Costco

by Tessala Larson

Alex Cannon walked around his room gathering his things as he brushed his teeth, the foam from the toothpaste dangerously close to making a mess. The sun shone softly through his small window onto his white bed sheets. The room was small and mostly empty, containing just a bed, desk, and dresser. Alex wasn’t poor, he was just minimalistic, as he liked to say. Everything in his apartment had it’s place, just like he did. He worked in a small office building down the street, as he had for the past three months. The office he worked in was also small and undecorated. But that’s how he liked it. Clean, organized, and predictable.

After work, Alex remembered that he had no milk left. That just won’t do, Alex shook his head in his lack of foresight. I’ll just go to Costco real quick and pick some up before I got home.

“Can I see your membership card?” An elderly woman with a floral top asked Alex by the front door to Costco.

“Oh, oh yes, sorry, sorry,” Alex searched his satchel for his wallet as the woman rolled her eyes.

Has Costco gotten bigger? Alex wondered as he nibbled on some scalding hot chili from a small free sample cup. He’d already forgotten what he’d come to the store for, and soon found himself just wandering around looking through the clothing aisles and candy aisles with awe. Everything is so... organized, Alex was comforted by the evenly stacked, and well-organized Costco items placed carefully along each aisle. What strange people they have here, Alex chuckled to himself as a man with a beard covering up most of his face walked passed him, followed by a very short old woman, with glasses that made her eyes look twice as big as they should be.

Soon enough he came to the meats section and looked around through the steaks and raw chicken. Alex had never been a vegetarian or anything, but the sight of raw meat often made him queasy.

Right when Alex had had enough of this section, he noticed something. The “chicken” in the rotisserie didn’t look much like chicken. Alex moved closer to get a better look. “Oh my God,” Alex whispered and stared for a minute.

When he snapped out of his daze, Alex ran to nearest Costco employee. “Um, Miss? Ma’am? Excuse me, uh, could you please look at the chicken rotisserie. I think I’m going crazy.”

“Sir, you really need to just calm down and wait in line for your sample like everyone else,” The sample woman hadn’t really listened to him.

“No. Ma’am. Listen to me. There’s a dead man in the rotisserie,” The line of sample-eaters turned to Alex and stared with quizzical faces this time. He could tell what they were all thinking. “Great. Another nut job.”

“You’re joking,” A young man accused with suspicious eyes.

“No. Go look.”

Alex led the man to the rotisserie where they both stood and stared into the strangely lit little glass case. Sure enough, those were not chickens roasting in there. There was a foot, and what must’ve been chopped up legs and arms.

The young man turned to Alex, “Have you called the police?”

“No, I just saw it now.”

The man pulled out his phone and dialed. “Yes, hello, my name is Thomas Scott, I’m in Costco near the marina...yes...no....well, I would say so. There’s a dead man in the chicken rotisserie.”

~~~~

The police arrived about half an hour later, during which time everyone in Costco found out about the corpse. Instead of the usual drone of the florescent lights and the sound of rolling grocery carts and distant conversation, the store was now filled with the sound of crying babies, the occasional screaming woman, yelling, and general disorder.

“What seems to be the problem?” the officer asked Thomas.

“Well this man here,” Thomas motioned towards Alex, “found that,” he then pointed towards the rotisserie. “That should about cover it.”

The police officer was staring at the rotisserie and slowly turned his gaze back to the men. “Right,” he said with forced authority. “We’re going to have to get a closer look. And you’re going to have to stay back for a while. But don’t leave, we may need you. Stay towards the other end, and we’ll evacuate the rest of the store.”

~~~~

Thomas and Alex went and sat down at the benches in the food court. “This is insane,” Thomas said.

“What do you mean?”

“Well how could anyone sneak a whole person into the chicken rotisserie without anyone else noticing?”

“I noticed,” Alex said, a little bit defensively.

“I guess...” Thomas looked out towards the scene of people being evacuated. “Hey, WAIT!”

“What?”

“Since no one had noticed the body, which I think is a little weird, maybe that means that it wasn’t there until you saw it. Or, right before. See, I think someone in Costco did it. Someone here right now. And they’re evacuating them!!!” Thomas had gotten up and was now running to the other end of the store back to the police.

Alex followed after Thomas, realizing that he was completely right.

“Officer! Officer!” Thomas called, “Stop the evacuation!”

“What, why?” the officer inquired.

“I have good reason to believe that one of these people murdered that man,” Thomas pointed at the rotisserie.

“Oh, um, Mr. Scott, we’re taking names and information from everyone leaving the building. Right now we just need to clear the scene and let our people figure out who this guy is. Don’t worry, we’ll catch the murderer after we know exactly what’s on our hands.”

“Oh,” Thomas said, “Well, what is on our hands exactly? Any information?”

“Well, he seems to be a 32-year-old caucasian male... about 5’11. We don’t know much else about him, since we don’t even have the head.”

Right at that moment a man in uniform walked up into the conversation, “Hello,” he said to Alex and Thomas. “Crowell, we found something.”

The officer turned to man, “Yes? What is it?”

“We found a note.”

“Well what does it say?”

“Umm... it’s weird, sir. We found it in the back behind the rotisserie. It says, ‘I’m sorry if I’m giving you a headache.’”

“Is it signed?”

“No.”

“Shit.”

“Was it left by the murderer?” Thomas asked.

“We don’t know. It looks like it may have been.”

“Alright men, we’ll leave you to your work,” Thomas pulled Alex aside and whispered, “I know what we need to do.”

“What’s that?” Alex was a little confused and freaked out from this whole thing, but Thomas seemed really into it.

“We need to find the head. And I know where it is.”

“Where? And how?”

“The note. It’s obvious. Those dumb pigs couldn’t solve a case if the evidence slapped them in the face. But don’t tell them I told you that. Here -- it’s this way.” Thomas began walking.

Alex followed, “Do you know who did it, too?”

“No, but I have a leading suspect.”

“Who?”

“You,” Thomas stopped and turned to face Alex.

Alex stared in confusion back at Thomas, starting to doubt his innocence as well.

“Haha, just kidding. Here, this is the place though.” They were in the medicine aisle. Thomas walked up to an enormous Advil container and opened it. “Nope, not this one,” he picked up the next container and did the same thing.

“What are you doing?” Alex asked.

“The note? ‘I’m sorry if I’m giving you a headache’? It’s in obvious reference to the head. And, I thought, head, headache... Medicine aisle!” Thomas popped open a third container. “Ahhh, there he is.”

Alex leaned in to see the head, “OH MY GOD!” The head was big, and the face was almost unrecognizable through all the blood. But Alex couldn’t help but notice the large beard covering it’s jaw.

“Whoa there, calm down, you knew what you were getting into when you leaned over.”

“No, that’s-- I know that man! Well, I don’t know him, but I saw him earlier. Right before I came to the meat section actually. Oh my God.”

“Look, there’s another note,” Thomas pointed out. And there was. Taped on the man’s forehead, folded in half. He pulled it off and read it out loud, “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you, boys,” he looked to Alex, “What a sicko. There’s a little winky face at the end, too.”

“What do you think it means?” Alex asked.

“Hmm... well, it’s obviously about a hand. But, feeding someone?”

“Maybe it’s like dog food or something.”

“Oh, you’re probably right!” Thomas jogged to the end of the aisle and turned right towards the 50lb bags of dog food.

Alex noticed one bag wasn’t facing with the logo out like it should be. “It’s that one,” he declared with certainty.

Thomas opened up the bag, and placed on top of the dog food was a bloody hand, strained in a strange position. With another note attached. “Oh jeez, this is a real sick person we’re dealing with.”

“What does the note say?” Alex asked.

“Be safe. Just wear it,” he said without having to look at the note a second time. There was silence. Thomas gave Alex a look.

“What?”

“You know what that means, right?”

Alex stared blankly at Thomas. “Umm... gardening gloves?”

“No. Condoms.”

Alex now understood, “That’s just not right.”

“I told you, he’s a real sicko.”

They both jogged towards the condoms, Alex still shaking his head in disgust. As they rounded the last corner, Alex ran right into a large body, and fell with the impact. He looked up to see a large woman, closing the container to a condom package with blood on her hands.

“Stop right there!” Thomas yelled. But of course she didn’t stop right there, she ran. Alex got up as fast as he could and chased after them. They were headed towards the police. “We got her!!! Help! Officers!” Thomas yelled as they came closer.

The police saw what was happening and ran over and tackled the woman, cuffing her bloody hands behind her back.

~~~~

Sandra Beck and Louis Beck had been married for 5 years when Sandy found out she’d been cheated on. They got a divorce and hadn’t spoken for months when she saw him Costco with his new girlfriend. Blinded with rage, she took him to the back to ‘talk’ to him. That’s when she stabbed him, and to dispose of the body, chopped him up into small pieces.

~~~~

Alex clumsily walked into his apartment, dropped all of his stuff on the floor, and collapsed onto the couch. It’s been a long day, he sighed, and fell asleep.

The next morning Alex awoke on the floor of his apartment, hugging a throw pillow from the couch. He groggily rubbed his head, and walked to the kitchen, pulling the cereal out of the cabinet, and opened the fridge. There was no milk. Dammit!