Why Did I Become a Teacher?

by Nubia Azuara

MATT – Obnoxious 9^th grader, who likes to get on the teachers nerves and he’s the class clown. He thinks he’s funny and everyone likes him.

MS. RAMIREZ – Teacher of the class, an alcoholic who is tired of her students. She

regrets becoming a teacher.

CARLOS – Also a student, gullible, likes to ask questions but they’re usually really dumb.

MONICA – The teacher’s pet, always doing her work and showing off.

JIMMY – Another student

Ms. Ramirez is standing by her desk. It’s her fist day as a teacher and she’s trying to teach her students about Government and their rights. Most of the students are chatting. Monica is sitting in the front facing the teacher and waiting to take notes, while Matt, Carlos, Jimmy are running around the classroom throwing a football. As the time goes by she starts to wonder why she became a teacher.

MS. RAMIREZ: Please sit down, and give me that damn football you little devils. (Walks towards Matt and takes the football) So today we will be talking about a very interesting top-

MATT: (Interrupts Ms. Ramirez) Sex?

MS. RAMIREZ: No, definitely not. But what’s your name again? Mateo? Mario? Who cares? We will not talk about sex today, but I'll keep that in mind. I might teach you guys about Social Living tomorrow, perhaps. I don’t want you young girls to end up like my cousin she’s only fourteen and she’s already pregnant. Girls this days and her boyfriend sure claimed he loved her. As soon as he found out he ran his butt back to Mexico but anyways. If only they had used condoms I gave her on her birthday. Maybe they were expired, anyways kids as they say “Wrap it, before you tap it”. (Takes a deep breath) Shall we start?

(ALL the girls look at Ms. Ramirez with their mouths wide open. They never expected to hear anything similar at school)

MATT: (He's really mad and he whispers) We don’t care about you niece, sister, cousin,

whoever that is. I demand you teach us about sex.

MS. RAMIREZ: And who arrrrrrrrrre yoooooooou again? The president?Are YOU going to make a change? I don’t think so. Kids like you should not have the right to attend school. But let’s talk about the Bill of Rights. I want you guys to learn a little bit about your rights. I wouldn't want you guys to get killed for reaching into your pocket. (Laughs sarcastically)

(Everyone looks terrified.)

MATT: (In a sarcastic way) Oh my god! Really? That's so awesome I can't wait to learn about MY rights.

(Starts to laugh.)

MS. RAMIREZ: Okay guys, enough! Especially you Miguel you need to quit it.

MATT: My name is NOT MIGUEL!

(She ignores him.)

CARLOS: I have a question! (Raises hand after interrupting the teacher)

MS. RAMIREZ:  (Looks really annoyed) Yes?........ Carlos...

CARLOS: Sorry..ummm... what is...uhhh.... Demuh-crazie??

MS. RAMIREZ:  Can you repeat that again, I didn't hear you. I think I’m getting old.

Yeah, I detect wrinkles on my face, oh dear Lord Jesus ! Senor Jesus! Que me pasa?

MATT: What in the world did she just say? … Ms. Ruh-mirez you’re just old, get over it.

You should be happy you soon will die.

MS. RAMIREZ: You ugly little kid, shut it. What’s your question again Christian?

CARLOS: IT’S CAR-LOS not Christian. And WHAT IS ….demuh-crazie? Is it a paper?

How do you eat that?

(Carlos looks down at his paper and stares at it, his stomach starts rumbling. Ms. Ramirez walks towards the board and writes the word Democracy.)

MS. RAMIREZ: What am I going to do with you guys? And it’s barely the first day.

Ughh, I believe you mean Democracy? And NO! It is not a paper. Stupid kids are starting

to get on my nerves, I think I’m breaking out from all the stress.

MATT: (Whispering) It’s probably all that damn chocolate you stuffed in your mouth this

morning before the bell rang.

(The kids laugh)

CARLOS: Oh yeah, that's what I said.

MONICA: D-E-M-O-C-R-A-C-Y. Should I say its the process by which the people are free to choose the man who will get the blame for everything that goes wrong in the country! Democracy.

MATT: (Whispering to the people next to him who immediately start giggling) No, it means I can do any fuckin' thing I want. One day I will become the President of the United States and all of you will have to listen to me!

MS. RAMIREZ: (Facing her students) Silence, do you guys want to know the definition of Democracy or not? Why didn't I become a damn stripper? It would have been a lot easier and less stressful.

(As she walks towards her desk and takes a seat, Matt starts cracking up. She's very disappointed and doesn't know what to do.)

MATT: We do not care about Democracy I don’t know what it is and don’t want to know what it is, now can we talk about something more interesting or do something fun. (Whispers) If you know what I mean??? (Giggles)

MS.RAMIREZ: MARCO, WILL YOU JUST SHUT UP!.... (She reaches into her purse and pulls out something that looks like a perfume bottle and takes a big sip)

CARLOS: Ms. Ramirez?

MS. RAMIREZ: (Looks really angry) YES, CARLOS! What do YOU want now? (Looks

at the bottle again and takes another sip)

CARLOS: (Surprised, and very serious since he really believes she's drinking perfume)

Are you drinking perfume? Is it good for you? I’ve never tried it.

MATT: (Turns towards Carlos) You should go smell her breath since you're so interested! You might as well go and try it…

MONICA: Ewww, THAT IS GROSS!

MS. RAMIREZ: (Irritated) No Carlos, I am NOT drinking perfume. It's uhh.. water. (Coughs) Now can we come up with something because you guys are diving me nuts. You guys do not care about your rights; it's fine I don’t care about YOU guys’ rights. So I guess we’ll just sit here for the next hour until you stupid immature kids decide to grow up.

CARLOS: She really doesn’t like us. But what did we do to her? What did I do to her? Everyone hates me! Why? Why? (Begings to cry)

(She gets up and starts walking towards the door, as she does everyone besides Carlos starts laughing and pointing at the red spot on her skirt.)

MATT: (Whispering) Look at her! She must be on her period.

JIMMY: Is that.. is that.. is that .. blood? (Faints and hits his face against the desk)

MATT: HAHA! That was hilarious, what a girl! It's not even blood.

(Monica gets really irritated because stupidity annoys her so she grabs her water bottle and throws it at Matt. The water spills all over his gray jeans. Ms. Ramirez walks up to Matt, puts her hands on his desk and gets in his face.)

MS. RAMIREZ: WHAT are we talking about? Why are YOU laughing Michael? (She grabs a magazine that happens to be on his. She then realizes it’s a playboy magazine) SO what is it this time Mich? Did you pee in your pants? Or what? (Whispers) Was it the magazine’s fault? Haha, nasty little kid. Why didn’t you go to the bathroom?

(Matt is really embarrassed now as the whole class laughs at him.)

MATT: No stupid, smarty-pants over there spilled her water on me.

MS. RAMIREZ: YEAH, RIGHT! (Walks towards her desk once again. She grabs her

purse, pulls out the bottle and takes a bigger sip this time)

(There is an awkward silence.)

MONICA: (Walks up to Ms. Ramirez’ desk) Ms. Ramirez, somebody put red paint on your chair and so your skirt has a red spot that look exactly like a period stain. You should go to the bathroom and try washing it off; I will make sure these immature kids do NOT do anything stupid.

MS. RAMIREZ: Thanks Monica, You’re a great student. And since you are so kind, would you mind passing out this test.. By the way, YOU’LL do really well on the test. You will have an A for sure. (Whispers as she walks away) You’re just as annoying as Matt is and you think you’re so perfect, it makes me sick to the stomach. It makes me want to puke. (Runs out the door as she screams) wait no it’s actual … (starts puking)

(Monica walks towards the front of the classroom and stands there.)

MONICA: Okay, so obviously this annoying lady is drunk and we don’t want her here. How about we hurry up and make sure she never comes back. Muahaha, let’s make it look like an accident.