meal. But the last time…

BILL: Will you please just stop talking!

VERONICA: Oh, sorry sir. Really, I’m super sorry. My daddy always says I talk too much, but I just can’t help it…

BILL: Stop being sorry! Just stop! Here’s my credit card. Just hurry up.

VERONICA: Okay sir, I’m really sorry about the talking. I’m mean, I’m not sorry. Well I’m sorry for being sorry.

Veronica runs away. She runs back on seconds later. Her face is splotchy from crying and she is looking at the ground.

VERONICA: Here you go. (Sniffles) Thank you for coming to La Pointe. We hope to see you again. (Sniffle) Hope you have a good rest of your night.

SARAH: Thank you sweetie. And don’t cry. Bill’s just a bit grumpy.

VERONICA: (Perks back up) Really? Oh good. I thought he was actually mad at me. I hate it when people are mad at me. It just makes me all sad inside. Have a good night!

Veronica skips off to another table and starts greeting her new victims loudly. The couple walks off stage slowly. Bill is still grumpy.

VERONICA: Hi there my name is Veronica, welcome to La Pointe. Are you ready to order? I mean, would you like anything to drink?