Goodbye, Chico

by Giovanni Guzman

Characters:

CHICO

PACO

LADY IN THE CAR

SETTING: Chico and Paco are standing on the middle of a road trying to figure out which way to go. After been on a car accident and their car been totally wrecked, they decide to take matters into their hands and go in the search of help. Paco starts acting weirdly and drives Chico insane.

CHICO: Paco watch out! No…(Loud crashing sounds are heard.)

CHICO: Damn, Paco, why you gotta be so damn slow to drive? Look what you did, you, moron!

PACO: What? Uh, say that again. (Paco stands there with a lost look on his face.)

CHICO: Man stop acting like you just lost your brain. I know you heard me.

PACO: Uh…what?

CHICO: (He slaps Paco in the back of his head) What the hell is wrong with you? Snap out of it already. Jesus Lord Christ Heaven Amen.

PACO: I’m sorry man. Please forgive me, I’ll pray with you if you want.

CHICO: Oh hell nah. What are you talking about? Each day I’m surprised by your stupidity.

PACO: (he gets on his knees and starts asking for forgiveness.) Please, I’m begging you, don’t hurt me anymore. I’ll give you my lunch money if you want.

CHICO: What did I do to deserve this? If the devil himself is hearing me right now, please take this crazy-ass man with you.

PACO: The devil? Oh, Chico, don’t say that. I don’t want to burn in hell. (he starts screaming in fear) Why would you even say that? I thought you was my best friend (Paco starts to cry.)

CHICO: If I don’t die today of insanity, may the Lord be the greatest for such amazing miracle. Come on, man let’s just start walking, maybe that’ll do you some good.

PACO: Umm, okay. Where are you taking me though?

CHICO: I got an idea. Why don’t I take to the nearest river and throw your ass in there?

PACO: No, don’t do that please.

Chico and Paco suddenly stop. While Chico thinks, Paco stares at the sky. A car approaches and Chico decides to go for it and ask for help.

CHICO: Excuse me, Miss. Would you be so kind to help us out? Me and my friend, well, that guy over there, just got in a car accident and we need to get to the nearest town, fast.

LADY IN THE CAR: Oh my god! Are you guys okay? That’s terrible, you guys should be more careful next time. How did it happen?

CHICO: Mam? I don’t wanna be rude but I believe I just asked for help, not for a damn questionnaire?

LADY IN THE CAR: But sir, I just want to make sure you guys are okay. Your friend doesn’t look so good…

CHICO: MAM! That guy is not my friend. He just some crazy ass man that

doesn’t even know where his own brain is at right now.

LADY IN THE CAR: Well excuse me sir. I believe you are asking me a favor but by the way you are talking to me you deserve nothing then a slap right to your ugly face.

CHICO: Oh hell nah! Lady, listen to me. I don’t wanna argue or nothing like that I just want a ride to the nearest town, that’s all. Please don’t make this harder on me than it already is. I have enough with one idiot already, I’m sure I don’t need two.

PACO: HEY, HEY, HEY! Who you calling an idiot? You’re an idiot, your grandma is and idiot.

CHICO: PACO! Shut your mouth!

LADY IN THE CAR: Excuse me, do not talk to him like that. He hasn’t done anything wrong to you.

CHICO: Does crashing a fucking a car don’t mean anything to you? Please, all I want is ride.

LADY IN THE CAR: Well, well, well. Not with your attitude you’re not getting a ride. How about we make a deal? Now you see I’ve been single for quite a while now. My love life has not been all that great ‘til this point. What I’m trying to say is, well, I like your friend. So my deal is, I’ll give you a ride if I get the privilege to talk to your friend personally.

CHICO: Are you kidding me right now?

LADY IN THE CAR: Excuse me! I am being serious.

CHICO: Okay fine, what the hell. I’ll tell my idiot friend to come talk to you right now. But you five minutes, then after that you giving me a ride.

LADY IN THE CAR: Yeah, yeah whatever.

CHICO: Paco come here please. Look, you see that gorgeous lady in the car? She wants to talk to you, like as in get at you man. How about you go over there and spit some game at her.

PACO: Not after you called me an idiot I’m not.

CHICO: Please, I’ll but you some ice cream after she gives us a ride.

PACO: Uuuuh ice cream! Yay, okay ill do it.

CHICO: Now just go up to her, and be like what’s up beautiful sunshine, and see what she says. Then just go with the flow.

PACO: Hey beautiful sunshine, what’s up? Wait it was the other way around. What’s up beautiful sunshine? There we go.

LADY IN THE CAR: You are so cute. Come, get in the car with me.

PACO: Okay.

LADY IN THE CAR: Don’t pay attention to anything your friend has said. Are you involved in any type of relationship right now?

PACO: No.

LADY IN THE CAR: Well that is jus marvelous couldn’t have been any better. Listen how about we get out of here and we go somewhere else. I’m sure you need some distraction right now and I got just what you need. Forget about your friend, we’re going to leave him here by his self as a punishment for treating us both like shit. So wave your hand at him cause now you’re in my hands.(Paco waves good bye to Chico and the lady blows him a kiss) Good bye idiot! Hope you learned a lesson.

PACO: Bye Chico I’m going with the lady. Bye

The Lady and Paco speed off in the car leaving Chico there by himself. Chico in surprise doesn’t know how to react. He is left with his mouth wide open.

The End