Men-In-Transition

by Madeleine Luckel

CHARACTERS

TAD: an 18 year old boy who has had some trouble with the law

ARNOLD: an 18 year old boy who is mathematically gifted but socially challenged

PROFESSOR WITDIM: A silver haired, snooty professor who thinks he’s smarter than he is…

SETTING

Tad has just arrived for his first day of college. However, he has mistakenly arrived at the MIT (Massachusetts Institute of Technology) campus instead of Men in Transition – a school for recently released juvenile delinquents. Both MIT’s happen to be within a block of each other; however this is not a mistake commonly made . . . .

TIME AND PLACE

The Present. MIT campus and lecture hall.

___

(Lights come on with Tad alone on stage. Tad bewilderedly looks around the campus until a bell rings. He stands agape at the beautiful foliage and impressive buildings around him. Suddenly, he is surrounded by power-walking students hunched over due to the weight of their backpacks. He is swept through the courtyard and into a lecture hall by the crowds of students.)

TAD: Whoa man! This place is like totally sick! (Tad says blocking others while looking up towards the ceiling with his mouth slightly agape.) Hey Dude! (to a small girl with unusually large glasses) Is this… (fumbling with a crumpled schedule) “Ready to rehab” Class? ‘Cuz, that’s like where I’m supposed to be, you know?

(The girl stares up at him and slowly backs away once she sees his multiple facial piercings.)

TAD: Um never mind, it’s cool man ….(muttering to himself and scratching his head) I mean, this looks like an intro class…maybe I am supposed to be here (looking up at colorful posters with math theorems) Mannnnn, I though Men-In-Transition would be hella grimy but MIT is kinda nice!

(Tad takes a seat towards the front of the class next to a student.)

TAD: (Turning towards the freshman) Yo man can you believe this place?!

ARNOLD: (Giving Tad a skeptical look he responds in a nasally voice) Yes. Indeed it is everything I dreamed it would be.

TAD: Really? I was like SOOOO mad when my Program Manager said I had to go, I was like about to fight him you know? But now that I see the facilities, man I see what you was talking about!

ARNOLD: (Giving Tad a judgmental look) My college counselor didn’t have to convince me, it has been my life goal to attend this prestigious institute since I was 8 years old. Indeed, I firmly believe MIT will allow me to have a prosperous and meaningful—

TAD: (Cutting in) 8 years?! DAMNNNNN you’ve been in the system hella long! Man, I first went in when I was 14. Say, what you in here for?

ARNOLD: Well, this is serious business - I had to get my goals set early. But I actually didn’t board at Manchester until I was 10. I guess I will never know for sure why I was selected unlike thousands of others, but I would guess it was due to the 2300 I got.

TAD: 2300 huh? Yeah I stole 2400! Whoa man we have like the same mind!

ARNOLD: (grumbling to himself) I should have gotten that too, especially compared to someone who says “stole” as slang for “scored” (continues muttering to himself)

(Suddenly the door swings open and an elderly man in his mid-sixties strides in. The room falls silent as the man in the tweed jacket approaches the lectern. He keeps his nose high in the air, even when flipping through the text book. In any other context, one might find this man amusing, but to this audience, he is pure intimidation.)

PROFESSOR WITDIM: (the professor announces in a possibly fake but definitely pretentious British accent) Good mooooorning claaasse

CLASS: (In unison) Good morning Professor.

PPROFESSOR WITDIM: Welcome to Intro to Theoretical Quantum Physics. Nooooww, I’m shall circumambulate the room while dispensing the syllabus. I do trust you have all read the summer reading, as we will be discussing it momentarily.

TAD: Dude, Arnie, what did he just say? Man I can’t even understand what that fool is saying!

ARNOLD: (Growing more wary and suspicious of Tad) Will you PLEASE be quiet, I don’t want to get on Professor Witdim’s bad side, I may need him to write a letter of recommendation for graduate school! And my name is Arnold. Not Arnie.

TAD: Fine Arnie, just tell me what “quantum” means.

ARNOLD: It’s Arnold.

TAD: Fine bro, Arnold. C’mon man, don’t be such a noob, Tell me!

ARNOLD: I shan’t.

TAD: (looking a little sickened)…..maybe you should go to the bathroom then…..

ARNOLD: No...I won’t discuss this with you.

TAD: (looking relieved) Ohhhhh! Man that’s a relief, I was thinking you were weir- I mean special-er than I thought. So tell me.

ARNOLD: You can’t be serious.

TAD: ummmmmmmm…………..…………I am.

ARNOLD:(he mutters) Blasphemy.

TAD: Hey man, there is no need to call me names….

(A confused look passes between them followed by awkward silence. Arnold gives in.)

ARNOLD: (Sighing) In this context, Quantum refers to motion.

TAD: Oooohhhh! I get it, like we’re moving on with our lives.

ARNOLD: Um…sure…

Rap! ( Professor Witdim’s walking stick slams down across Tad and Arnold’s desks.)

PROFESSOR WITDIM: Excuuuuse me, but have I been interrupting you gentlemen?

TAD: Um, kinda but I mean no worr-

(Arnold jabs one of his half dozen freshly sharpened pencils into Tad’s side.)

TAD: Ow man that hurt like a bitc-!

ARNOLD: (Luckily cutting off Tad) I am so deeply apologetic on behalf of both of us Sir, allow me to introduce myself to you Sir, my name is Arnold and I am interested in majoring in –

PROFESSOR WITDIM: Get on with it.

ARNOLD: Oh oh sorry of course! You see I was just trying to listen when Tad asked the most idiotic question I’ve ever-

PROFESSOR WITDIM: Well let’s hear it then if it was soooo important as to interrupt me.

(Arnold stutters in shock.)

TAD: O.K. man, so I was like, what does quantum mean? And then…

PROFESSOR WITDIM: Brilliant!!

TAD: Huh?

ARNOLD: WHAT?!?!

PROFESSOR WITDIM : Young man, you have pre-cisely intuited the discussion I was planning on commencing with. It is of the utmost importance to delve back to the most rudimentary part of our knowledge in order to be completely successful in this first endeavor. But I must say, in all my tenure, a student has never before foreseen this! Well done my boy, well done! Now, pray tell me, what are your thoughts on this matter?

TAD: Um…..well you know I was thinking, it’s just like my P.O. told me, in order to like live…you have to like….be moving on. And I mean at first I was like lady you wack, but now I see this place be hella nice, so I mean … maybe moving on is good for yo life? You know?

(A smirk starts to cross Arnold’s face. Professor Witdim looks at Tad discerningly for a long moment.)

PROFESSOR WITDIM: EXCELLENT! I must say I am quite excited for your learning expedition at MIT! The last student I had who neared your ability to intuitively grasp some of the most complex meta-physical and theoretical concepts of this course went on to garner two Nobel-

TAD: Cool man! That Jennifer Garner lady is hot!

(Arnold appears to start hyperventilating.)

PROFESSOR WITDIM: (continuing on neither noticing Tad’s comment nor Arnold’s condition) Perhaps you would be most interested in joining me on this summer to work with my team on our research grant! I know Oxford is a little far, but it might be just the thing to further ripen your intellect!

TAD: Oxnard? Man I just came from there! I am NOT going back. I mean, other than maybe visiting my Uncle who’s doing 20.

PROFESSOR WITDIM: No, no, Oxford.

(Tad looks at him with a blank expression.)

PROFESSOR WITDIM: . . . In England.

TAD: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh, I thought you was talking about Socal.

(Arnold flings up his hands and scoffs, hardly believing the situation.)

PROFESSOR WITDIM: (mainly justifying to himself in a soft murmur) I guess they do say Einstein didn’t know how to read for quite some time, perhaps this is a similar case. Even the most gifted adolescents have not necessarily been exposed to much real world experience…or geography…this poor lad must just not have been given the proper upbringing to nurture his educational development…yes, that must be it! (turning to Tad) Well, we would most certainly have an exceptional journey!

TAD: Mannnnnn, that sounds dope! And I heards those British girls are super fine.

PROFESSOR WITDIM: Well, I must admit, in my day I did meet quite a few minxes if I do say so myself (begins chortling and snorting to himself)

ARNOLD: But Profess-!

PROFESSOR WITDIM: Hush now Alfie –

TAD: It’s Arnie.

PROFESSOR WITDIM: Why thank you, so polite of you, my forgiveness Arnie.

(Arnold faints to the floor but isn’t noticed as Tad and the Professor continue to talk, and the lights go off.)

_____

The End