The Murder of Baldr

by Jeremy Gleick

Drip.

He twisted uselessly against the bonds that tied him down onto the stones.  I can't believe it.  How could I be so stupid.  He watched the small drop of venom land in the bowl held over his head.
Drip.

It would have worked, too.  I was sloppy.  Too wrapped up in the act.  And he saw it.
Drip.

"Baldr is the wisest of the Æsir, and the fairest-spoken and most gracious."   
"He is best, and all praise him."  "He is so fair of feature, and so bright, that light shines from him."  That pale little maggot. He attempted to spit derisively at the end of his internal tirade, but with his head bound against the stone he managed only a slight gurgle followed by a fit of coughing.
Drip.

It was worth it.  Eternity bound in the center of the Earth for murder, sure, but it was worth it to wipe those adoring smiles off their faces.  His eyes followed the drops up to the snake hanging above him, wrapped around a stalactite.  The bowl is almost full...this is gonna hurt.
Drip.

The hiss of the venom striking his face was drowned out by his screams of pain, and his screams were drowned out by the cracking and roaring of the earth itself as he writhed against his bonds.

The massive axe flew through the room, air whistling with the speed of its passage, towards the handsome and fair skinned figure standing in the center of the meeting place.  The blade struck Baldr's face with incredible force, and bounced off harmlessly, clattering into the corner of the room as the Norse gods, the Æsir, raised another cheer and Baldr chuckled.  Thor reached for another weapon, this time a thick spear, and hurled it with all his strength, and the rest of the gods began throwing their own weapons as the spear also fell away uselessly.  Every stone hurled and axe swung slipped harmlessly off the young god's body, as they were supposed to: ever since everything, even iron itself, took oaths not to harm him, this was a common game of the Æsir.

After a few minutes of this wild sport, the entire room suddenly fell silent.  Baldr dropped to one knee, a thin arrow piercing straight through his heart and a small rose of blood blossoming on his chest.  As he collapsed on the floor all eyes turned to the blind god Hödr, Baldr's brother, standing outside of the circle of gods with a short bow and slight confusion on his face.  "Why are you quiet?" he asked, blinking his blind and useless eyes.  "What happened?"

"I walked up to the front door of the hall.  It was a hell of a flat, even for a hall of gods.  The double doors were a dark brown, and as tall as an apartment building: clearly meant to be imposing.  But I never bought into that kind of intimidation; you see money and power everywhere in my line of work."  The detective stepped up to the doors and straightened his fedora.  "I straightened my fedora as I approached the entrance.  This was gonna be an interesting job."  He pushed in through the double doors into the grand front hall, where all the Æsir were assembled.

"This shrimp is supposed to investigate Baldr's death?" Thor muttered with a growl.

"He looked me over with dull eyes, clearly unimpressed.  He had a build like an elephant and a brow that might have weighed even more, and I could tell that he wasn't the deep thinking type.  He-"

"Hey!  Why you little-" Thor rushed forwards but was grabbed by several other gods in the room and barely held back.

"He had a temper as short as his vocabulary, clearly proving my point.  Luckily the others were holding him, I didn't think my Colt twenty-two would have done much to someone with so much muscle it probably evicted his brain so it could take the space.”

Týr frowned at the trench-coated man.  "Is that...entirely necessary, Mr...?"

" 'Mulroy.  Nathan Mulroy.  And it's just a habit of mine,' I said," he said.  He pulled a flask from an inside pocket of his coat and took a long drink, then put it away.  "I slipped my friend back into my pocket.  There were only two people I could trust in my line of work: my flask and my revolver.  I looked at the one who'd addressed me.  He seemed like a pretty reserved kid, not the type to mess around.  He probably lost his sense of humor in the same accident that lost him his right hand.  'Here's my card,' " he handed the small yellow slip to Týr, who read it aloud.

" 'Nathan Mulroy, DPI.'  What does DPI stand for?"

"He had the voice and the mindset of an overly inquisitive parrot.  Last time I had a case involving a whelp like him, the kid's neck had to get wrung to finally get him quiet.  'It stands for Divine Private Investigator.  I'm the best in the business when it comes to solving crimes for the gods,’ I said. ‘Been on the beat for six years now.’"

Thor sneered.  "Best in the- Why did we hire this punk?"

"I ignored the thick one's comment.  It was time to start working on the case."  He looked over the assembled gods.  "Do you have any suspec-"

"Loki did it," Thor interrupted.  Several of the other Æsir nodded their agreement.

"I addressed the one at the head of the group.  An old tough looking god, I could tell he was a wise one.  Not wise enough to avoid losing his left eye though, so maybe the whole old and wise deal was just an act.  His good eye stared me down like the barrel of a shotgun.  'So, what makes them so sure?' "

"He had the motive, or at least enough of one for such an impulsive being.  He was jealous of Baldr.  And if anyone could trick Baldr's invulnerability, it's the trickster Loki Laufeyarson," Odin replied.  "Also, he left Asgard the day after it happened.  We haven't seen him since, he's off hiding.  That's why we called for you: we need you to find him."

"What about the blind one, Hödr, who shot the arrow?  I'd like to speak with him."  There was a slight pause at the detective's question.  "I watched the gods cast their eyes down like guilty children at the comment, distressed mumbling passing through the assembled mass."

Thor stepped forward, twisting his hammer in his hands nervously.  "Um...Hödr is dead.  We uh, killed him just after it happened.  We were angry?" he offered as if in excuse.

"We were brash," Týr explained.  "If we'd given it a few moments thought we would've realized that it was Loki who did it, and Hödr was innocent."

"The gods were as set in their accusation as a nail in a wall.  But I was convinced they were overlooking something in their blind accusations.  The story was missing something, like a jigsaw puzzle when the cat has carried off the last piece.  'I'd like to do some investigating myself first.  See if I can pick up any more evidence on the case.' "

"So.  Frigg, Odin's wife.  You are the victim's mother, correct?"

"That's right."

"Alright doll, so what's the story with this whole invulnerability deal?"

"Well, it started with his dreams.  Great and perilous dreams touching his life, and so we all got together and decided what to do: I went to everything there is and took oaths that they would not harm him.  Fire, water, iron and all kinds of metal, beasts, birds, venom.  Venom was a bit stubborn about it, felt like I was trying to put it out of a job, but it gave in and swore the oath as well eventually."

"Had all things taken oaths to spare Baldr?"

"There grows a tree-sprout westward of Valhall: it is called mistletoe; I thought it too young to ask the oath of..."

"Her voice was starting to sound like a dying cat; the dame was getting hysterical.  I had learned all I would be able to from her.  'It's alright, that's all I needed to know.  Thanks for your help.  Get some rest.' I told her."


Drip.

Stupid prick and his prophetic dreams.  Don't they know anything?  Prophecies are prophecies, how hard is it to understand that they'll happen?  But no, take oaths of everything and he'll be fine, it doesn't matter that we've overlooked one little object which someone could make into a lethal weapon.
Drip.

Idiots.
Drip.

You'd think they'd have figured it out themselves.  But no.  Had to call in a detective to try to find me.  Gullible suckers.
Drip.

...Course, it's not like my plan worked...

"The scene of the crime was my next stop.  The main meeting place of the Æsir, or as it was called, 'the Thing.'  I stood at the top of the half circle amphitheatre and looked over the area.  The round open area in the center was where the crime happened, and it was time for a closer look.  There were no footprints I could distinguish in the packed earth: too many gods passing through to leave any from the date of the crime.  I knelt down in the center of the space where the victim had stood.  There was a small stain of blood on the ground, clearly the place where he had fallen.  From the angle of the the bloodstains I could tell the direction he was shot from.  It was easy to trace the line back to find the location of the shooter.  I looked over the distance between the two.  Long shot to make for a blind man."

"Loki could have guided the arrow."  Odin walked down the steps of the amphitheatre and up to Mulroy.

"The old man was making assumptions again.  'Did Hödr usually participate when you played this game of yours?'  I took out a cigar and lit it.  I knew there was something else I was missing about the case, and it was bugging me like a mosquito the size of a rottweiler."

"No, this was the first time."

"I see.  Thanks for your help."

"It was time to tell them what I'd found.  It was time for the truth to come out."

"Well then get on with it!" Thor grumbled loudly.

"This Loki guy.  You say he had the motive: jealousy.  You say he had the means: he could have found out about the mistletoe.  And most importantly, he ran off right after the fact."

Týr nodded.  "Right.  He knew we would figure out that he did it and come for him."

"Or, he knew that you would wrongly accuse him and come for him anyway."

Thor frowned in confusion.  "What are you saying?"

"I knew they'd have a hard time accepting it, but I wasn't gonna let some innocent god get blamed for murder.  'It was the jealousy motive that tipped me off.  Jealousy always runs hardest in families.  In brothers most of all.  How long had Hödr gone hearing about how wonderful Baldr was?  It would have been easy: he could even have claimed it was an accident, if you hadn't cut him down before he had the chance to start lying to defend himself.' "

Odin sat in silence, watching and listening, but Thor scrunched his eyes up in confusion trying to find an explanation.  "But Hödr always seemed so friendly with Baldr..."

"Why would Hödr have joined in the game, for the first time, if he didn't have some ulterior motive?  Besides, if Loki had been there and tricked him into it, his footprints would have been there."


Drip.

Stupid, stupid, stupid.  If I'd just shut up they never would have known.
Drip.

I suppose it's my own fault.  I went too far, I shouldn't have tried it.  Should have been more careful.
Drip.

But if I had gotten away with it...that would have been the best trick I've ever pulled.

Confused and distressed muttering filled the room.  Týr shook his head in stunned disbelief.  "How could...I just can't imagine Hödr...it doesn't make sense, there's got to be something else to it...”

"I took out my flask and took another drink to calm my nerves, which were yelling like a troupe of howler monkeys with blow horns.  It always shook me up to reveal this kind of thing, especially to the family.  'I've seen it before.  Brother turning on brother.  Everything seems like brotherly affection on the outside, but inside Hödr was a ticking time bomb.  And he went off.' ”

Týr collapsed back into his chair. “Baldr and Hödr always got along so well…it seems like there would have been signs…”

“He was beginning to accept the truth. ‘I’m sure there were signs, but you didn’t notice them.’ It takes a trained eye to see this kind of thing coming, and these gods were about as observant and rational as a nearsighted elephant in heat.”

Odin stepped forward.  "No.  Your story doesn't make sense.  The ground was far too trodden to be able to find footprints-"

"Look, I’ve been doing this for five years; I know this kind of scene like the back of my hand. Who are you gonna trust, the instincts of a group of gods which includes a cinder block like him," the detective gestured at Thor, "or the best bloody detective in the business?"

Thor rose from his seat, grabbing his massive hammer. “That is the last thing you’ll say, you runt! I’ll smash your skull into small crumbs!” As he began to rush forwards Odin gestured for him to stop.

Odin stepped right up to the detective. "You said it yourself: he never could have made that shot on his own.  Why would he have joined in the sport if he wasn't planning something, you say.  No, why would he have joined in if he wasn't being manipulated! So who am I going to trust? I'd trust anyone before I would trust you, Loki Laufeyarson.  You made the arrow.  You gave it to him.  You guided the shot.  And after killing the greatest among us, you thought you could come back here in the guise of some detective and pin the whole mess on Hödr."

“What? That’s ridiculous! Of course I’m not…you’re not buying this anymore, are you.  Damn! So close.  Took you long enough to figure it out though, old man."  With a snap of the fingers, Nathan Mulroy's hair shifted suddenly red and Loki winked once, his now lithe form turning to dash away.  “So long, morons!” As he took the first step, Thor and Odin's hands closed around his arms.

"Shit."

The gods dragged Loki across Asgard and then down into the Earth, and down and down until they came to an empty chamber at the bottom.  As they bound him down against the stone, Odin bent over his head.  "See that serpent?”

Loki struggled but the rocks just dug further into his back.  "Yeah."

"It will drip it's venom upon you until the end of time for what you've done, Laufeyarson."

As the Æsir walked away, Loki twisted uselessly against his bonds.  I Can't believe it.  How could I be so stupid.
Drip.