Ticking Timer

by Hannah Gradjansky

FRITZI- grandmother

SHEILA- mom, Fritzi’s daughter

JUDITH- Sheila’s younger sister

DAVID- Sheila’s son (5 years old)

Sheila and Judith are sitting in the Kitchen at the breakfast table drinking tea and chatting when the phone rings, Sheila picks it up on speaker phone.

SHEILA: Hello?

FRITZI: Hi Honey.

SHEILA: Oh hi. Where are you? You were supposed to be here an hour ago.

FRITZI: Sorry. I got sidetracked.

SHEILA: Really? Again?

FRITZI: You know what happens when I start cooking.

SHEILA: Oh no.

FRITZI: I started making kugel because I know how much little David likes it.

DAVID: (running in to the kitcken yelling loudly) Did I hear bobe say kugel?

Sheila glares at David.

FRITZI: (continues talking as if never interrupted) I got in the cooking mood, so I also made my famous matzah ball soup and a loaf of cinnamon challa, a mixed seeds one and a poppy seed.

SHEILA: Well hurry up. Patricia is already here. And the kids are getting antsy.

FRITZI: Ok. I am on my way. I just need to wait for the challas to brown. Fifteen, twenty, maybe thirty minutes.

SHEILA: Well then, I guess we will see you when you get here. Just please make it sooner rather than later. (Hangs up the phone. Turns to Judith.) Well according to the ‘Fritzi” clock, she will be here in at most thirty minutes. According to my clock it will be more like an hour till she get here.

JUDITH: Well this is a first. (Takes a sip of tea and sets the cup on the counter. Giggling comes from the other room.) Huh. That’s a funny sound.

SHEILA: What sound?

JUDITH: Sounds kind of like someone might be causing some mischief in the living room.

SHEILA: (peeks her head through the door way into the living room and then turns back to Judith) That’s interesting I don’t see any mischief in there.

DAVID: (comes running into the room with just a cape and underwear on, making zooming noises and climbs up on to the counter. Pounds his foot as he chants) Me want kugel! Me want kugel! Me want kugel! Me want kugel!

JUDITH: Hey you! You better get down from there before I get you.

David screams as he leaps off the counter and runs out of the kitchen, Judith runs after him. Sheila watches from the doorway as they chase each other around the living room. Sheila is startled and jumps when there is a knock at the kitchen door, and turns around to see who it is. Fritzi has arrived with arms full of food in bags and baskets)

SHEILA: Oh look Who decided to show up and its not even been thirty minutes since I talked to you. Looks perplexed You sure your feeling ok, mom.

FRITZI: I am fine. Now where are my little munchkins?

David comes running into the kitchen and slams right into Fritzi’s legs, giving her a hug.

DAVID: (excitedly looks up at Fritzi) Did you bring me my kugel?

SHEILA: Wow buddy. Slow down, take a deep breath, and how about saying ‘hello’.

DAVID: Hi bobe! Can I have my kugel now?

FRITZI: Come here, you have smootz on your face. (Holding David’s face and wiping dirt off his cheek) I need to heat it up first. So in the mean time why don’t you go play?

DAVID: (Looking Disappointed) Fine. (Runs out of the kitchen making zooming noises)

FRITZI: Someone has a lot of chutzpa. So, how are my girls doing? Judy, have you found a nice Jewish boy to marry.

JUDITH: Really, Mom? This is what we need to talk about?

FRITZI: There is no time to waste, you’re getting old and bobe needs herself some more grandbabies.

JUDITH: I turned thirty just two weeks ago. And now I am old?

FRITZI: Sheila, your Max must know some good Jewish doctors that need a wife. You should ask him to set up your sister on a date with one of his friends.

SHEILA: I will talk to Max and see what I can do.

JUDITH: Can’t you two just stay out of my life. I am doing just fine on my own. How about we talk about your grandkids.

FRITZI: Oh, what about Deborah’s son, Sam. He is a doctor. I had tea with her on Tuesday and she told me he just got back from a trip to Haiti with a group of doctors from his hospital.

JUDITH: How bout next topic?

SHIELA: Sam’s a great guy. Didn’t you date him in high school.

JUDITH: Wow, you are no help! That was high school. Anyways, didn’t he just divorced about two months ago?

SHEILA: (crashing sounds come from out of the kitchen, followed by kids yelling) Yes. I need to check on the kids, be right back. (Sheila leaves the kitchen)

JUDITH: Which means he isn’t on the market. The weather has been nice lately, hasn’t it?

FRITZI: I didn’t hear him say that.

JUDITH: (Frustrated) Mom, he just got divorced.

FRITZI: Doesn’t mean he can’t fall in love with my darling Jewish daughter. I will give his mom a call later and see if I can’t set up at least a coffee date for you and Sam.

JUDITH: (very irritated) Mom, I am a big girl. I can fend for myself.

FRITZI: I am just trying to help you find a suitable husband.

(Sheila returns and takes her seat)

JUDITH: You can help me by leaving changing the topic to your grandkids and not talking about my love life.

FRITZI: It’s just…

JUDITH: No “justs”. (Being superficially excited) I was looking at my calander earlier, and saw that David and Rachel’s piano recital is next Saturday. What time does it start?

SHEILA: It starts at three.

JUDITH: Sounds great! I can’t wait to watch them, especially since its David’s first time.

(David comes running into the kitchen with a bucket over his head. He starts ramming his head into the wall)

FRITZI: (horrified) What is he doing?

SHEILA: (not alarmed at all by David’s actions) Oh, he does that sometimes.

Judith starts laughing

FRITZI: Judy, stop laughing! You are provoking him. (Gets up, walks over to David to stop him)

SHEILA: Mom, don’t worry. He is fine. Supposedly it runs in the family. Max’s mom says Max use to do that same thing at this age and he turned out all right. David is just toughening up his brain, that’s all.

FRITZI: He is going to get a concussion.

JUDITH: Relax and take seat. If he hasn’t gotten a concussion do date, which Sheila is sure he hasn’t, he won’t get one today.

David suddenly stops banging his head into the wall, waits a few seconds, and then falls on the floor.

FRITZI: (looks very concerned, gets up and walks toward David) You said there was nothing for me to worry about and now he is hurt. (kneels down at David’s side and touches his arm) Are you ok?

DAVID: (pulls the bucket off of his head and looks up at Fritzi with a big grin) Kugel?

Judith and Sheila start laughing in the background. A buzzer goes off on the stove.

FRITZI: Looks like you are just in time for some kugel. (Gets up. Walks over to the oven and pulls out a pan)

(David climbs up on the counter, pulls out a bowl and pushes it towards Fritzi)

FRITZI: One big serving coming right up. (Takes a huge scoop of gugel and puts it in the bowl) Jump down from the counter.

David jumps down from the counter and runs to take a seat at the table.

FRITZI: Here is your kugel.

David starts to shovel the kugel down his throat.

SHEILA: Slow down, Buster. I think you are forgetting something.

DAVID: (Stop with spoon in mid air, just long enough to get his words out) Thanks bobe. (Continues to eat)

A phone rings, everyone looks around. Judith reaches into her purse and pull out a cell phone, quickly glancing at the screen.

FRITZI: Who is it?

JUDITH: (annoyed, because she thinks Fritzi has something to do with it) Sam.

Fritzi and Sheila give Judith a look of “I told you so.” Light fade to black.