Lifeless

by Emily Cote

The moment my dad mentioned Lucy I took an instant dislike towards her. It was her weak and childlike voice that echoed in my head before I went to sleep. She was frail and timid, almost like a frightened bunny. She had dark chestnut brown hair that was cut to her chin with a bony body frame I imagined creaked every time she made a quick movement. I hated that he chose her of anyone. We were polar opposites, people always felt my presence; my outgoing and strong personality constantly shone through. She, on the other hand, was helpless and vulnerable, often mistaken for my sister or friend.

It disgusted me.

It was my junior year of high school when my parents split. They sat me down in our spacious family room and explained my dad was unhappy with their marriage and he would be moving out. I sat there stiff with neither a smile or frown, tears slid down my cheek.

“Jess, is it okay with you?” they both questioned.

I ran to my room, put in my headphones and tried to forget it all.

Over the next two days my dad was in and out, packing up boxes and boxes of belongings. I think it hit me more when I saw this, he had forever been my best friend and the only person I relied on entirely, I never wanted to see him go. The past five years had been rocky with my mom and I because she drove me to a point nobody else would, my anger would build up with the constant nagging that eventually every month or so I’d blow up. Day by day I began to miss my father more and more.

We usually met over dinner once a week or so, this night it was sushi. I liked these nights we spent together, but with my dads job having him work all over the country it was rare I would ever see him more than this. I loved him but I felt left behind. When I was young he was there a lot more, but around eleven the more money and jobs, the less I saw of him. We never had to worry much about cash, I wasn’t ever one of those real rich girls who love to flaunt their wealth. I had known what it was like to not have much from before, and to me money wasn’t happiness. I had felt like my dad was starting to believe it was.

“Jess,” he started. “Tonight’s important, there was something I wanted to let you know but I wanted you to hear it through me, not your mother or anyone else. I don’t know exactly how to put it though.”

“It can’t be that bad…just tell me,” I replied.

“Well…I met someone”

I thought for a second, this someone was most definitely a somebody, a woman.

“Uh okay…” it wasn’t a shock, but still I wasn’t very fond of the idea. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I don’t know if it necessarily means anything hon,” he explained. “It’s all new.”

“Who is this person?”

“Lucy,” he replied. “She’s great, you’ll like her.”

“I don’t know…”

He cut me off, “No, really she’s a blast. I know what you’re thinking too. Oh, she’s going to take all my time and things are going to change, but really Jess, everything will be like it’s always been. You’ll get along great, you’ll see.”

I didn’t want to see though. I hadn’t even met Lucy, but yet she was nobody I ever wanted to let into my life. I felt the tears well up in the crease of my eyes as they slowly streamed down my cheek like melting ice on a warm day.

“Oh, Jess. Don’t get upset, this is really all just recent. I’m not marrying Lucy, there’s no need to cry.” His attempt at comforting me wasn’t helping, the rest of the night I felt confused and betrayed by the one person I trusted most in my world, my father.

Months passed as things with my mom continued to get more arduous. I needed my space and she couldn’t give me it. I knew soon I needed to get out of there. It wasn’t scarce my dad and I talked about the issues going on with her, and I told him how I felt. Their relationship had gotten worse and I knew they had more going on than what either of them told me. For a weeks we went over whether me living with him would work or not, I had yet to meet Lucy and I knew moving in with him this would probably change. Regardless, with this possibility I still felt like living with him would work out much better. I moved in that Sunday.

Everything was going great the first few months. His penthouse was lavish and roomy, he had his space and I had mine, this is what I had needed most. Yet, still in the back of my mind I wondered when that time would come. The night I would meet this unknown woman my father seemed to gain some sense of excitement and newfound youth from. In my imagination I would picture her, but to finally be introduced would be a whole different thing. I never asked questions because it hurt too much, it never crossed my mind how much I would truly begin to hate Lucy.

It was two weeks later he brought her up.

“Jess, I’ve really been wanting to ask you something. Luc and I have been spending more time together and she’s really expressed interest in meeting you. I want to bring her over for dinner maybe Thursday this week, but I felt like I should run it past you before being the first time you guys would be meeting and all. What you thinking?”

I hesitated, “I don’t know.”

“Hey, give her a chance okay?”

“Well… alright.”

Lucy came over that Thursday and as soon as she stepped through the door I felt an immediate sense of resentment as I finally could put a face to this woman. She greeted me with a soft hello and I returned the favor with a cold hi. Throughout the dinner I become increasingly annoyed with her fragile and somewhat pathetic personality. I wished she would leave sooner, I could tell she was trying to have me like her but everything about her made me dislike her even more. Finally she left, a relief I couldn’t wait to feel. My dad was ecstatic; he thought everything went well just as planned. I became even more annoyed.

Lucy came by more and more frequently. Every time it would be the same, she would try to make conversation and eventually I’d find my way to my room or somewhere else. I think she got the picture somewhat but every week that passed her presence and relationship with my dad angered me more and more.

That day in school seemed like forever. We dropped Lucy back at her apartment before so I knew the bus to take that would drop me off a few blocks away. I couldn’t stand the thought of her anymore and I didn’t care what it took, she needed to be out of my life for good. I caught the 82 and walked three blocks to her building. Walking up the stairs I knew what I was about to do, fear and excitement rushed through my body like a thrashing current. My knuckles thudded against the wooden door as I heard her footsteps come nearer.

“Hi. I wasn’t expecting to see you Jess. Is everything okay?” she looked at me surprised.

“Yea, I know this is weird,” I said. “I needed to talk to you about something.”

“Come in.”

“How about some tea?” she asked softly.

“Sure.”

This gave me time I needed to go through the plan one last time. I went to the bathroom and took out the mailing tape, ripping off a long piece. I shut the door silently and calmly walked into the kitchen with the tape behind my back. She stood there her back turned to me, the sad little person she was. I hated her.

Getting closer I grabbed her by the wrists and taped them together. She shrieked and screamed my name; elation filled me at seeing her struggle. I dragged her past the linoleum floor and into the bathroom. After getting her in there I took another piece of tape shutting her mouth from making any more pathetic cries for help. I began to run the bath; I watched her squirm and cry as the water filled the tub. A few minutes passed and I cut the fossit, picking up her 110-pound body and dropping it in the cold water. She shook and splashed, her eyes pleading for her life. I violently grabbed her frail little neck and held it under the water; watching her face become more and more blue. She shook from the frigid water as she slowly reached her death. Guilt never hit me, seeing her pitiful body lay there brought me immense pleasure. I smiled as I realized Lucy was forever gone. Reaching in the water I ripped the tape off her wrists and lifeless lips. I took one last look at her unmoving pupils and closed the door, making sure no trace of me was left.

The phone rang the next night as I heard my dad gasp in confusion. He came into my room; his eyes wet from tears and told me what had happened. Lucy had committed suicide.