My Heartbeat Turns Into

The Sound of Bullets

by Mi-Re Dong

I woke up to the sight of bright light. Where was I?

"Hi there, I'm Journalist Conan. Don't make sudden movements or you will rip the stitches in your shoulder."

I stared and stared some more. Why was she helping me? Why am I not dead?

"Where am I?" I muttered under my breath.

"You're at a United States military base in Northern Uganda," she said with a smile, "I was visiting Nakula middle school when I heard gun shots and ran outside. When I look out the gate I saw some kids running away so I followed them. When I finally caught up I saw you and a little girl bleeding on the ground. You barely made it."

"What happened to the little girl?" I jumped up in curiosity.

"One of the bullets punctured her heart vein which automatically made her heart stop. I'm sorry," she exclaimed as she lowered her head.

“Is it too much to ask to see the little girl?”

"Of course not. I'll take you to see her right now," she exclaimed.

I stood up slowly and a shooting pain filled my shoulder, I cringed but I couldn't stop now. She led me to the room next to mine and opened the door. On the table was a naked body. As I walked over to her, I busted into tears.

“Is it too much for you to talk about what happened when you were with the LRA?” the journalist asked hesitantly.

It started when I was eight years old, I lived in Uganda, Africa with my mother, Zuri, and seven year old sister, Mirembe. My father was killed when I was five years old by the LRA, the Lord’s Resistance Army. Mirembe and I went to school, which was a five minute walk from our home. I would walk her to and from school everyday.

One day my two friends asked me to play basketball after school, so I made Mirembe come with me because she was my responsibility. When we arrived there were five older boys sitting on the dirt watching us while we approached the lopsided handmade hoops. I had an uncomfortable feeling since I had never seen these boys around.

I whispered to my friends, “Maybe we should leave, they don’t look too friendly…”

“Don’t worry, everything is fine you are just being paranoid,” they both laughed back.

The five older boys all stood up at once and strutted towards us. I grabbed Mirembe and turned around to leave.

“Mirembe, if anything happens I want you to drop everything and run home as fast as possible. You understand?” I stuttered in her ear.

“Hey! Don’t walk away. We just wanted to play basketball with you guys,” the tallest guy shouted.

I peeked over my shoulder and saw them sprinting towards us. Mirembe and I started running while my two friends followed. My friends ran past me, and did not even bother to help me grab Mirembe.

I suddenly felt a sharp pain on the back of my head, but I knew I could not let the rocks stop me. I pushed Mirembe and told her to run. I saw tears pour down her face while she screamed for help. I turned around to see five huge guys chasing after me. My heart beat turned into the sound of bullets. When they reached me I was surrounded from all sides. The leader slightly opened his hunter green jacket to show me a glimpse of his hand gun.

“Don’t get smart with me,” he smirked.

As I looked around, I saw that now there were only four guys around me. I looked in front and saw one of the guys grab Mirembe from the back.

“You motherfucker, let her go!” I yelled at the top of my lungs.

I felt someone punch my side from the back and I slowly fell to my knees. I felt dizzy and could barely keep my eyes open. I saw Mirembe in the distance being pulled by her hair behind a garbage dumpster. I could hear her screaming my name. I tried to get up but they kicked me and smashed my face into the ground. My eyes unknowingly shut and the last image I saw was my sister’s body lying on the cold ground.

When I regained consciousness and the smell of blood filled the air, I kept my eyes shut. My body started to shake. Where was I? I slowly peeked out if the corners of my eyes, praying that no one would see me. I spotted two kids around my sisters age standing at the curtain entrance, I sighed with relief as I slowly stood up. Both of the boys’ eyes darted in my direction as one of them ran to my side and aimed his AK-47 at my head. The boy who was still guarding the front entrance started screaming for someone by the name of Joseph Kony. Where have I heard that name before? Before I could even think, I saw an oily faced black man staring at me with eyes ready to kill. It was him, the one they called ‘God’, the one my mother told me to watch out for. He walked towards me, and the five boys that were at the basketball hoops followed behind him with big grins on their faces. I started to scoot back until a wooden pole got in my way. There was no way out.

“Where’s my sister? I want to see my family!” I screamed while tears ran down my face.

Joseph Kony lifted me up by my dusty school uniform and bashed my head against the pole.

“Get him out of these clothes! Bring him outside to the lines,” he yelled to the boys.

They all walked towards me while I was trying to keep consciousness. They stripped me of the only things I could remember home by. They put an oversized camouflage jacket and pants, and dark green boots filled with bullets. Two boys dragged me outside to small field. All I could see were dead bodies, even soldier’s bodies. What is this place?

I heard bullets clinging against the ground and as I looked up, I saw him.

“These bodies will be you if you disobey me. All of those people went against the word of God. Follow God and you will live. Understand?” he calmly whispered in my ear.

“Yes sir, I understand,” I stammered back.

“Good boy.”

God snapped his fingers and a man started walking towards us with a kid in a blindfold over his shoulders. He threw the boy to the ground and took off his blindfold. I recognized him, his name was Dayo, and he always helped the little kids get home safely. Why was he here? What was happening? Suddenly, Joseph Kony yanked my arm and placed what seemed to be a hundred pound gun in my hand.

“Now kill him,” he said as he looked into my eyes with excitement.

“Wh-what?” I dropped the gun to the ground and stared into Dayo’s puffy eyes. “I-I can’t.”

He took the gun and jabbed my stomach.

“If you can’t then I will have someone else kill both of you. It will be a waste to lose two boys instead of one,” he laughed. “So what will it be?”

I reached for the AK-47 that he was holding out. My fragile arms could barely hold it up while I aimed, and my hands started to shake like poison had reached my heart.

I closed my eyes and shot. I missed. I shot it again. I missed.

“Don’t fucking close your eyes! Look where you’re aiming,” he exclaimed as he smacked the back of my head.

I kept my eyes open and aimed for his head, before I released the trigger, my eyes met his. I saw his face brighten up with a smile. Why was he smiling?

‘Boom!’ Not even one sound came from his mouth. His head jolted back and pieces of his face scattered to the ground. Blood. Too much blood.

My hands dropped to my sides and the gun fell with it. Before I realized what I had done, they brought out a line of children.

“These kids are useless to me, kill them all.”

I bent down and saw splatters of blood on my new uniform. My body shivered in terror. As I stood up, I noticed not all of the kids were boys. There were many little girls there too.

“This is your destiny. You must kill anyone who gets in your way. You must prove your loyalty to God,” he exclaimed in a stern voice.

I opened my eyes wide and started shooting recklessly. The sound of the piercing bullets increased my heart beat every time. By the end I felt as if I didn’t even have a heart anymore.

“Take him back and start the treatment,” Joseph Kony said.

Three men carried me into a small black tent which could only fit couple kids. They laid me on my stomach and tied my arms to the front post and my legs to the back. I could barely breathe unless I wanted to choke on the dust that was under me. Seconds, minutes, hours went by. How many days have I been tied up like this? I was only given leftover meals from time to time.

After what felt like years, Joseph Kony walked in and untied me. He picked me up and told me I was to become a child soldier. My duty was to serve him and kill everyone that got in my way, even if it was my comrade.

One of my duties to Joseph Kony was to invade Nakula middle school and gather as many children as possible. Mandulu, the one who abducted me, was the captain for the mission. We arrived just when lunch started and student trickled out of their classrooms. There was about fifteen of us. It was time.

“Kirabo, grab that little girl in the dress. Hurry!” Mandulu whispered.

I let my dark ashy arms reach for the girl’s silky yellow dress. She turned to me with a soft smile, and shiny hazel eyes; she reminded me of my sister. I grabbed the girls arm as gently as I could. She looked over with scared eyes and let out a small yelp. One of the teachers spotted us and alerted the children to go in.

“We can’t fuck this up now. Master Kony is counting on us. Grab all the children you can, you fucking idiots!” Mandulu screamed while he carried a child under both of his arms.

I let go of the little girl’s arm and told her to run. She just stood there staring blankly into my eyes. My captain’s assistant heard what I said to her, and he dragged the girl by her arms to our meeting spot. When I finally caught up with everyone, I was the last to show up and the only one who came empty handed.

Mandulu was furious that I was going to let the little girl get away.

“I won’t kill you, if you have your fun ways with the little girl,” Mandulu grinned.

“What? Why? She didn’t do anything!” I screamed in terror.

“If you don’t do it, we will all have our share with her. How does that sound?”

Mandulu picked the little girl up by her chocolate hair and threw her to my feet. I can’t do this; she resembles my sister way too much. I looked down at her crying face, I wiped the tears from her cheeks.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered in embarrassment.

She just smiled back like it was all a game.

After a while, Mandulu grabbed my shirt and yanked me off of her. He reached for his AK-47 and shot her again and again and again. I couldn’t move, my legs were numb.

“You fucking savage!” I yelled as I jumped on to Mandulu’s back.

‘Boom!’ My shoulder went numb.

‘Boom!’ My ear went numb.

I found myself lying on the floor parallel to the little girl. My heart beat was faint, and her heart beat was gone. I tried to reach for her little hands. Got them. My mind and body went unconscious. Was I dead? Good. Too much war. And now there is no more war for me.

“I woke up here and now I'm talking to you,” I said to the journalist.

I leaned over the little girl’s body, "I'm sorry I couldn't save you, just like how I couldn't save my little sister." I stood there with her hands in mine.