The Adventures of Two Fools

by Lakshmi Vemireddy

There was a boy named Das. When he grew up as a fine young man, he took all his savings, along with the Ring of Seal of the Emperor, which he received from the Emperor himself some time ago, bid his mother farewell, and set out to the new capital.

He was very much enchanted with the pomp and show of the new capital. He escaped the crowd and headed towards the red walls of the palace. The palace gate was very richly ornamented - as beautiful a gate as he had never seen. Das wanted to enter the gate, but the guard slashed the air with his spear and stopped him from entering the gate.

"Where do you think, you are going?" asked the guard.

Das politely said, "Sir, I have come to see the King."

"Oh! Yeah, the King must be waiting for you, as when you would come?" the guard said sarcastically.

Das smiled at this comment and spoke "Yes, Sir, and now I am here."

Das said further,” I am sure you must have fought wonderfully well on the Emperor's frontiers, but do not risk your life by stopping me from entering the palace."

The guard kept quiet for a moment, and then said courageously, "Why do you think so?”

“I will chop off your head, if you do not stop talking nonsense."

Das was not going to accept his defeat. He showed Emperor’s Ring of Seal to the guard.

Having seen the seal, the guard couldn't say a word. He had to admit, although he was not willing to do it. So the guard thought and thought,

Then he said to Das, "You can go in on one condition."

"What?” Das asked.

The guard said, "Whatever you will get from the Emperor, you will share with me half of that.”

“Agreed," Das smiled and the guard let him go inside.

He went on and on, finally he could see the golden throne on which a man of simple elegance was sitting. He quickly recognized him as the Emperor. Pushing everyone aside, Das went further and prostrated himself before the Emperor, and said, "May your shadow always grow, O Full Moon."

The Emperor smiled and asked him, "What do you want. O young man?"

Das rose to his feet and spoke, "Sir, I have come here at your command."

And he handed over the Ring of Seal, which was given to him by the King so many years before. 

"That's a good boy, now what do you want? What is your heart's desire? Tell me, I will try my best to fulfill it."

Das remembered his promise with the guard, so he asked the Emperor to punish him with one hundred whips.

The King was surprised to hear that, "But how can I do this to you, you have done nothing wrong."

Das said politely, "Sir, please do not go back from your promise of fulfilling my heart's desire."

So with great unwillingness and mystified mind, the Emperor ordered one hundred whips on Das’s back. To the surprise of all, Das took the strokes without uttering a word.

After the fiftieth whip, he suddenly shouted, "Stop now."

The emperor asked, "Why? What happened?"

Das said, "Sir when I was coming here, your guard did not allow me to come inside the palace, unless I promised him to give half of my share of whatever I will get from you. I have taken half of my share, now it is your guard's turn to take his share of half." Everybody busted into laughter.

The guard was hauled in to receive his humiliating bribe.

The King said, "You are as brave as you were when you were a child. You have grown into a cleverer young man. I was trying to weed out the corrupt people from my court, but your little trick has done what I wouldn't have done even after passing several laws. From now on, on the basis of your wisdom, from now on you will be called “Bob” you will stay by my side as my advisor."

***

One day Emperor was strolling in his palace gardens with his dear minister Bob. Many crows were flying around. The King enjoyed their flying. Just then he thought that how many crows could be in his kingdom and immediately posed this question to Bob.

Bob thought a moment, then said, "They are ninety-five thousand, four hundred and sixty three (95, 463) crows in your kingdom, sir."

"How do you know that for sure?" the King asked.

"You can get them counted, sir." Bob said.

The king again said, "If there will be fewer than that, then?"

Bob replied immediately, "That means that the rest of them have gone on vacation to some neighboring kingdoms." "Or if there were more than that, then……..?" "Then it means that other crows are visiting your kingdom, sir."

The Emperor was very pleased with this answer of his question.

***

Once Emperor asked Bob to bring four fools.

He said , "It is not difficult because this world is full of fools.

Bob said - "OK" and asked some time to find them, which the Emperor readily gave to him.

Now Bob started looking for fools. He was walking down the street when he saw a man carrying a big trunk.

He looked like a fool to Bob, so he asked him - "Where are you going? And to whom are you carrying this?"

The man replied - "My wife has remarried. Now they have a child so I am taking this gift for them."

Bob got convinced that he was a fool, so he considered him a candidate to take to the king.

At another time he saw a man riding a buffalo carrying a bundle of grass on his head.

Bob thought he was also a fool, so he asked him - "Why are you carrying this bundle on your head?"

The man replied - "In fact my buffalo is pregnant, so I thought that she should not carry too much load, that is why I put this bundle on my own head instead." Bob considered him also a candidate to take to the king.

So next morning he took those people to the emperor court and presented them to him as the biggest fools. 

"But these are only two fools; where are the other two? I asked you to bring four fools." King asked. Bob folded his hands and bending a little said –

"Sir, The third fool is you who asked me to bring the fools; and the fourth fool is me who has brought these fools for you."

When the king heard about them, he laughed a lot on their foolishness.

***

Once Emperor went to the river with his two sons and wise Minister Bob. On the bank of the river, emperor and his two sons took off their clothes and asked Bob to take care of them while they took a bath in the river.

Bob was waiting for them to come out of the river. All the clothes were on his shoulder. Looking at Bob standing like this, emperor felt like teasing him, so he said to him, "Bob, you look like as if you are carrying a washer man’s donkey load."

Bob quickly retorted, "Sir, Washer man’s donkey carries only one donkey's load, I am carrying three donkey's loads." The Emperor was speechless.

***

Because Bob was very wise and witty, the Emperor's courtiers and other people used to be jealous of him and taught ways to degrade him.

One day the court barber, who was very jealous of Bob, plotted against him. So when the King called him again to trim his beard, he went and started trimming his beard.

He said, "Sir, last night I dreamed about your father."

The King got interested, so he asked, "What did he say to you?"

"Sir, he said to me, that everything is good in paradise, but he feels a great absence of a good humorous man who can amuse him."

The King thought and thought, but nobody else he could think of except Bob who could perform this kind of duty very well. And, naturally, the only way to go to heaven was through death. For a moment, emperor was very sad to lose such a good man, but thinking of his father, he made up his mind.

He summoned Bob and said, "I think Bob you love me very much and you can sacrifice anything for me."

Bob tried to understand his point but couldn't guess.

He said, "You know Majesty, I do."

"Then Bob, please go to heaven to give company to my dear father."

Bob understood that this was a wicked plan of somebody to kill him.

He said to Emperor politely, "I will do so, but I need a few days to prepare myself to go to heaven."

The King said, "Certainly. You are doing me such a great favor, I allow you one week to prepare yourself."

Now Bob was worried. He thought, somebody has planned very well and he could not escape from this plan. He thought and thought. And then he found a way. He dug a ditch near his house which would serve as his grave, and dug a tunnel too which would open in a room of his house. After doing this, he returned to the Imperial Court.

He said, " I am ready, His Majesty, but there two conditions."

Emperor was so happy to hear this that he forgot that Bob could put some odd conditions to him.

He asked, "What are those conditions? Tell me soon. I will try to fulfill them so that you can go to heaven to be with my dear father."

Bob said, "His majesty, I wish to be buried near my house. And I want to be buried alive so that I can reach heaven alive to amuse your dear father." The King found this logical and agreed up on them immediately.

So Bob was buried alive near his house. Of course he made his way to his house where he lived in confinement for six months. After six months, he came out of hiding with grown beard and shabby hair and asked the permission to appear in the Royal Court.

Looking at him, The Emperor cried, "Where have you been Bob?"

Bob said, "Your Majesty, I was in Heaven with your dear father. I had a very good time there with your father. He was so happy with my services that he gave me special permission to return to Earth."

Emperor was very anxious to know about his father, he asked, "Did he send any message for me?"

Bob said, "Yes Your Majesty, he said that very few barbers can make it to Heaven, you can make out this from my grown beard and shabby hair, so he has asked to send your own barber to him immediately.

Emperor understood everything. He gave Bob a big prize, and his barber a life sentence.