Crescent Wrench

by Lauren Barkan

Dr. Mancini and three nurses are getting ready to perform the open hear surgery. However Dr. Mancini is deathly afraid of blood .Especially blood that is not his own.

Nurse 1: The patient is very academic do you still want to continue with the surgery?

Dr. Mancini: Yes, of course. Nurses please proceed to attach the patient to the heart monitor.

Nurse dose as told.

Dr. Mancini: Scalpel

Nurse 1: Check

Dr. Mancini: Crescent Rench

Nurse 2: Check

Dr. Mancini: Eyebrow tweezers

Nurse 3: Check

Dr. Mancini nervously begins to cut the skin right in the center of the chest.

Dr. Mancini: Oh-my-god. Look at. That is disgusting. How could something be so repulsive? I can’t look, nurse please finish cutting the skin.

Nurse 1: Are you okay, doctor?

Dr. Mancini: Says shaking and sweating profusely NO, does it look like I’m okay?

Nurse 2: Are you going to be able to continue with the surgery?

Dr. Mancini: YES don’t yell at me my head is spinning, nurse get me and Advil and a rum while you’re at it.

Nurse 2: Right away sir

Dr. Mancini: Jesus Christ nurse get me my god dam rum. Alright lets see now, nurse hand me the hammer we got to crunch threw those bones to get to the hear.

Nurse 1: Check

Nurse 2: Here is your rum sir is there anything else I can get you?

Dr. Mancini grabs the rum chugs it so fast you would think there was never any liquid in there in the first place.

Dr. Mancini: You forgot the Advil my head is still spinning, another rum would be great.

Dr. Mancini begins to crush the bones.

Nurse 2: Doctor your rum and Advil.

Dr. Mancini: Takes the Advil and drinks the rum. Thanks now hand me my wrench I can’t seem to get this bone to move.

Nurse 2: Check

Dr. Mancini: I just got to move this bone and then we can proceed to replacing the hear, nurse grab the skin would ya, I can’t touch this or ill pass out.

Nurse 1: Yes sir, but are you sure your going to be able to continue with the surgery there are a lot of bones blocking the heart I don’t know if I’m as skilled as you are.

Dr. Mancini: Thank you for your concern nurse you will be a great doctor one day, just like myself begins to spill rum into patient , I really just don’t know how I do it sometimes.

Nurse 1: Doctor? Um DOCTOR?

Dr. Mancini: What?

Nurse 1: You are spilling you’re um into the patient.

The nurses begin to give each other puzzled looks.

Dr. Mancini: Oh, shit your right, get me some cotton swabs that will soak it right up.

Nurse 1 and Nurse 2 go into the other room.

Nurse 1: Do you notice how strange Dr. Mancini is acting?

Nurse2: Um, no not really what are you talking about?

Nurse 1: I don’t know, I mean he is getting pretty drunk maybe we should tell someone

Nurse 2: I think he just works better when he is a little tipsy nothing to be worried about.

Nurse 1: Okay, if you say so

As nurse 1 and nurse 2 go back into the other room there is blood spraying everywhere. Nurse 2 is crying, Dr. Mancini is passed out on the floor covered in vomit.

Nurse 1: What happened?

Nurse 2 runs over to nurse 2 to see if she is okay.

Nurse 2: Talks very fast. Dr. Mancini started yelling at me about how his dog has cancer, and got so mad he stabbed an artery, I can’t handle being yelled at, I was not raised that way and the sigh of vomit makes me cry points to a pill of vomit next to Dr. Mancini.

Nurse 2: Its okay everything is going to be fine.

Dr. Mancini springs up off the ground and begins to slur his words.

Dr. Mancini: GET ME some cotton swabs tumbles slightly

Nurse 3: Cleary he is drunk what are we suppose to do I have not learned what to do after this point.

Dr. Mancini: Get outta my way I got this under control, no one needs to panic beings to remove the heart but instead of replacing it with a human heart he puts in a cow heart.

Nurse 2: Doctor you need to stop the artery from bleeding the patient has already lost half of his blood.

Nurse 1: Let me do it hand me the twisters

Dr. Mancini: No no no stop it that’s not right, lets just take it out it dose not need to be there.

Nurse 1: Take it out? Are you crazy?

Dr. Mancini: Um well excuse me who is the doctor here?

Nurse 1: You are but if I am not mistaken taking that artery out will kill the patient.

Dr. Mancini: Oh you be quite no one is going to die.

Nurse 2: Okay so lets get started I have to be at a nail appointment at three.

Dr. Mancini: Ah, thanks for reminding me I have to go therapy at three too.

Nurse 3: Shit I actually have to go now I’m going to get a ticket if I don’t move my car.

Dr. Mancini: Okay. Now hand me the needle and thread lets sow this man back up.

Nurse 1: Check

Dr. Mancini: Okay Nurses can you both hold the skin together I can’t touch this stuff.

Nurse 1 and nurse 2 grab the skin and hold it together, Dr. Mancini continues to sow the skin together until it is completely closed.

Dr. Mancini: Perfect we are done great jobs ladies.

Nurse 1: What about the patient?

Dr. Mancini: Oh he will wake up soon just leave him there.

Nurse 1: You don’t think that we should bring him to a different room?

Dr. Mancini: Sure go ahead but I got to run.