The Video

by Rachel Contopoulos

CHARACTERS

Principal: man in his early-forties, wearing formal clothing

Mom: your average mother figure, mid-forties, dressed casual but put-together

Girl: teenager, wearing tight shorts, and a small shirt

SETTING

In the Principal’s office, there is a desk slightly to the right of center stage and a chair opposite it

Lights go on PRINCIPAL is in his office sitting behind his desk, MOM is sitting across from him.

PRINCIPAL: Are you ready to do this?

MOM: Yes.

PRINCIPAL: Okay. (points remote at invisible TV screen, both turn their chairs to face the audience to look at the fake screen) We have recorded your daughter’s activities at school and outside of school for Friday and Saturday as part of our social experiment. This footage was acquired with the help of several students “spies” if you will, and in order to protect their identities, we will not be releasing their names. We thank you for participating, but before we continue I need to know that you won’t hold the school accountable for anything you see in the next few minutes.

MOM: Sure. I can do that.

(PRINCIPAL points remote at screen again)

PRINCIPAL: Okay, this is as the day begins, right before first period.

(MOM smiles and nods watching the screen, then her face turns to anger/shock)

MOM: Is she talking to a boy?!

(MOM turns to glare at the PRINCIPAL then returns her glare to the screen)

PRINCIPAL: Well yes ma’am, as a senior in high school, I’m sure she talks to many boys.

MOM: Uh! She’s laughing. She’s laughing! Does she like him? Are they dating?

PRINCIPAL: I don’t know ma’am.

MOM: Oh my god, they are. (sighs and closes eyes then sitting up straight, opens them wide again) Oh my god, she’s pregnant!

(PRINCIPAL gives her an uncertain look)

PRINCIPAL: No, I’m fairly certain she isn’t. Is this too much for you to handle at the moment?

MOM: Does it look like it’s too much for me to handle? (eyes bulge)

PRINCIPAL: I feel like you expect me to say no…

MOM: That’s right!

PRINCIPAL: Okay then, we’ll move on. (points remote) This is passing period.

MOM: Wow, that’s a lot of kids. Where is she? ...Oh, there she is… Did she just… shove that kid out of her way?

PRINCIPAL: That kid is little Johnny, our shortest freshman here at Berkeley high, so yes, I’m sure she did just throw him against the wall.

MOM: Oh my.

(Pause. BOTH watch the screen.)

PRINCIPAL: Now we’re in her science class.

MOM: (mutters angrily) She’s sitting next to boys. (PRINCIPAL rolls his eyes.) Look at her giggling and…and touching his arm. She is touching his arm! (Music plays in the background. MOM looks around alarmed.) What’s that?

PRINCIPAL: That’s coming from the video ma’am. (indicates screen) Those are the morning announcements.

MOM: Oh, I didn’t know you had announcements!

(Silence. MOM appears to be listening intently.)

MOM: Vagina Monologues? What is- Condom Club?! (pause while she listens.) Free condoms? (yells loudly)

(MOM glares and PRINCIPAL looks a little worried.)

PRINCIPAL: Maybe we should fast forward a bit. (PRINCIPAL points remote at screen. MOM huffs angrily next to him.) Okay, this is the lunch period.

MOM: Ew! She eats in that dirty park?

PRINCIPAL: No, I think she’s just dropping by to pick up some food.

MOM: I pack her lunch. She doesn’t need other food.

PRINCIPAL: Ooookay then. We’ll she’s leaving the park now.

MOM: Hey! She just threw her lunch away! How rude. Oh, but she’ll eat the brownie her friend gave her. Fine. That’s just great.

PRINCIPAL: Yes, there are plenty of baked goods in the park.

MOM: (looks confused) What?

PRINCIPAL: Never mind.

MOM: Where is she now?

PRINCIPAL: She’s at the campus green. That’s the barbeque club.

MOM: Are those boys cooking meat without shirts on?!

PRINCIPAL: (unhappily) Yes, they seem to like to do that.

MOM: And…Oh my god! Do you hear the lyrics of that song?

PRINCIPAL: Everyday ma’am.

MOM: That’s not good! That is…that is…bad!

PRINCIPAL: Mmm-hmm. (points remote at screen)

(Tick. Tick. Time passes. MOM has horrified expressions every so often.)

MOM: I can’t believe she slept though her last three classes. Or that she stuck gum to the underside of the table.

PRINCIPAL: Yes, there are some very artful displays under the tables around the school. Like colorful fireworks of germs.

MOM: (points to the screen) So this is after school? And she’s waking to the courtyard?

PRINCIPAL: Yes, she-

(MOM shrieks and points at the screen) 

MOM: Running naked people! Running naked people!

PRINCIPAL: Ah, I believe we are witnessing the sacred senior streak.

MOM: Oh god. Oh god! That is not pretty.

PRINCIPAL: Well, your daughter seems to be enjoying it. (MOM turns to glare at him) She’s clapping and cheering them on. (Gestures at screen)

(MOM makes noise of disgust and covers her eyes with her hands.)

MOM: Just tell me when it’s over.

(PRINCIPAL watches screen)

PRINCIPAL: Okay, new day. She’s getting ready for prom with her friends.

MOM: Hey! That’s not what I bought for her! What is she wearing?

PRINCIPAL: That would be a dress…a very short, tight dress that’s red and low-cut and-

MOM: Okay, that’s enough observation out of you! (pause) At least her hair looks nice.

PRINCIPAL: (sarcastic) There’s always a silver lining. (points remote at screen) They’re just arriving at the dance now.

MOM: It’s dark in there! And those flashy lights give me a headache. (pause) Ugh! Listen to those lyrics!

(BOTH watch in silence)

MOM: (eyes bulging) WHAT ARE THEY DOING? ARE THEY HAVING SEX?

PRINCIPAL:  No ma’am. They’re wearing clothes….I believe they’re dancing.

MOM: Dancing? That is not dancing. That is…inappropriate! (looks at screen) GET OFF MY DAUGHTER!

(pause)

PRINCIPAL: Calm down. (pause) Besides, I think she’s having a good time.

(MOM glares at him with a slightly insane look in her eyes)

MOM: Oh I’m sure she is! (enunciates next part very clearly) They are having sex!

PRINCIPAL: They really, really aren’t. You know what? Let’s fast forward through this. (points remote) Ah, here we are, the after party.

MOM: Where is she? Is the whole school there? Do they always dress like skanks?...Oh, there she is PLAYING BEER PONG! Oh my god, that’s a lot of beer! And- she’s really good. Beginners luck….?

PRINCIPAL: I think we both know that’s not luck.

MOM: Oh no. Oh no. She’s…“dancing”….again. And kissing….now she’s kissing…oh my god.

PRINCIPAL: (points remote) Well that’s it! Thank you for participating in this study. We have learned a great deal about student-parent honesty.

(MOM  has head in hands. Door opens and she looks up. GIRL walks in wearing very short shorts and a very small shirt)

PRINCIPAL: You’re supposed to wait outside…

GIRL: Oh. Hi mom. Why are you here?

MOM: (looks girl up and down) Ew. Ew.

(GIRL looks confused)

PRINCIPAL: Don’t mind your mom. She’s just gained a lot of new information in a short period of time.

GIRL: Um, okay. Well I’ll just go then… (starts moving towards door)

MOM: You aren’t going anywhere! (MOM stands up and grabs her by the arm) Come with me right now!

GIRL: I thought you said I’m not going anywhere.

MOM: (looks really angry) Don’t get smart with me! (turns to face PRINCIPAL) And you. (pause) We’ll be in touch. (stomps out of room dragging GIRL with her)

PRINCIPAL: (shakes his head and dials phone on his desk) Alright, send the next one in. (lights fade. Play ends)