Comatose

by Kali Boykin

I step into the familiar white room with its blank walls and clean tile floors. The plain gray curtains are open letting the sunlight stream in. It hits Hannah’s pale face as she lay in the hospital bed for what seems like years but was really only weeks. My eyes are red, swollen and have dark circles underneath them from lack of sleep. I sit down in my usual spot next to Hannah’s bed. I take her limp hand as I watch her sleep like I have done since she got here. The doctors say that even though she’s in a coma she can still hear me when I talk to her.

I grab the latest issue of Seventeen Magazines that I picked up on my way to the hospital. I begin reading it to her, laughing and smiling as if she’s going to respond any second with her own feedback. After a while I get to the end of the magazine and toss it aside. I sit back and just watch her lie there. Her brown curly hair splayed out on the pillow and over the tubes hooked up to her mouth helping her breathe.

“Come on Han wake up. You’ve got to wake up” I whisper as I grab her hand studying the scratches and bruises along her arms and head. Most of them have already healed. But the deep red gash on her forehead stands out against her pale skin. I reach up and lightly trace the jagged scar with my finger, Tears brimming in my eyes once again. I look up at the door when I hear footsteps expecting to see the doctor. It was only my mother. She looks sleep deprived. She walks in silently and stands there staring at Hannah. Gradually she looks away from her and her gaze lands on me. A sad smile on her face.

“Hey Violet,” she says in a barely audible whisper. I smile at my mom and sit down again when my stomach growls loudly. It’s then that I realize that I had come straight here without eating. My mother makes her way to me and gently puts her hand on my back

“Go get something from the cafeteria, you need to eat,” she says. I reluctantly get up and drop my sister’s hand, looking at her once more before wiping my face quickly and leaving the room. I notice my father sitting outside a distracted look on his face. When I pass him he looks up as if he’s seeing me for the first time, pats me on the back gently. The cafeteria is quiet because of the early hour. I pay for the food consisting of a bagel and two cups of coffee and juggle everything as I walk back to the room. My dad hasn’t moved since I left. I hand him a cup of coffee and creamer which he takes gratefully. When I get inside, my mother is sobbing heavily on Hannah’s arm immediately the guilt I felt when the accident happened comes rushing back. I have to fight back the urge to break down right where I’m standing.

“Mom?” She looks up, wiping her tears taking the coffee and creamer that I hand her. I gently steer my mom in the direction of the chair that’s by the open window hoping the breeze will calm her down. She sits down and stares out the window her hot coffee cupped in both hand, her cheeks wet from her tears. I sit next to Hannah and look down at my food preparing to eat, but suddenly the warm delicious bagel that I had bought only moments ago seems gross and unappealing. I get up to throw it away but I notice my mom looking at me.

“Violet, eat please. You won’t do your sister any good if you’re not healthy when she wakes up,” I contemplate her words and finally sit back down forcing myself to eat the bagel. As I hold my sister’s hand and tears sting my eyes once again. One thought runs through my mind over and over; I should be in this bed not Hannah.

I laid my head down next to Hannah and before I knew it I drifted off to sleep….

“Come on Hannah! Let’s go”

“I’m coming! Violet! Gosh you are so impatient!” Hannah said with a frustrated sigh as she came down the stairs, her orange flip flops making a steady clacking sound against the hardwood floor. Violet sat on the couch downstairs, her bags all spread out in front of her as played with the frayed pink bracelet on her wrist excitedly.

“Hannah! They’re going to leave me if we’re late!” Violet yelled out frustrated and excited. Violet heard the refrigerator door open and close, then a few seconds later the sound of Hannah coming into the living room. A ripe red apple was in one hand as Hannah walked past the couch and lightly tugged at one of Violet’s French braids.

“Let’s go munchkin” Hannah said playfully to Violet as she grabbed the keys off the hook and walked out the house. Violet scrambled to get her bags as she followed her older sister outside, lugging her things to the white jeep parked in the driveway. Hannah helped her sister get her bags in the trunk and both girls slid into car. As they drove along Violet bounced her knee up and down enthusiastically. Every so often tugging at her bangs. Hannah glanced at her excited sister.

“Relax Violet! Gosh you look like you’re ready to jump out the car this instant!” Hannah joked laughing.

“I’m just so excited! I’ve never been to France before!” Violet gushed. Hannah smiled at how excited her sister was getting. Violet’s whole 12th grade French class was going to France as a little end of the year graduation trip and ever since it was announced she had been counting down the days. Suddenly Violet’s face dropped into a frown. Hannah glanced at her sister and her eyebrow’s furrowed with confusion.

“What’s wrong Violet? You were just hardly able to contain yourself a few minutes ago!” Hannah pointed out. Violet sighed heavily looking out the window.

“I still AM excited I just wish mom and dad could have been here to see me off too” Violet explained. Hannah put one hand on her sister’s knee which was still slightly shaking.

“I know me too but you know they both take their jobs super serious. I’m sure they would be here if they could!” Hannah said patting her sister’s knee reassuringly. Violet sighed.
“I know I know” she mumbled.

They drove in silence the only sound coming from the jingle of Violet’s anklet as she shook her leg. Violet was listening to her iPod on full blast and looking out window smoothing out her already frizzy hair. Hannah’s phone rang out and she went to take it out her pocket, she grabbed the phone but it slipped dropping to the ground and buzzing uncontrollably. “Violet…Violet…VIOLET!” Hannah said getting annoyed that her sister wasn’t answering her. “Violet can you get….” Hannah started before noticing the reason she wasn’t answering her was because she was deep into her music. Hannah let out a frustrated sigh and began feeling for the phone reaching down and with one hand and the other on the steering wheel.

Violet saw her sister reaching down looking for something, one hand on the steering wheel. She looked up just in time to see the car swerve as it headed for a big, white delivery truck. “HANNAH THE CAR!” Violet screamed out scared as the truck beeped its horn loudly, its yellow lights bright and flashing as it got closer and closer……

My eyes popped open wide with fear. My heart was racing as I sat up straight, my nails digging into the palms of my hand leaving red marks. I looked around my eyes adjusting to the scene around me. My mom was on the couch where I left her sleeping and Hannah’s hand was wet with my tears.

“I’m so sorry Hannah! I’m sorry I wasn’t paying attention! It’s all my fault!” I said sadly.

I looked up and saw my mother. Seeing her standing over me like that I felt this rush of anger and resentment towards both my parents. I got up quickly moving away from her. I looked over and saw the look of confusion on her face.

“Don’t…don’t touch me right now” I said my voice shaking as I tried to control my anger. My mother made a slight move to come towards me again but stopped short as I moved back again.

“What’s wrong?” She asked genuinely confused. I laughed.

“Seriously. You’re really asking what’s wrong?” I said abandoning my attempt to stay calm as I noticed my voice rising higher with every word. I made an elaborate gesture at my sister’s bed.

“You and dad are part of the reason she’s here!” I yelled now not caring who heard. My mother looked hurt, she backed away from me looking as if I had hit her across the face. Just then my father walked in the room brows furrowed hearing the noise.

“What’s going on?” He asked jamming his hands in his pockets. I stayed quiet fuming, I could feel my face getting hot and my ears burning.

“If you two hadn’t been so wrapped up in your stupid jobs Hannah wouldn’t have had to drive me and we wouldn’t have gotten into the accident and we wouldn’t be standing here right now!” I yelled balling my fists up. My father came closer to me taking his hands out his pocket.

“It’s nobody’s fault that Hannah is in this condition Violet, not mine, not yours and not your mother’s” He said his voice even. I gave a short, mocking laugh.

“So you’re telling me that we would still be here if you and mom took one lousy day off to drive me to the airport?” I asked. My father opened his mouth to speak but closed it again.

“Exactly” I said.

“Hannah and I, we had our fights, we didn’t always get along but in the end we always were there for each other” I said my voice cracking as hot tears ran down my face.

“Which is so much more than I can say for you two! How many birthdays have you missed?” I asked shaking from the anger. My parents just stood there stunned.

“Lost count?, It was 5” I said holding up five shaking fingers.

“Five birthday’s that you two forgot because you guys worked so much, and all of those times even if we were fighting we pulled together and made the person who’s birthday was forgotten feel extra special.” I said as the tears streamed down my face making my nose run. The room was quiet for a long time as I take several deep breaths trying to calm myself down. It felt good to get it off my chest. Finally my mom spoke up.

“Violet, were so sorry,” She says trying to come towards me once again. I back away quickly.

“Save it” I say looking passed them and staring at my sister. Her eyes flutter open and I run to her side. “Hannah?” I say, my heart beating out my chest in anticipation. I take her hand as my parents crowded around the other side of the bed, careful not to come anywhere near me. Hannah squeezes my hand weakly as my father ran out the room to call a nurse. I smile wiping my tears as I looked into her eyes. A single tear comes down her eye and she gave the slightest smile. The machine flat lined and I screamed.

“No, no, no.” I said over and over as I backed away from my sister. The doctors suddenly rush in and pushed me and my family out the way. We wait in the hall, my knees pulled up to my chest as I rocked back and forth. Images of me and Hannah when we were little flood my brain.

“This can’t be happening” I whisper to myself. My parents are huddled by the big window looking into the room. It seemed like an eternity before a doctor came out the room shuffling his feet and looking down at his chart before looking back at our expectant faces.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

A few years later…

“Violet come on were going to be late” My mom yelled from where my parents were waiting by the front door downstairs.

“Coming” I said going downstairs. I stopped on my way down touching the picture of me and Hannah a few summers ago by the lake. Our dad had captured the picture right when we had gotten out the water. Our hair was dripping wet and Hannah had her arm slung around my shoulder, we were smiling like kids in a candy store. I sighed heavily before skipping the last few steps and meeting my parents.

Hannah had always been the glue to our family and when she died we all felt our family falling apart. I was holed up in my room all the time refusing to talk to anybody especially my parents. My mom and dad had tried to get through to me at first but soon gave up completely, throwing themselves into work once again. It was my mom who had first suggested family therapy. She saw what was happening and what would happen if our family continued on the way it was going. My father resisted at first but after a few weeks and my mother talking to him about it non-stop he finally gave in. It’s been a month since Hannah’s death and a few weeks since we started therapy but I can already see a little bit of a change. I’m slowly forgiving my parents. As a family all the problems that were pushed aside are coming up to the surface and we are slowly working through them. The biggest thing that we are talking about and that I’m coming to terms with is that tragedy is supposed to bring families closer not pull them apart.