An Accident in the Snow

by Patrick Devaney

John

The snow stuck to the windshield and the man hurriedly wiped it clean with the windshield wiper. It wouldn’t be clean for long though; white shards would soon enough streak the glass once more. John leaned forward and grabbed a hold of the stick shift and forced it another gear higher. He was speeding. He never sped. What was he doing? John looked down at the dash, next to the radio. 8:54. Damn! Almost nine! She’ll be mad at me, oh I hope she’s not mad at me. John’s fingers twitched as he held his arms stiff against the steering wheel. This was the big night, and John was in no position to miss it, especially for work-related issues. No. Angering his wife was not his itinerary. The blank specks illuminated by his headlights in front of him were whiting out the night and as John stamped his shiny black shoes down on the accelerator, he thought it odd how each and every flake of snow caught in the brightness glinted with malicious intent. He sat staring at the strange and yet familiar pattern cast out by the car’s security system and wondered if it was even worth it. Jane would be disappointed, sure, but we’ve made it 19 years already. I think that by now I’ve got to have tenure, right? We’re not going to separate over this; I’m quite sure of that!

Something twinkled in his mind. John thought it was odd to have such a feeling but as he turned quickly in his seat, he saw it. Well, John saw him. He stepped down onto the breaks and slowed to take a closer look at the car. The vehicle he saw was a considerably rusty dented station wagon. It had been red once, but most of the paint had faded considerably. The car, however, was not what caught John’s eyes. It was the man who was driving it. John had been thinking about him earlier that day. In fact, he wanted to do nothing more than to roll down his window and yell something along the lines of, “Hey Thomas, you ass! You were supposed to be at work today to hand me your half of the equalization development for our report! Boss made me stay late to make up for all the money I had lost him! Next time call in and e-mail it to me! Damnit!” But he didn’t. He just stayed in the seat of his car with his coffee, wishing. In around ten minutes, John would pull up to his house, turn off the car and hurry up the driveway. He would still wonder how much better his life would be if he had the courage. Even the next day, when he would stand nervously in the office elevator, wondering if his boss had decided to fire him yet, John would run that same scenario though his head, where he would really give it to Tom. He couldn’t be able to muster up the strength to actually do it, though. He knew it was pitiful. He knew he was pitiful. But, “Man, I’ve gotta get it together,” was all he ever muttered.

As John took a deep breath and counted to 10, as the self-help books had told him to do, something happened. A force hit the side of his car, causing it to make a terrible screeching sound as it wrenched itself from the road, breaking the barrier between the protected cement and the wild forest and sending the car tumbling into the sullen brown shrbbery, which had still not yet recovered from the snow that had suffocated it now days ago. The car made a series of shrieks before settling loudly near a couple of old barren trees.

It was all black. John opened his eyes and tried to look around. His head was hot. “What happened?” he muttered, his voice almost a whisper. He touched his scalp. No blood, but he was upside-down. Something cool toughed his scalp. Then another and then another. Come to think of it, John realized that they felt more icy than cool. Where am I? As snow ran through a gap in the car somewhere, John began to start thinking that something was wrong. Something was terribly wrong. He leaned forward and attempted to look upward toward his body. There was a drip. Something was dripping. It felt wet when John touched it. It felt like blood. The thick oozing liquid slowly slid down John’s pant leg to where a puddle lay, just below where his hip was. The pool was dark and still, reflection-less and quiet.

John closed his eyes and began to weep in the darkness closing in on him. His watery eyes blurred his vision dreadfully, but in his mind the scene was as clear as it had been just a little while ago. The portrait of Thomas’ car slamming head-on into his was stained into his mind; the blemish in his life had taken hold of him. He closed his eyes and a rusted car jerked itself into his and pushed him and heaved him until the job was done. It wasn’t done yet. “Not yet. Not yet”. That’s what John said to himself until he heard voices and the beautiful sound of sirens. His mind grew dark and his eyes fell down upon his eyes. “I’m not dead yet,” he whispered.

Thomas

All was quiet. Then a voice was heard. It came abruptly and stated, “Well, Hello, and good morning Trenton County! Just an update for all those new listeners. The time is now seven oh one! And may I say, welcome to February!” Thomas turned off his alarm and raised himself out of bed. It was going to be one of those days again. Tom knew it. He had a big report due and he was partnered with Jonathon. Tom had heard rumors that he had anger issues, that he had followed followed Lucy home last winter and yelled at her outside her house for screwing up his chances for a promotion. He bottled up his feelings, that’s it. It wouldn’t hurt him to yell at one person, but it wasn’t like he could do anything about it. Tom got up and stumbled to the shower. He turned the faucet all the way to H and pulled up on the little knob. Warm water swarmed over him. He waited. The water wasn’t heating up further. He smirked and said, “I can take it.”

Tom stepped out of the shower, flinging his dark hair behind him. I wonder how much different my life would be if Caitlin had better hours. I guess nights and mornings will have to do for now. Tom put on his pants and left for his office. He opened his cabinet and pulled out a word-processed piece of paper. He had practiced his report enough times, but he really took his job seriously. He cleared his throat and began.

“Hello, and welcome!” Tom always felt a little weird practicing to a wall, but it always seemed to work in the past. He continued talking, stating, “I hope you’ve taken your coffee breaks because this one’s a doozy.”

Tom had been practicing for forty-five minutes. His voice had begun to waver, but he knew that the adrenaline of presenting in front of the panel would keep him going. He would have tea as a backup as well. He still stood in his office, still getting ready for the presentation. It was going to be great.

“And if you would please turn your guidebooks to page 234,” Tom said gesturing to his office wall, “I can show you what it really means to…” Tom was stopped short by a faint buzzing. The door. He glanced at the microwave for the time. There in front of him flashed 00:00. Power must have gone out. He grabbed his phone and opened it. There stood a fairly old, plain woman. Her light green sweater caught Tom’s attention and her grey short hair seemed to dash out in different directions. She smiled that warm smile. It was not a good smile. Something’s wrong.

“Hi, Tommy, “ she said.

“Hi Mom,” I said. “What are you doing here?” It was always a hassle for mom to travel over here, so Tom was more than surprised to catch her standing on his doorstep.

“I tried to call you on your home phone but it must not be working or somethin’. The machine didn’t work either.”

“Uh, Mom, I’m kinda busy right now. What brings you here?”

“Well,” she paused and looked down at the plant next to Tom’s front steps before hesitantly saying, “It’s about your sister.”

“Oh? What about her.” Tom had been meaning to speak to her. It had been so long since they had just sat and talked.”

“You know that boat she bought last year with her boyfriend?”

“yeah. The one with the yellow trimming and the strange wallpaper in the interior?” He was beginning to feel butterflies creeping into him.

“Yeah, Well, she and him were off in the harbor durin’ that last storm and the boat caught a lot of ruckus in the night. The coast guard advised all boaters not to be out and about in that storm. Maybe they thought their boat was going to be tied up and that the storm couldn’t hurt ‘em and all. Well, durin’ the night it got all smashed up and they found her under the dock, and ya’ kno’ that she can’t swim.” She paused for a second before flinging herself onto Tom. They grasped each other I the doorway, hugging as if they were the only good people left out they and they had lost one more. “I’m so sorry, Tommy, she’s gone. I’m so sorry.” Tom still hung onto Mom as if she were dead herself. He wasn’t going to be presenting today.

Caitlin

“This could be the last time! This could be the last time! Maybe the last time! I don’t know! Oh No!” The lyrics shot throughout the car. Why Tom liked The Stones was beyond Caitlin. He sure did like the classics. That’s probably why he liked them. Caitlin knew that he was playing it right now just for that purpose; and too loud too. I bet that the cars around me can hear it. The wide-eyed woman sat with her body pressed up against the passenger door. Her face glinted with sweat, but her eyes stayed sharp. Just above Caitlin’s eyes flowed her long black and hair. It was her security. It was the only thing that shielded her from the man driving her God-knows where. She had loved him not too long ago. Things had changed that day, right after she had called him. Right after she had told him they could never live out their dream.

Caitlin’s looked downward at her legs. They were shaking. They always did when she was nervous. She wanted to be away from this man. She glanced over at Tom. I wish he hadn’t pressured me in that way. I didn’t want to…not today. Not after the doctor told me the news. She looked up at Tom. He was smiling. It was like he knew that she was thinking about him; it was like he knew she wanted to hate him. Just cause we’re married doesn’t give him the right to do that. Caitlin had been through a lot and, at that moment she wanted to hate him. The only problem was she couldn’t. Why won’t you let me hate you! Why do I feel like this? She sighed, letting out a cloud of warm breath. What’s wrong with me? Caitlin’s voice seemed far away in her head. Maybe she was losing it. Maybe she was crazy. Maybe she was just tired. Caitlin did not know the answer to these questions. Weird. She always knew. She prided herself for this. Maybe it was her bright brown eyes and the way they sought out the truth, or maybe it was because she had studied the human condition for six years at Duke, but Caitlin liked to think that it was because she had an intuition that she inherited from her mother right before she passed away.

A gruff hand thumped Caitlin’s shoulder. She jumped violently in the seat.

Tom almost laughed at her. “You need to get your shit together, Katy. You were off, staring at the trees like you wanted to have sex with ‘em. Seriously.” His eyes suddenly turned to Caitlin. “Sometimes, I get worried about you.” He smiled again. “Either that or you were thinking of me!”

She tried to whip her arm onto his face. His hand snapped up and painfully halted her attempt. “Ow,” she groaned. He had seen it coming. She’ll have to be quicker next time, or at least try harder. Her arm ached from the force of his. I must need more sleep. Caitlin talked to him angrily now, saying, “It’s Caitlin, Tom. You know I hate nicknames. Just stop, please. Where are we even going?”

“First, you love nicknames. I have hands-on experience. And that is not my name!” His voice grew frightening when he breathed, the word not.

“Not when you spit them at me!” Her voice sneered. She lifted her hand in defense, expecting his to retort. The light illuminated Caitlin’s hand. All was slightly browned except one spot on one finger where her ring used to sit. She had forgotten when she had removed it exactly.

“Hey, Kate, put your hand down. You can’t stop me like that. And get ready to leave this car. We’re almost near the end. Caitlin began to speak. She took a breath and declared,

“Tom, please just let me off here. You’ve already got everything out of me this evening. Just leave me out of your life. Please, Tom.” He stared at her. There was anger in his little eyes.

“No, you’re wrong. I haven’t,” he said. “You’ve made sure of that. I will NEVER get what I want!” Tom was yelling now. He looked back toward the road hotly, just staring ahead. “Not any more. Not after this that phone call. The call this morning changed us. Changed the way we look at each other. Changed the people we loved once.” His eyes were away from this place. “Isn’t that sad?” he asked. Even the naked trees that streaked by calmed her a bit. At least they were left behind. Even the ugly brown shrubs at the bottom of the sloping dirt next to road didn’t look so bad. She was suddenly jerked away by something. Tom’s hand was clammy and too tight.

“Ow!” She screamed. “What?”

“Stay sharp. It’s almost nine. We’ve got a lot of time left.”

“No! I won’t let you. I know that you feel bad for what happened, but you cannot take out all your troubles on me. That’s not what I’m for!”

“I know that!” Tom sneered, “but then you caused another problem.”

“TOM! Shut the fuck up! Stop rubbing it in!”

“Hey! Watch your language.” Tom knew just when to lower his voice to a menacing tone. “It’s unhealthy for someone like you.” He paused and then looked back at Caitlin. “And can you open the window? Please?”

She stared at him. He was going to win. “Sure,” she said, “but I really like the breeze so I’ll open yours too,” and with that she grabbed a hold of his now greasy hair and thrust his head down toward the window. It made a splitting crunch and Tom’s hands jerked all over the place, trying to save himself, almost slapping Caitlin in the face. Then the man, he wasn’t Thomas anymore, slumped over in his seat. It wasn’t over yet and as Caitlin, who was just as wide-eyed as before, still petrified, and still unsure if she really hated Tom, let out a deafening yelp.

Caitlin awoke. The car was still on the road. She looked up. The window had broken. A door from the car, she didn’t know what door, slowly creaked back and forth on the asphalt. The cool air had leaked into the car through the blazing gab in the roof and tingled her forehead. No snow hit her, though. It must have just missed her. No. It’ll get me shortly. Caitlin circled her nose. Something smelled awful. I have to get out of here. Caitlin unbuckled her seatbelt and immediately fell forward onto her face. Ow. She blacked out.

Thomas

It had been a while. It was close to noon now. His mom was still in the living room with him. They had just sat there, Tom and his mom. Even though they spoke nothing, this was the closest he had ever been to her. It was odd how serene this misery was.

The phone must have been working then because Tom jumped at the sound of the shrill ring. He still hadn’t changed the tone. He’d been meaning to do that, but not right now.

“Hello?” Tom answered, picking up the phone and grasping it against his ear.

“Hi, Tom, Its me, Katie. I’ve been trying to get a hold of you for a while now. I guess our power’s out.”

Tom’s voice grew tender, and he couldn’t control himself. “Hi Caitlin.” Tears began to stream down his face. At that his mother, who was still sitting in the living room silently got up and mouthed, “I’ll talk to you later.” He stared at the door long after she had closed it, thinking of Caitlin. He wanted to tell her how damaged he was. How much he needed a sign to keep on smiling, but before he could do that she began speaking again.

”Tom, I have to tell you something.”

“You heard?” was all Tom could say. “Who told you? I just can’t get-“

“No, Thomas. This is really important. Look,” She paused. Her breathing grew short. “Thomas, look. I didn’t want you to worry. I didn’t want to anger you. I didn’t want you to lose sleep over this, but I saw a Gynecologist last week. I just wanted some reassurance to see how much time I, we had to have the opportunity to have children, but when I got the call this morning. Look, I’m sorry. The doctor, he said, he said. Well, Thomas, I’m past my time.”

Tom just stood there, holding the phone. After a moment he was ready to speak again. Slowly, he said,

“What are you saying? You’re saying that I can’t, can’t, we can’t have kids? We can’t have children?”

“I’m really sorry, Thomas. I know this isn’t your fault. If anyone’s, it’s mine.”

“No,” Tom stated. He almost believed it too.

“Yes it is. I was the one who wanted to wait. I wasn’t ready for children. I know how much you did want this and I am really sorry. What do you want to do now?”

There was a pause. Tom’s teeth were clenched together. His jaw would not let him speak. Maybe it was the slow sniveling coming from the other line, or maybe it were his tears that lubricated his jaw muscles, but he was able to open his mouth and say,

“Listen, Katy, it’s going to be okay. You’re going to be okay. I’m going to be okay. We’re both going to be okay, but we have to be okay together. You just finish up what you’re doing at work and I’ll meet you after. We can have lunch and get though this, okay?” His voiced had started to tense up, but Tom wasn’t sure if Caitlin had caught that through his dialogue.

“Okay. Thank you, so much. I love you.”

“Me too. I hope you’ll feel better when I arrive. Talk to you later.”

“By Tom.” Tom removed the phone from his ear and looked down at it, resting in his palm. He had lied.

He placed the phone back into position and moved himself to the kitchen. He sat down at the table and rested his head on the cold dark surface. What was going on? Why was this happening to him? Tom slowly listed his head and set his eyes upon the cabinet. He opened it, took out a bottle and set it on the counter. Whiskey. Just what I need right now. Do I though? His eyes closed and shook the bottle in hand, letting the liquid slosh around in the glass. Yeah, I do. He had had enough of the world for today. He saw what it could really do. He just wanted to sit back and see where this bottle took him, so he poured himself a glass.

John

John opened his eyes. It had dawned on him. He wasn’t dead; he wasn’t okay, though. He tried to look around. It didn’t work. His neck was too stiff to move. All he could see was the ceiling. It was an ugly yellow color, almost perfect except for one lone paint chip, couldn’t have been more than the size of his thumb, that hung their, almost separated and yet not. He just waited for it for break off and fall.

A voice broke the silence and John’s concentration. “Hello? John? Hi. My name is Doctor Chadley. Do you know where you are right now?”

“No.” When John spoke, his voice tensed up. Am I in the hospital?

“Well, that’s okay. You don’t have a concussion. You’re in the hospital. In fact, your entire head is fine. It’s your waist that you’ve had trouble with. Look, do you mind if I elevate you?” A hand came into view, holding a black object. Remote?

“Sure,” John said, straining to be heard.

A man came into view as his bed nudged John upright. There, before him stood a middle-aged man. He wasn’t tall, and had a fair amount of blonde hair, almost down to his chest. He had a pair of blue scrubs on and one of those fake grins that tell you so much. John wasn’t going to be okay, at least not for a while.

“Um, what time is it, sir?” The man smiled patiently.

“It’s a little past tomorrow,” he answered with a chuckle. “Two sixteen AM to be precise. I assume you’re worried about your anniversary. I spoke with your wife on the phone about twenty minutes ago. It took me forever to find her number, but I found it. She said that she was coming. She’ll be here any moment.

“What’s wrong with me?” John finally mustered up the courage to ask.

“You’re fine. Just a little problem with your insurance, but I can see that you’re a fine gentleman, so, you’re gong to be fine. You just had minor internal bleeding and your hipbone was chipped. Nothing serious. We put in a supplement an hour ago. You’ll be back on your feet in a couple weeks.”

Doctor Chadley kept talking, but John had heard all that he needed to hear. He was on to more important matters. I don’t know why you did it Tom, but I don’t care. He hoped that Thomas would get what he deserved. Hell, whom am I kidding? John looked back up at the paint chip. It wasn’t ever going to fall and John would never become a different man, never stand up for himself, never vent his feelings. John smiled and closed his eyes. Doctor Chadley was still talking.

Caitlin

Caitlin sat up in bed, glancing at the clock on the wall behind the end of her bed. The time was 10:08 PM. She squinted. She was in the hospital. What happened? It was because of him. Tom was the reason that Caitlin was here right now. But, how did this all happen? He was drunk. That was the clear part. Tom had just seemed different the moment she had been picked up from work. That’s when he pulled over onto the side of the road and tried to, well, make a move. That’s when Caitlin he said, “no.” She saw something odd in his eyes and it made her uncomfortable. But that didn’t stop him. Oh, no! He kept right on trying, trying to get back at her for losing his power, losing his lifeline, the only thing he cared about. She wasn’t crying, but she was blurry-eyed.

A man, he couldn’t have been more than five foot six, walked into the room. He had large blonde hair, almost covering his nametag. Doctor R. Chadley.

He looked at Caitlin with his little green eyes and smiled.

“Hi, I’m Doctor Chadley. I am your physician this evening. How are you doing. You’re awake now. That’s good.”

“I don’t know. How am I?” Caitlin said, answering his question.

“Well, physically, you’re okay,” Doctor Chadley said, “but mentally, well that’s kind of up to you. That car crash must have been a hard thing to deal with. How are you holding up?” Caitlin glanced over at the newly made bed sheets in the bed across from her before turning back and nodding silently. Tom had been carried away just a little after Caitlin had woken up. She turned away from the bed.

“Fine. Thanks.” Doctor Chadley’s nodded, looking down at caitlin’s chart. His face turned bleak.

“Um, there’s one thing.” Doctor Chadley paused. “Oh, this is the unfortunate news. I believe that even in you’re current condition,” Caitlin looked back at him, “Tom was able to, well, impregnate you. It seems that his final prayers did work out after all.” He looked into Caitlin’s eyes and saw something he had never seen before. Caitlin stared back at Doctor Chadley.

“ Thank you doctor.”

“Okay, well, I’ll leave you to yourself. Doctor Chadley turned and started to walk to the door. Caitlin looked down at her feet, and then she asked,

“Doctor?” He turned and warmly replied,

“Yes?”

“Is it wrong to let the child have Tom’s surname?” There was a pause.

“It’s not wrong if you don’t think its wrong,” and then he left the room. Caitlin watched him leave and smiled. She had been through Hell, but it was going to be okay. She was going to be okay. Caitlin looked up towards the ceiling.

“Tom,” she said, “Now I’m ready.” At those words, she turned over in her bed and looked towards the window across the hospital room. Outside it was still snowing. The flakes were gently pattering onto the window. She smiled and closed her eyes. Tom would be happy if he was here right now.