The Sneaky Sleeper

by Emily Coté

The decision was always the hardest part. They all looked so comfortable, much better than the hard concrete pavement Bug was used to. So far his plan was working, it had been three weeks tonight. The huge blue and yellow building had quickly become some sort of haven each night as he stretched his legs, rolling around in the covers.

That Sunday three weeks ago, Bug pushed his shopping cart consisting of his sleeping bag, a few cans, his backpack, extra shoes and an apple juice under the freeway passing. Suddenly those four towering letters appeared as he looked up to the overcast sky.

“Ikea...” he repeated in his head. What’s an ikea Bug wondered? He decided to make his way over to the massive blue warehouse to see what this was all about.

After about ten minutes he figured out it was a furniture store by the huge boxes with funny names being pushed out by the passerby’s. Bug went by the side of the building, slumped against the wall and licked his chapped lips.

He had been homeless for about four years now, after his then girlfriend kicked him out because of the drugs. As much as he tried to stop, something about them just made him forget about all the shit going on. He went couch to couch for a few months but gradually his friends weren’t so welcoming. The money he did get from family and doing small jobs here and there was going towards the heroin. He was broke with nowhere to live. The streets had become home.

“Man, how much I would give to just have a full night sleep in a warm bed,” Bug said out loud.

An idea suddenly popped into his head. He could sneak in this Ikea place and hide right before closing. Right after everyone would leave he would have the place to himself. A new bed every night! The only problem would be sneaking in. He didn’t look too nice, he hadn’t shaved or showered in a few weeks now and the stains on his torn jeans had become darker and darker. So there it was, Bug would save his money for the next couple weeks, get some slacks, clean himself up and soon he’d fit the Ikea customer profile.

He made his way back to the front of the store a few weeks later and inspected the exits and entrances around the building. He noticed the cracked door an emergency exit in the back of the store. He found a stick and placed it between the door and its frame, making sure it’d stay open. Every so often he’d come back and check to see if it had gotten moved, it didn’t.

“Do you know when the store closes?” Bug asked the slightly plump brunette as she left the main exit.

“Hmmm…” she thought for a moment. “Nine, I’m almost sure.

“Thanks a lot.”

Bug made his way over to the door to check again and noticed a shaggy looking woman almost hidden behind the faux wall used for a model room. She was pretty, smooth complexion and light green eyes. Her clothes were ragged though; he thought he recognized her from the shelter maybe.

“Psssst,” he whispered.

She looked around not noticing him.

“Hey, over here,” he said a little louder.

“Um hi…do I know you?”

“Well no, but what are you doing back there?”

“Nothing, really nothing. It doesn’t matter. Just ignore me okay? And don’t tell anyone I’m back here.” She said hesitantly.

“I can’t promise that unless you let me know what you’re doing. Now I know what my plan is but tell me yours. Maybe they’re the same.”

“NO! Go away!!!”

“So then where do you think I could get the manager?”

“You asswipe!! Don’t you have something better to do??” she responded even louder,

“Nah, this is quite entertaining. I’m just pretty happy to have a nice warm bed to sleep in free.”

“Huh?”

“I’m getting the whole Ikea to myself! I’m sleeping here. Yea, you could call me Einstein.”

“What?? You CAN”T do that, just don’t. You will be in a heap of shit,”

“And why would you care?? Bug sarcastically responded.

“I mean…it’s wrong.”

“Or maybe because you are doing it yourself!!”

“No!! I couldn’t!” she almost shouted.

“Yes you are.” Bug pointed to the sack by her feet. Inside a toothbrush, sweats and novel.

“Shit! You’re really rubbing me the wrong way,”

“I don’t care. Sorry! But hey, let’s make the best of this little overnight together, what’s your name?

“Ugh, can’t wait,” she could feel the sarcasm leaking out the crease of her lips. “Just call me June.”

“Oh, sexy with a little class!” he laughed.

“Eat your own asshole!”

Bug liked her. She was a bitch but it worked for her. He knew she didn’t really want him there but soon she would really see how great of a guy Bug was. June was feisty and by the end of their time in Ikea he hoped something could come of it. June bug. He liked that.

They made conversation here and there till 9:30 or maybe a little after, making sure everyone was gone in the store. Bug wondered what this would be like. The endless beds, the Swedish snacks, June had told him all about it. He got excited as they walked up the non-moving escalator.

“So what are your plans for the night?” he asked.

“I don’t know, I usually don’t plan it out,” she responded annoyed with his stupid question.

“I’m hungry!”

“Well, there’s the in store restaurant but you have to make sure you clean up or they’ll get suspicious. And there are the snacks. Tons. I can’t cook for shit, that’s where I usually go.”

“Hmmmm…”

June was annoyed. Suddenly the place she had all to herself, her hideaway, had been discovered by this Bug. That’s what he was, a bug. He infested her Ikea with his loud and obnoxious presence. She hoped this wouldn’t last for long.

“I’m going to go check out the snacks,” Bug announced.

“Shhh…you gotta be more quiet and I really don’t care.”

“Want anything?”

“No, I’m fine. I’ll get my own food thank you.”

“Well excuse me princess, just trying to be polite.”

June scowled and walked to her usual spot, the Ibestad bed with the maroon Blåsippa bedspread. She loved this installment; it had become June’s favorite. She dropped her bags on the Ektorp chair and threw herself on the bed.

“Wow, these cookies are great!” Bug yelled from the bathroom section.

“BE QUIET BUG! I’m not getting caught.”

“Bitch,” Bug muttered.

He looked around, searching for a bed. There were so many, probably about fifteen or so, all very colorful. He couldn’t decide so he made his way back down to the basement floor to get some more cookies.

He made his way down the stairs and into the sections where they kept all the Swedish snacks they sold. He was getting hot and decided to take a step outside. He made his way to the front door and flung it open. Suddenly a loud siren began to sound as he ran back inside and bolstered up the stairs to June.

“BUUUUUUGGGG!!!!!!!!!” she screamed.

“What happened? I just went outside and then the alarm went off. I didn’t know! I swear June.”

“I should have never let you come with me. You’ve ruined it!”

“Well what do we do?”

“You’re leaving! I’m going to hide.”

“Well that’s not fair! I didn’t know June! I want to stay here too.”

“No! Get away from me.”

June grabbed her bag and ran to a nearby installment. The closet space was huge in this one and she closed the door. Bug didn’t want to leave; he found a bed close and hid under it. Five minutes later he heard the loud masculine voices.

“You think it was a false alarm Joe?”

“We gotta search just in case. Chief would be pissed if we didn’t.”

“Right.”

Bug saw their footsteps come closer. They stayed close for a few minutes.

“Shit, let’s call it a night Rob. Nobody’s here.”

Bug let out a huge sigh of relief once he heard the door shut

“June they’re gone!” he called.

“Why are you still here Bug?”

“I’m not leaving. Look, I’m sorry it was a mistake but I want to stay here with you.”

“I don’t.”

“Hey, I’m not that bad. You’ll see. I just sometimes rub people the wrong but I really didn’t mean for us to get kicked out. Promise.”

“Okay, okay.”

Bug chose a bed an hour later, the Grimstad. He settled in and thought about everything that happened. He hoped this could work out, staying here and all. And with June but he knew that might take a while. He slowly started to drift off in his newfound comfort but he caught himself before he could forget.

“Night June.”

“Goodnight Bug.”