Superficial Love

by Zakary Altenberg

She looked at herself in the mirror again. Straightened her bangs a little again. Smiled big and checked to make sure there was nothing in between her teeth. Started brushing her teeth again. Chad was going to be there in five or ten minutes. She had that nervous excitement, her hand shaking as she brushed her teeth. She spat, rinsed, spit, rinsed, spat. She smiled again. She went into her bedroom and looked at herself in her tall mirror. She smiled and her pearling whites gleamed back at her. Her wavy brown hair rested on her shoulders and upper chest, her eyes sparkled with anticipation. She was wearing a new pair of jeans and a fresh white v-neck that revealed a little something. She wanted to make him smile at what he had. When was the last time she had dressed up for him even to this degree? She giggled softly to herself and then laughed aloud at the fact that she had just giggled to herself. She went down to the living room. It was a nice warm inviting place with a handmade fireplace, expensive imported couches, soft lighting, and a great view of the New York harbor. Chad, a year older then her, had gotten accepted into his dream school on the west coast. He had told her he would go to NYU because it was close and he couldn’t leave her but she knew his heart really wanted UCLA. She had told him, “Chad you are going to UCLA, I know that’s what you really want to do.”

“Are you mad?” he had asked. “Are you sure?”

It had crushed her when she had dropped him off at the airport. They had been together for almost three years and now he was going to be 3000 miles away. Her high school sweetheart.

The last three months had felt like an eternity. All the i-chat video chats didn’t suffice, she had missed him so much. Almost every night they talked on the phone but now he was back for four weeks, his winter break and she was so excited she didn’t know how to compose herself or what to say. She dropped onto a couch and grabbed some recent issue of Us Weekly, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt looking at her from the cover. She had read it a few times already but turned it open and stared at a random page. Any minute she would hear the familiar knock. She wanted to run outside and look for him, but found it in herself to fall into a reserved, non-chalant pose. What should they talk about? She didn’t want to just have sex with him right away. She wanted to build that up. She knew that was probably somewhere on his mind. With most guys it usually is.

Knock, Knock, Knock, Knock, Knock

She put down the magazine and went to the door. As she walked up to it she could see his strong stare, looking at her through the window on the top of the door. He grinned. She opened the door with a closed mouth but slowly turned that into a huge smile. He didn’t move for a second and then moved towards her, she giggled and ran. He tackled her into the couch and hugged her. She smiled, “Someone’s been working out.”

“Yeah you know, college, got to get my grown man on,” he smiled. Then they kissed, and made out for a good minute. After they caught their breath he said, “So how has my better half been without me?”

“You know how sick I am of high school, everybody is so immature and shit, I just want to get into UCLA and be with you.”

“I had to go through senior year too, and it wasn’t that bad, it was pretty fun actually.”

“Just because you had me to hang out with all the time…”

He laughed, “Now at least you have gotten to spend more time with friends and Vanessa. Does she still despise me?”

“Nope, she forgave you even though you stole me from her.”

“Good ‘cause I used to have the feeling she wanted to kill me,” he said.

“Yeah she probably did, but me and her are really close again… I just missed you so much.”

“I missed you so much too.”

“I missed you too much. Just too many nights feeling hell of alone.”

“Yea, long distance relationships really do suck, but when I walked through your door it was all worth it,” he said with a sly smile.

“Nice corny line, Chad!” she laughed at him and hugged him.

“It was corny but I meant it.”

“Sure…”

“Lets go upstairs and cuddle in your bed baby.”

“Hmm… sounds like somebody wants something,” she smiled a secretive smile.

“Your smiles tell me somebody also wants the same thing,” he mimicked her smile.

They got up and holding hands ascended up her spiral staircase. He was a handsome guy, Chad, golden wavy hair, short and sweeping across to the left of his face just above his brown eyes. He had just shaved his brown beard but his five o’clock shadow had arrived early. He was a solid 6 feet and an inch, and was good with words. Melissa had started going out with him her freshman year of high school. He was already an established sophomore flirt, and had smooth talked his way with a few upper classman girls. She was in his Spanish class and they had sat next to each other the first semester always talking and “working” together. Halfway into the year he had asked her out.

After that it was a strong two and a half years of a high school relationship. Even though he had cheated on her a couple times she really did love him. He had told her it was just drunk meaningless shit and he barely remembered it and it was poor decision-making and how he wanted her and only her forever, but the bottom line was she was blinded by her love for him. He had become the core of her life. If she wasn’t with him she was thinking about him. She had never really gone out to parties so she didn’t have much of a social life. Her best friend since the 2^nd grade,w Vanessa had been neglected in the first few months of her relationship with Chad. They had had a big fight about friendship and what a true friend is all starting with Vanessa’s jealousy, but the truth was Melissa had changed during her relationship with Chad. Chad was everything to her. When he had gone off to college she believed that he would stay loyal and not cheat on her because he loved her. She believed him when he told her she was all he needed.

On the phone whenever she brought up partying he would laugh and say, “Of course not, all I do is study, study, study and think of you.” If she asked if he had crushes on any of those California girls he would accuse her of not trusting him. She really did trust him.

They got to her room and Chad kicked off his nice lacoste shoes and dove onto her bed, “Home, sweet home.” She had a cozy, larger sized room, located right above the living room, and right below her parent’s room, sharing the great view of the harbor. She jumped onto her bed and sat next to him.

“So tell something good,” she couldn’t stop smiling.

He looked and then looked away, “We need to talk.”

She stopped smiling, “Um. That sounds too much like some movie shit, what do we need to talk about?”

He stared down and then looked up into her eyes, “I haven’t been completely honest with you.”

“What do you mean? Then be completely honest.”

“Well you know how you ask if I’ve been partying,” he stopped.

“Yeah and you say no, just studying and thinking of me, and of course I know you must go to some parties sometimes just for fun with the friends or something.”

He shook his head, “Actually I party a lot, something like a partyholic. I just feel the need to fill my heart with you not around with liquor and beer and partying.”

“Wow, so now I am equal to liquor and beer and partying, thanks. Well what do you do at the parties, I am assuming there are some girls,” there were no more smiles near her face.

“No you’re not equal to liquor and shit, it doesn’t fill me, I feel lonely and –

“So you sleep with other girls?” she cut in angrily.

“It’s not like that, but a few times I just have gotten really drunk… and couldn’t really remember the next morning and…”

“And?” she showed no emotion.

“And… then I try and roll over and there… I would wake up with a girl in my bed.”

She stared at him in something like disbelief but slowly she believed it. “What the fuck do you expect me to say back to that?”

“Nothing, but just maybe realize how honest I am being with you and it shows how much I love you,” he replied meekly.

“Being honest with me?!” She wasn’t having it.

He stared at her and there was nothing in her eyes, no emotion, no feelings for him. “You are right, I still haven’t been completely honest.”

“There’s more? I should have assumed so, tell me more… asshole,” she was now standing by the window staring at him. He felt like a stranger in her gaze.

“Well… this is just so hard for me to say, I wish I could take it back.” She said nothing. He went on, “Some of the girls have been regulars and I haven’t always been wasted.”

She look at him in true disbelief, “So you are something like a man whore now.”

“No it’s not like that… now being here with you I see that it all wasn’t worth it, you are worth everything to me.”

She look at him and laughed, actually laughed, “Get the fuck out of my house, you did this to me before, and my heart took a hit, but I really did love you. I still do but I realize I deserve better, this time you broke my heart into a million pieces. What did I do to you?” she picked up his shoes, “Leave now.”
He reached out to take his shoes. She pulled them away. He was a little shook up obviously not expected her to take it like this. She had always somewhat worshiped him, and he had expected it to be just a small hump, and she would forgive him. “Can I have my shoes back?”

“Shoes? No, no shoes. Leave, go buy some new ones.”

Now he stared at her in disbelief. He looked at her, he didn’t know what to do and then smiled a little.

“What are you smiling at? You are scum, goodbye, I hope I never see you again.” He had finally got the message he slowly turned around and left. Shoeless.

As soon has he left Melissa dropped his shoes, dove on her bed and started sobbing to herself. Hard sobs. She had never expected something like this to happen. Maybe one girl, maybe. Everything she had believed in for most of her teenage years was gone. Had she actually been in love? Had she actually spent that many hours of her life with somebody? Had he ever felt for her what she had felt for him? Maybe she loved him. She got up and went to her tall mirror and watched the tears run from her eyes.

After what felt like hours she composed herself, wiped her eyes and got out her cell phone. She went to recent calls, down two and hit call.

Ring. Ring. Ring.

“Hey what’s up?”

“Hey… I really need some company.”

“Aren’t you with Chad right now?”

“Nope come over please.”

“Okay I’m on my way.”

“Thanks Vanessa,” she said and hung up.

Fifteen minutes later there was a knocking on the door with a doorbell ring. Melissa opened the door and Vanessa walked in. “It’s over, I just broke up with him.”

“Oh baby, what happened?” Vanessa said, giving her a deep hug.

“Umm… he cheated on me. A lot. And I wasn’t taking it again and I didn’t know I had it in me but yeah,” Melissa said as Vanessa followed her up to her room. They sat down on her bed. “He cheated on me with girls at college, he had sex with other girls, slept with them,” she shook her head.

“You definitely deserve better then that,” Vanessa put an arm around her. “He is such an asshole.”

“You’ve always said that but I can’t believe it’s true, I just don’t know,” she paused and looked into Vanessa’s eyes, “Just like right now I feel no emotion for him, I feel cleansed like a burden was lifted, but will I start missing him? Was I just keeping it going for to long?”

“I don’t know, you know me I’ve never really been in a relationship, just drunk hookups over here,” Vanessa said, smiling. She started rubbing her hand in circles on Melissa’s back.

Melissa laughed, “Thank you so much for coming over.”

“No worries I was just watching T.V. waiting for your call.” Melissa starting laughing again and Vanessa joined in. Then they stopped. They stared at each other. Slowly Melissa moved towards Vanessa’s face with her own. Their lips touched and Vanessa gently kissed back. Vanessa jolted away, “I am so sorry Melissa…”

“No… I initiated it, and honestly I’ve never felt like that from a kiss.”