Flirting

by Hana K. Guererro

Dec. 24, 2008

How depressing. It’s the third day of winter break, and I’m supposed to be skiing with mom and Maggie, but I’m sick. I don’t know why Maggie and I decided to have a snow fight so far from our cabin. I got soaked, and we had to make that stupid twenty minute walk home. I had to walk home in wet clothes and water logged shoes, while Maggie miraculously had been able to stay dry during our snow fight. This morning brought a hundred and three degree fever. Great. Well, we’ll just have to see how long my fever lasts.

Jan. 3, 2008

I had to wait it out for a week before we could pack up and go home. That means, while I suffered, mom and my bratty little sister had fun skiing. At least Maggie can’t have the satisfaction of saying I ruined her Christmas vacation. Hah! Anyways, I was pretty much too tired and weak to do anything else after we got back, which REALLY sucked on New Years, since I was invited to this party that was supposedly really fun. Damn. But, I guess reading Jane Austen books (my favorite) and a few Georgia Nicholson books (again. They are so funny. Especially when Georgia falls into a river) isn’t so bad either.

Jan. 5, 2009

First day of second semester classes. Nothing too interesting happened. The only thing is when I got back to school this morning, I was secretly hoping something exciting would happen, like in one of Jane Austen’s books. The only “exciting” thing that happened was some guy I’d never seen before transferred into my art class. It was one of those guys. You know, one of those “bro’s-gone-hipster,” which was obvious, and I’m definitely right about, since he sat with one of them. I have a tendency to dislike these kinds of boys. The bro’s, I mean. It’s very immature of me, I know, but it’s kind of a learned behavior I picked up around eighth or ninth grade. It’s a trick that makes you feel better in the vicious middle school social scene when you aren’t part of the few select “cool kids” (bro’s included). You tell yourself the “cool kids” aren’t worth your time, they’re just mean, cruel people anyways. And it works, to some extent. But now, it’s high school, and that doesn’t really happen anymore. So I have to make myself stop thinking like that. That new kid I was talking about is probably just as nice as the next guy. Plus, its just like my eighty year old neighbor said to my mom: “Everyone shits. If someone intimidates you, imagine them taking a shit, and that’ll bring them right back down to your level.” But back to new bro-boy. Who is getting on my nerves. And no more insecurities! More homework, less procrastinating. Ok, I'm stopping- no more journaling for now. I’ll report back when something interesting finally happens in my life.

Jan. 25, 2009

I finally told Mary that I had been noting something weird with the new bro-boy. I think his name is Jason. That’s a lie. I know it’s Jason. I’m really good at remembering names, (I have a good memory in general, so remembering his name isn’t new) even though I always fake a bad memory. But, back to what I told Mary. I called her after school on the pretense of boredom and not wanting to do my homework, which was true, but mostly I called her because I wanted to see if she also thought it was unordinary. Our conversation went sort of like this:

“Hey,” I said.

“Hey. What’s up?”

“Nothing much,” I lied. “Just kinda bored and don’t really want to do my homework. Same old, same old.”

“Cool.”

“Well you don’t seem talkative. What’s up with you?”

“Oh,” she sighed, “nothing really. Just had a long day and I'm tired as usual.” It was at this point that I realized she wouldn’t be too alert, and I hoped she’d pay enough attention to tell me what I wanted to hear.

“Oh, I'm sorry. Hey, um, I had a question, and I thought you’d know better since you have more experience with relationships…”

“Ok. Shoot.”

“Ok.” I paused. “Well, see there’s this guy in my art class and I think he’s kinda cute…” I waited again, waiting for her to say something, to encourage me. She didn’t say anything. “And I keep thinking he’s staring at me. Sometimes, when I look at him, he looks away really quickly, or if I look in his direction, he’s blatantly staring in mine. It’s kinda weird, and I can’t tell if he’s just some weird staring person, or if, you know…”

“Um, I don’t really know what to say. I mean, I wouldn’t know since I’m not there…”

She didn’t say anything I wanted to hear. Damn. I know it couldn’t really mean anything, duh, it’s just its weird if someone stares at you when you look at them, and doesn’t always stop. Or, if you look at them, or in their direction and they quickly, ever so quickly, avert their eyes. Its that flick of the eyes that’s so confusing, and it- wait. What am I talking about? Its just in my mind. I'm probably just making it up. I AM making it up. Gah! This is what happens when you don’t get along with your mom and sister and barely even see your dad. You get lonely and then you imagine stuff. I mean, yah you have friends and they love you and all that, but its that extra love that you’re missing out on. And then a boy has to come along, and unknowingly set you off. And-argh! Not worth it. Nevermind.

Mar. 30, 2009

OK. So it’s been awhile since my last entry. It’s just school gets in the way of everything. Plus I’ve been a little distracted. It’s that boy I’ve been writing about. For the past three entries-that’s sad. He’s not the only interesting thing in my life though - my crazy uncle is visiting. But that’s a whole journal entry in itself. My uncle is nuts- he made a “music video” for the song Red Wine (you know, the one Bob Marley sings) by filming all the empty wine and tequila bottles and beer cans around his house. Then he showed it to me and Maggie. She’s ten. Anyways - back to the boy. He seems like a nice guy, at least he has been to me. If I need something, he’ll get it for me too. And he makes me laugh. He’s just so funny. Him and this other boy started reading this comic book about a little boy and a tiger, which in itself (the comic book) way funny. But the way they read the book! Actually the other boy had the silliest voice, but that’s not really the point. The weird thing is it felt like they were reading to me, specifically. They were sitting in from of me, across the table and they brought the book over to me. I dunno - but it was nice. Especially since my relationship with my mom is on the rocks and Maggie is just the average annoying little sister. But back to Jason. A couple of days ago, he was wearing a pair of sunglasses and he began looking in my direction with the sunglasses on. I turned and told him to stop staring at me because it was making me uncomfortable (embarrassed more like. And I was also afraid I’d begin to blush). He replied that he wasn’t staring and slowly pulled his sunglasses down to show me that he was looking in the opposite direction of where I was sitting. How frustrating! He obviously was staring at me when his sunglasses were on. Duh. Only an idiot would deny that. This is the kind of thing that confuses me. This flirtatious teasing. It’s very difficult to handle, especially if you don’t know why the other person is doing it to you.

Apr. 10, 2009

I DON’T UNDERSTAND WHY I HAVE TO STAY HOME! Maggie isn’t so young that she can’t stay at home by herself! Mary told me that she got invited to this party and asked me if I wanted to come. When I ask mom if I can go out to Mary’s (I could never generalize and say “going out.” Mom would ask too many questions and get suspicious - why is she so strict? I don’t understand how other people can escape their parents’ attentions and suspicions so well…), mom forces me to stay home and baby-sit. That’s always the reason I can’t go out - Maggie. I don’t see why she just can’t go over to a friend’s house or something. Why not hire a REAL babysitter? Crap. Mom just wants to ruin my life and make me a social hermit so that I can do well in school and go to college. Not that it really makes a difference in my study habits. And Maggie could at least help me - Why can’t she just be a good sister instead of an annoying little twit? It’s like she’s trying to spite me too. Now everyone is going to have a fun night except me. Great.

Apr. 24, 2009

Woah. By far the most forward thing he has done yet. I was sitting on a table in art, one that was by the doorway, waiting for the bell to ring and talking to Jason. Jason was telling me about the party Mary invited me to (damn. He was there and I wasn’t), and I was saying how Mary told me about it, but I couldn’t go because I had to baby-sit Maggie. I’m still mad at her about that. Anyways, Jason said something along the lines of “the party was hella fun, it’s too bad you didn’t come. And then he stepped closer to the table and me. He put his hands on the edge of the table, on each side of my knee, leaned in towards me, looked me in the eye, said, “Like I said, it sucks that you weren’t there,” and grinned. This totally took me off guard. He was just SO close. He smelled musky, and not necessarily in a good way, and I could tell he was wearing cologne. It was weird. It was a little attractive and repulsive at the same time. If he hadn’t smelled, it would have been more attractive. But the smell just completely ruined it. Well, maybe not completely. I think I actually kind of liked it. Except for, you know, what I said before.

May 3, 2009

What the fuck? Jason does that whole leaning-in thing, and then I see him holding hands with some other girl. I should have known. He did start to tone down the flirting about a week after the leaning in thingy; he didn’t do anything nearly as drastic. But what a tease! What he did is so obnoxious. To just lead me on like that- especially a girl that’s not as “cool” as him. I actually thought I had a shot. I even told Mary that he had a crush on me because of all the attention he was giving me. And she was going to ask his friend if he (Jason) liked me. How embarrassing it would have been if she had. Because then Jason’s friend would have told him, and then where would I be? I’ll tell you where: everyone at school would have eventually found out that I fell for Jason. I would be the new laughing stock at school. God, I don’t even want to think about it.

But it didn’t happen that way-I found Jason out the easy way. He was just toying with me. Its going to be so annoying, and a little humiliating for me (and my ego) to have to see him everyday, let alone put up with any possible future flirting. Because, even though he’s toned it down, the flirting hasn’t stopped. Maybe he’s just a touchy-feely person, so holding hands with that girl didn’t mean anything.

May 3, 2009 -- 9:00 PM

No. I highly doubt it. Jason has to be dating that girl. Ugh. What a tease. What ever. That girl can have Jason and his musky-self. I don’t really care. Shouldn’t really care. I need to stop writing about Jason and do my homework. No more. Homework is more important. Off I go…