Suicide

by Vemireddy Lakshmi

It was a weekend, fine Saturday morning. I woke up late and looked at the time; it read 1:00pm. I took my phone and anxiously looked call history for Rose's missed calls, but they weren’t any. With a new hope I called Rose but it was the same. Just right then, I remembered that I have a set of Rose's apartment keys. I ran upstairs and with effort opened the door and steeped in looking, shouting for Rose. It was silent as empty as class room with no students.

I started searching in every room, but I couldn’t find her. I sat in her couch, taking the situation, feeling emotion, and looking around. My eyes land on a piece of paper, which was trying to escape from the flower vase. I quickly grab and read it over. It was a suicide letter. I couldn't believe what was happening. I slowly came back to my senses. I started to understand that, all my torture made her take this decision. I was at fault. Then the taught came to me, that no one should know about it, if they do I would be at risk.

I gathered all the courage that I have to swallow the truth. I slowly got up and headed out of the room. I saw, Sam approaching me. He was pretty normal and smiled at me. I ran without closing the door.

I went into my house, crying for loosing such a great friend, because of my attitude. All of a sudden I remember that, I forgot the Rose’s suicide letter in her apartment, with a panic attack my hands started to shiver. I jumped out of my couch with bare feet raced to Rose’s room without closing my apartment door and without noticing the surroundings.

I was taken aback by Rose’s door being open. I quickly went in and start searching for the letter. I totally forgot where I dropped it. I felt crazy for not finding a letter; I went threw Rose’s belongings, threw everything all around the floor and made a huge mess. Thinking that there is no way I can find the letter, I cupped my face in my hands and start to moan. Instantly I recall Sam showing up in front of the Rose’s room_____ “That’s it, Sam took the letter.”

Momentarily I feel a hand on my shoulder; I jerk up and turn back, there in the door way of Rose’s apartment I saw Sam and two police man heading towards me. The two police man and Sam standing in front of me, asked politely to go with them, I am speechless. I am walking between the cops towards their car.

I lift my head up and couldn't believe my eyes. IT IS ROSE.

* * *

-Few Days Earlier-

Standing there in the long hallway, I started to think of my day a head. I slowly took one step at a time to the exit door, calling Rose to join me. Rose is my best friend. Rose and I have been friends since high school. Rose has a very deep love for me as a friend. Rose’s ambition is to become a software engineer. Ever since I can remember, Rose has always been a computer maniac; she mostly sat in front of her laptop, creating new websites, messing with software and showed lot of interest in learning more about computers. On the other hand, I am a very stubborn person. I want what I want. Whenever Rose starts a topic, everybody thinks it’s funny and enjoys the comments, but I don’t. I think they are not worth anything. But even with all these different characteristics, I could not wish for a better friend then her. I, like Rose have a life long goal to become a doctor and help people.

Rose’s conflict took place towards the end of high school. Rose wanted to stay with me, but our paths are different. She wanted to be a software engineer and I wanted to be a doctor. As annoying as Rose was, she wanted to tag along with me to college. Consequently she changed from software to medicine. That was the turning point of our friendship. I started to realize, what great friendship was and I am proud of being her friend. After realizing what Rose said for a moment, I was stunned, forgot my surroundings, became completely senseless and without knowing tears filled my eyes.

That’s how Rose and I are here in the same college and also living in the same Berkeley Park Apartments. I called once more, “Rose are you coming down?”

From top of the stairs, I could hear a faint voice saying, “Coming Emily.”

After a moment Rose appeared at the bottom of the stairs. Rose is in her perfectly fitted blue jeans, pink top with the word “OOPS!” Even though it is little short for her nevertheless she looks just as perfect and adorable. On one side of her shoulder, she has a pink handbag with red juicy hearts and also to go along with her pink outfit today, she had on pink Nikes.

No wonder the guys are always after Rose. Her mesmerizing eyes are just enough to flatter all the guys. Her small beautiful smile reflects the sunrise that everyone longs for. When it comes to her hair, it’s just like a cherry on top of your ice cream Sundae. Her hair adds more beauty to her round face, which makes it looks like a chubby heart.

Rose and I started walking toward the exit door to go to college. When we stepped out, the cool breeze hit my face and blew my hair back. Even though I am wearing a sweater, the cool air sunk through it and went all the way through my bare skin. We started heading towards our college. As we walked the fall leaves fell on us, rubbing our skin and slipping away like raindrops. As far as we can see through, the sidewalk is covered with reddish, orange, yellow leaves. When we stepped on leaves that are on sidewalk, it just felt we are walking through a flower field, on a flowerbed.

As we were walking, we saw our favorite restaurant that we passed by every day while we go to college. The workers, manager in the restaurant saw and waved their hands and said, “Good morning.”

We responded, “Very good morning.”

When we are crossing the road, we see all the other students of the college hurrying to their class.

We went to a least favorite class. We hated it because of the teacher and of course the subject too, which is very critical. Our professor is Ms. Einstein (she is not who you think, she is exact opposite of the scientist Einstein). She is the most confused and disorganized professor that I have ever had in my life. She is very annoying as a person and a professor. When we are working independently, she comes to us and purposely starts an unrelated conversation to what she teaches. Usually the common topic she starts is like, “What movies have you guys seen? Are they good? And also discourses daily news about politics.

I have a theory that if Ms. Einstein was not a teacher, she would most definitely have become a politician (a very bad one). Every one in my class hates Ms. Einstein, because she gives so many projects in short periods of time and also grades them very harshly.

Rose says, “I am hungry.”

I asked, “Ok then, you want to go to the Chinese restaurant.”

Rose quickly replied, “yes……….! That will do.”

In the restaurant we are about too order our food, but the waiter is already ready with our food and drinks. Because we are being their regular customers, they knew what we would order. Rose takes a quick look at the counter and spies the French fries.

And asked the waiters, “Can I have them along with my order.”

The waiter replies, “They are not hot enough, go and grab your usual and special seats and I will warm them and bring them to you.” Rose and I thanked them for their best and kind service.

We went and sat at our special table, which is the far corner of the restaurant, where no one sat. It is just like all other tables, but this one is in a little dark area, where we can see all the other customers, but only few people, who are near to us, are able to see. We started gossip about our hated class and Ms. Einstein. I said, “OH MY GOD!” Today Ms. Einstein came prepared to ask us more obnoxious question, and the main point is to eat our brains. While we are so deep in our discussion our food arrived. We also started eating at the same time.

When we are about to finish our lunch, a guy jumped out of nowhere holding a red rose out to Rose and he said, “Hey Rose, What’s up?” suddenly my eyes shot up to Rose right when she turned towards me. We both are looking at each other’s faces with unreadable expressions and scared. The guy in slow, deep and sweet voice said, “I was waiting for you in front of the college, I really need to share a lot with you.”

Rose with a shriek said,” WHAT……!?”

I am in a panic, looked towards Emily, who sat in front of me, staring with big round eyes, that clearly shows her thinking that, I am untactful. I couldn’t blame her, I have to admit, and I am guilty. I am in a situation, similar to two cars, racing towards me to crash and smash. Just like that, I am in between these two people. I am so deeply into my thoughts and just turned to look at guy, I didn’t find him anywhere. I am searching the whole restaurant for him, wondering where he could be.

Suddenly I heard Emily’s voice popping out, “Hey Rose.” I am startled by the perfectly known voice. I turned around towards Emily and looked at her pale peach colored face, which at this moment looked like a big question mark. For the first time ever I am afraid to talk to Emily. Just looking at her, brought shivers down my spine. The guilt made me feel uncomfortable, look into her eyes. At the moment Emily rolled her eyes at me and pretending the guy is still there, looking at empty space and me, and finally asked with a very small whisper, which only I could hear, “What is all this about?”

I just shrugged, not knowing what to say or what to do. I fixed my eyes on a waiter, who is passing by balancing piles of platters with his two arms. After a few silent moments, I finally taking a long breath asked Emily to go home. She silently nodded with a UN imaginable expression face, when immediately seemed like, she in thinking of me in a different perspective.

During the long silent walk home, it seemed like we have been walking for hours and hours. Neither of us talked to each other. I totally didn’t have any time to talk or convince Emily. I was too occupied in my own thoughts about what will happen between me, Emily and Sam. I walked into my apartment as Emily went to hers without saying anything and seems she is not going to believe me anymore, which kind of reflects her stubbornness and short temper.

I stepped into my apartment, totally confused, upset, and with a blank mind’s took my pink, jeweled call phone out of my handbag, with so much anger, I dialed Sam, in a harsh, devilish voice scold Sam with each and every bad word I know. When I am half way through my scolding’s, he said, “shut up and hung the phone.” I went and sunk into my comfy couch. While I am lying, down. I had many weird thoughts coming to my mind, but I had no one to share with, neither Sam nor Emily. The feeling of loneliness made me feel like; I was the only one in this world. The deep sorrow made me think of my family, how they would have treated me and helped me in all situations. I don't know when or how I feel in a sleep.

After four hours of my long, dream filled nap; I woke up feeling ditsy, unable to walk like an ill person. I dragged myself into the restroom with lot of afford; I pulled myself to the sink and washed my face. The cool water on my face brought me back to my surroundings. I lunge my towel from the rack and started to dab my face. Unexpectedly the door bell rang, which startled me, in addition my body started to heat up and curiosity took over. The anxiety made me rush to the door, I tripped over many things that are in my way and made a big mess and fell on the door.

I pull the door open and sat down right in front of Sam, before me recognizing what just happened. A hand of a familiar person extended towards me, I took his help and got up expectantly to see an angry look on his face, and in contrast he has a big grin on his face.

I am about to apologize to Sam, but I could start he let go of my hand. I shot up at Sam. he slowly closing the door said, “I wasn't expecting that from you.”

I am red in face and afraid to look straight into Sam’s warm hazel colored eyes. I decided to stand and except Sam’s anger against me, because I knew, I am at fault.

“I never taught, you would trick me like this.” Sam said.

“I cared about you more than I cared for me.”

“I loved you so much, than anything that's in this world.”

“I believed in you, more than I believed my family, is this is what you are giving me in return?”

“Till this day you are my only love and hope in my life but , not anymore.”

* * *

“Rose is you alive,” I called out.

“Oh, you are fine; you are coming to college today.”

Rose replied, “of course yeah, I am coming Emily.”

“Did you sleep good last night,” Emily inquired.

“Why you are a question box today.” Rose comments towards Emily.

“Did he break up with you?”

I could see the worry and wonder in Rose face.

“What are you talking about Emily?”

With the deepest voice I could imitate I said, “Don't play games with me Rose; I know what all happened last night and also the secret that you kept away from me.” I couldn't believe the expression on Rose face, which looked strange. Like a voice recorder, I replayed what I hard last night in Rose apartment. I felt anger building up in me, hatred filled in my body towards Rose. I started spilling my emotions.

“I don't want your friendship anymore.” I said.

“I hate you Emily, you don't know what a friendship is,” said rose and ran back to apartment.

As usual the next day morning, I called Rose to join me to college. I waited for a long time for Rose's replay but there isn't a word from Rose. Until now Rose told me that I am upper hand in both of us, stubborn person, but today Rose showing her attitude made me laugh. Any way it is time for college, I figured out she is not goanna come so I carried on by myself.

I am exhausted by the time. I came home. It was a long time without Rose in college. I decided to go upstairs and listen to her side of story and make up with Rose. So, I went up stairs. In the open hallways I can hear nothing but the echo of my foot steps, walking through these hallways made me scare without Rose besides me. I walked up to Rose's front door and knocked saying, this is Emily. I am waiting excepting Rose to open door and call me inside. Unfortunately, she did not open the door thinking that, she might have gone out, so I went back.

After few hours I called to Rose phone to know where she is. But she did not answer my call. This made me worry. I felt bad about treating Rose in a rude manner in a way that no one would do to their friends. Before going to bed I tried calling Rose, but she didn't answer. So I left a message. At night I couldn't sleep at all, I tossed and turned, thinking of Rose.

* * *

-Few Days Later-

The both police are on either of my side guarding me. Rose’s briskly walking up to us with a stiff face and apologetically eyes. I taught Rose would come to me first and save me from danger, unfortunately she went up to Sam, hugged him and whispered something into his ear. Sam instantly talks to the police and made me release.

I want to thank Sam and Rose for their help, but my self-esteem made me change my mind. Therefore I headed into my apartment without a word. Suddenly some one grabbed my hand and pulled me back out of nowhere. I heard Rose apologizing to me about her fake suicide letter. I turned around and hugged Rose, saying nothing matters more than you.